Indians- how much money do you send to parents back home and what percentage of your family TC is that?
I am confused about whether what we do for parents is enough, just right, or too much. if you dont believe in financially supporting parents, that is fine, i am not here to argue the morality or necessity of it just trying to understand what others do. We are a working couple with one kid and another on the way. we both are non tech so TC is not crazy. we send $500 monthly to my parents and that is apart from gifts on bdays, anniversary, financial gifts for my sister, and then once every couple years we do some large financial gift of around $7-8k, then parents travel here once every 3 years and dont spend a single penny on travel, expenses, eating out etc. we also do some financial gifts for wife’s family but nowhere near this and i often feel obligated to do more for them too. My parents I feel think this much financial support is jusified and I often get the feeling that they expect more. Is more financial support justified? we just bought a house a couple years back and have hardly any savings. #amazon #microsoft #google #facebook
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Wealth transfers in the opposite direction (from adult children to older relatives) are selfish, manipulative and exploitative. Full stop. You do not accrue a debt to your elders for them raising and supporting you - either moral or actual- because you never had a say in being born in the first place.
It is neither noble nor wise to bankrupt or make yourself financially insecure to fund ppl who failed to take care of themselves first, and who brought you into the world as a mechanism for their own financial security.
You’re much more than a retirement account for your parents. You’re a human being with your own hopes, dreams and desires, and one who should put yourself, your child and your wife first financially in EVERY conceivable scenario. Funding your elders is robbing yourself, your wife and your child of the lifestyle you are entitled to as a result of the fruits of your labor.
"In case of cabin depressurization, put your mask first before helping others"
If you don't have the high ground, you'll never win. You can ask Anakin about that.
Parenting in south asia is an incredibly hard thing to do. Often times middle class parents basically stop having any fun when they have kids and spend their whole lives, and earnings, working towards providing a good education and comfort for the kids. I am not saying that parents in the USA have it easy, but it is definitely not at same level of sacrifice or effort needed as in developing countries.
And yes, parents do invest in their children's education over there so that they can guarantee a comfortable retirement for themselves. So I think The original poster is only doing what he's supposed to be doing. But I do think he is doing a lot. Definitely more than most.
To the point about relatives exploiting and other stuff. You always have to watch out for that regardless of what situation you are in.
That's my opinion on the matter.
(This ofcourse doesnt apply to the highly successful and the elite class.)
But this is the story of the vast majority of people. Invest in kids education while sacrificing own priorities. So yes expectations are there and mostly justified imo.
On the other hand I dont believe in sentiments like "i brought you into this world, so you listen to me (or) your duty is to support us when we retire" thats typical bollywood/soap opera BS. People shouldn't have kids if they cant support them. Children are not investments or property. The economic relationship should be cordial.