My happiness is deeply reliant on my wife's mood, and I need to break out.

Amazon
zeroDmLeft

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zeroDmLeft
Feb 21 71 Comments

The longer I've been married, the more I have found my own mental peace and happiness deeply reliant on my wife's mood. If she's moody (or even worse, upset at me for something unreasonable), I feel a burning sense of anxiety and always seeking to see if her mood is improved before I can take a sigh of relief and cautiously proceed with the day with guarded optimism.
I dont have any male friends anymore who aren't also friends with her, and I cannot remember the last time I hung out with the boys like boys do. Thinking of doing so makes me feel a surge of guilt. I feel like reek from game of thrones where he was so trapped that he was incapable of fathoming a reality where he could be mentally free.

Can anybody else relate, and share whether they were able to break out of this weakness and thrive? Surely it's not good for the husband or the wife for either party to feel this way.

Blind tax: 260k-300k depending on stocks performance
YOE 6 in Tech.

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 TOP 71 Comments
  • New
    hugmemyluv

    New

    hugmemyluv
    TC please. Sounds like next step should be marriage counseling and if she refuses, divorce. Individual counseling may also be an option.
    Feb 21 1
  • Netflix
    zerofks

    Go to company page Netflix

    zerofks
    My wife is like you. It's miserable and exhausting to be around. Feels like I have another child. If I share I'm not in a great place as part of the normal ups and downs of life, she ends up piling on and now I need to worry about her emotional state also. You need to take responsibility for yourself and being your own person. You may be suffering from some depression. May be worth speaking with a professional or finding your own outlets to deal with it. Don't be a victim.
    Feb 21 3
    • Google
      hoppg

      Go to company page Google

      hoppg
      What? Do you have kids ? If not move on. Honestly if a woman wrote this everyone would be telling her she in being emotionally abused. You are afraid of your wife moods soon you will start to worry about other peoples mood. This will affect your confidence and life. Take back control of your own life.
      Feb 21
    • Meta
      behdh

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      behdh
      Covert narcissist.
      Watch Dr. Ramani and Dr. Todd Grande on YouTube.
      Feb 25
  • LinkedIn
    FIREman๐Ÿ’ช

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    FIREman๐Ÿ’ช
    Looks like your wife has been abusing you psychologically.
    Feb 21 0
  • Amazon
    zeroDmLeft

    Go to company page Amazon

    zeroDmLeft
    OP
    Based on the comments I've seen this far, I can agree on some of these points. My fears are due to last experiences and fights that led to lots of divorce threats, vile language and overall emotional abuse. I think this has subconsciously led to me falling into darkness everything she is upset. It's the fear of repitiion of similar fights.

    But also understand that as a man, I need to take control of my own emotional well-being. As long as I am not emotionally self sufficient, I will continue to be unhappy, no matter who my woman is.
    I've listened to audiobook "way of the superior man" which I found eye opening. I am also now listening to "no more Mr nice guy " hoping these will serve as a good starting point.
    Feb 21 4
    • Sounds like because you were victim of abuse before, you developed mechanisms that allowed you to coexist with that abuse (exactly like many other kids with abusive childhoods), such as trying to guess her mood and adjust your behavior to manage it, teaching yourself to be โ€œthick-skinnedโ€, looking for a solution in your flaws vs confronting her. I feel for you; itโ€™s a very difficult and toxic position to be in. I hope you can find strength and support to break that pattern. Might be worth reading books and articles on emotional abuse - I bet you will see all the signs.
      Feb 21
    • > also understand that as a man, I need to take control of my own emotional well-being

      Next time, skip "as a man". This is not something that only men should be expected to do
      Feb 24
  • Asana
    voufh6774

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    voufh6774
    Happy wife happy life. Deal with it and move on.
    Feb 21 2