career vs family decisions

Aug 30, 2019 284 Comments

I have verbal offers from Google and Netflix , didnt prepare much, but very confused if i should take them up due to the soon family events, my wife needed a change from the rut and she joined a startup and so she is working like 12 hours a day. We want to have kids soon like in the very near short term. i have 7 YOE at Salesforce and I am very happy, yes the compensation could be little higher, but it can always be higher anywhere you go. I get 6 months of leave as a primary care giver where as my wife gets only 6 weeks , im very established in my company so its super stable , im confused if i should take up these offers seriously and move in an already busy work schedule ? atleast for first one year i would need to spend long hours to prove myself, that is something thats stopping me. especially Netflix with such crazy WLB and their history to fire employees left and right. thoughts ? any perspective here ? looking for a balance between work and family life.

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TOP 284 Comments
  • Netflix alphacoder
    Can only speak for Netflix: i have a newborn, and my wlb is fine. I work 9-5, and so do most of my peers. But when we work - we WORK. No one is cruising, and those who do - get fired. If you want to cruise, and don’t feel like bringing your A-game every day - then Netflix is probably not good fit for you.
    Aug 30, 2019 7
    • Snapchat 2 , club
      Come to snap. We definitely don’t crush it everyday here, and you can still get paid more than Netflix.
      Aug 30, 2019
    • Shutterfly chadrow
      You manager?
      Aug 31, 2019
  • GitHub LLFG78
    Stay.
    Aug 30, 2019 11
    • Stripe / Finance yMOx41
      I know someone at Salesforce that did this and received a $100k retention bonus to stick around for another year.
      Aug 31, 2019
    • Cornerstone infstone
      Mr glass you nailed it. 2 days gone, top post on blind and OP haven't replied much.
      Sep 1, 2019
  • Cigna jaIG72
    First off, kids are wonderful blessings and the world needs more intelligent and caring parents who truly care about their children.

    However, with that said there are some questions you should be asking yourself:
    Am I ok staying home with a newborn and getting little/no sleep? Women have maternal instincts that in some cases seem to override logic. Enough so that they'll go through traumatizing amounts of pain and body disconfiguration and still not only say it was worth it but want to do it again. Guys, not so much. Going out to the office is sometimes the only thing that keeps us sane.

    How is your wife's constitution? Is she going to be ok working 8 or 9 months pregnant? Is she going to be up to working 12hour days six weeks after childbirth? (Hint, You can tell
    a lot by looking at your MIL)

    How is your wife's mental fortitude/how strong are her maternal instincts? Is she ok with pumping out a kid and going back to work? That's a lot of stress for some people and post partem hits some a lot harder than you'd think. Again, look to her mother and encourage her to have a real heart-to-heart talk with her mom about it. Prior generations of women often assumed the ongoing pain, the crippling depression, etc were normal and just something to ignore and bear. Getting some insight on what obstacles you might face will make a huge difference. You dont want your SO crying her eyes out in the bathroom at work 'cause she feels like she abandoned her child.

    How do you both feel about postponing having a kid? How long is too long to wait? You can have a shit ton of money but if that means you're older and infertile or dont have the energy to chase after the child you wanted then it's not at all worth it.

    Ask your friends who have recently had kids what else you should take into consideration. If you're having a hard time thinking of anyone to ask then you should really think about building up your support system. At some point you're going to need help with your kid and you dont want to leave them with your drinking buddy. That isn't fair to anyone.
    Aug 30, 2019 4
    • Salesforce fyutp
      OP
      Very thoughtful 👏
      Aug 31, 2019
    • Salesforce / Mktg owowhtsths
      I’m really curious why you didn’t ask him more deeply about his constitution or willingness to stay home? At the end of the day when you have kids both parents need to be prepared to stay at home for some time, not just for paternity/maternity leave but if your partner becomes ill (happens all the time) or if your child becomes seriously ill (more common than you would think), or if you face any number of potential family complications throughout the entire process. Just as work is often an escape for men, it is also an escape for women.

      My suggestion is to leave because you can better establish work life balance in a new role than in an old one. You set your standard when you come in, you set your boundaries, you pick your projects etc. I would go to Netflix. Why? Because you don’t have a kid yet. Even if you spend a year or 6 months there and then take leave you will be in a better situation. You can always go back to Salesforce. Google is also always going to want you if they want you now. Have the kids, but leave Salesforce and set boundaries in your new work environment, being some Ohana culture with you or something.

      Employees have to learn to define the culture of where they land. As much as the culture of the organization pushed on you, you can push back. Just be smart about how you do it. Also doing things like bringing your kids into the office to visit switches the dynamic of how people work with you as well. These tactics are important in getting people to face the fact that your kids are actual humans who need attention and change everyday. Everyday you are in the office you are missing milestones with your kids. Your colleagues need to know that YOU KNOW THIS.

      Also build strategic relationships up the chain as your family grows. It’s just as important when you need some exception because of a challenge with family, health or anything else. The more the execs know you the more your management chain will accommodate your needs.

      Have the family.

      Good luck.
      Aug 31, 2019
  • Square / Eng ReferralMe
    "didn't prepare much"

    Weird flex
    Aug 30, 2019 0
  • New / Other NoMeansY/N
    Netflix is definitely out of the equation
    Aug 30, 2019 0
  • Flagged by the community.

    • MongoDB tlb_miss
      How are you guys so good?
      Aug 30, 2019
    • Google Mr. Glass
      Uber is right. Suck it up and deliver. Don’t be entitled.
      Aug 30, 2019
  • Amazon hywfy
    Copy pasting from a previous post:

    I'll share my experience: I started a new job shortly after giving birth and it was a terrible mistake. I really wish I had stayed home longer between jobs. My baby didn't start sleeping through the night u til he was 15 months old, so I was getting 5-6 broken hours of sleep for an entire year. Chronic sleep deprivation and being a hormonal hot mess after birth completely tanked my productivity and since it was a new job, I had no good will on the new team so my performance reviews weren't good. I had an unpleasant maternity leave (colicky baby) but if I had to do it again I would have stayed at home much longer or stayed at my old job. It just wasn't worth it.
    Aug 30, 2019 2
    • Microsoft shoulders
      Something like this happened to me as well... Although I'm a Dad, I was the primary parent and my kid was a bit older. Finally left that job. It was a miserable few years. I received no understanding. I pray to God those bastards get buried by the competition.
      Aug 30, 2019
    • This is why we need more men as primary parents. You dont know until you need. And god some colleagues without that experience can be brutal.
      Aug 30, 2019
  • Nordstrom HiroP66
    Get written agreements and turn it into a raise. You don't need to restart your tenure.
    Aug 30, 2019 2
    • Amazon hywfy
      This is great advice
      Aug 30, 2019
    • New arhR58
      This is the right answer
      Aug 30, 2019
  • Microsoft / Product anonymeee
    In the poll include other options like none of the above, all of the above, don't be crazy and waste your and other's time etc. If you have a stable job and given the family circumstances you should have thought about what you want to do. Like a crazy or a confused lunatic you went ahead and wasted your time, 2 other companies' time, so many interviewers, recruiters, coordinators, so much $$$, more importantly 2 other job seekers' precious chances. Now you are wasting so many other people's time on this app. I would say get the hell out of this app, behave like a responsible citizen aka an educated person. Based on what you are saying you seem to be a crazy, desperate, money monger. Shut up and get out. That's my honest suggestion...
    Aug 30, 2019 9
    • Microsoft / Product anonymeee
      I read so many reasonable people giving advice not to give weight to the poll and to follow your own heart, make a decision that your wife and children would be proud of. That is my point. You have established yourself in SF, probably the opportunity to grow and even earn more is higher than going to a new company, start to prove yourself, you may not like the culture or end up getting a jerk as a Manager etc, all those risks are there. In the end the long term potential in your current established job may outweigh the short-term term raise, with so much risk and uncertainty for your family, future.
      Aug 30, 2019
    • Microsoft / Product anonymeee
      oooou - you say jealous, not at all. A reasonable person would sit with the spouse and have a heart to heart conversation about the future and jointly make the decision. If more input is needed seek input from parents, friends, siblings, mentors and others who knows the family well. Poll in a public forum is not a good way to make personal decisions, it can only lead to further confusion because no one in the forum knows what is important to this family. Hope you get a grip on reality and not the reality show you pretend to be in 😉
      Aug 30, 2019
  • Oracle CmWs84
    Do what you think will make your wife and future kids proud of you. More money is not always the answer, but not progressing in life is unfortunate. I left AWS to Oracle for what I tell to myself for better compensation, but the truth is if AWS rewarded my 5 years of +A performance I wouldn’t have left. The company was good but the management wasn’t and that reflected on the employees morals. To give your best then to see someone who knows someone get the promotion is hard :) if your current work place treats you as you think you deserve than give them a chance to keep you. Companies who cares about their employees will put the effort to keep them. On a side note, a lot of them might not have the “match the offer” rule, at least AWS doesn’t do that based on an HR manager I used to know there. Good luck and future for you and your family.
    Aug 30, 2019 3
    • AWS=Amazon, correct?
      Aug 30, 2019
    • Microsoft !MSFT
      ^ yes. Amazon cloud ☁
      Aug 31, 2019

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