At what point do you just give the fuck up amd realize no amount of hard work and ‘pulling yourself by the bootstraps’ will ever result in any success in this industry unles youve already been set up from the beginning? I come from literally nothing, an unwanted child from two hateful parents, homeless at 12, working since that age, putting myself through college on a scholarship (in civil engineering and hating ot but couldnt seitch because i couldnt afford to) then moving on to teach myself how to build websites, then design mobile apps, games, digital advertising, analytics, every fucking thing and I STILL dont measure up. 20 years of this and Ive not moved up in title for 12 of them. constantly laid off by companies. No interest in companies that are actually doing well. now i deal with panic attacks when thinking about my future. Im not excited or motivated anymore. im just terrified. im sitting here with chest pains working a temp job in my mid 40s frustrated and angry with myself and afraid of being homeless again. I never even considered having a family because Ive struggled to support myself. My own family hasnt had anything to do with me in years. im sorry for the rant but im completely demoralized. i just want a tiny bit of stability, not having to look for a new job every fucking 9 months. and with a possible recession coming, ive lost hope.
Believe in yourself. You have done great so far considering your circumstances. Don't give up now. Seek therapy. I don't know what else to say but please don't lose hope.
You are not a failure bro, you are working hard, you had a really hard life and it makes you stronger! I’m sure you will be fine
Get into meditation, listen to eckhart tolle. Will calm your anxiety and give you a solid foundation to grow from
We don’t give up bro. We never give up. I also had panic attacks but you just have to push through. It can only go up from here.
Have you enjoyed any of the fields/areas in which you’ve worked? I have found the further along I get in my career, the more companies want a specialist with years of experience. Broadening your capabilities may have inadvertently hindered your progression. I would recommend picking the work you liked to do most, recommitting to it, then talking with that employer on an action plan to move you to full time. Unfortunately, contractors sometimes get overlooked, so I would focus on finding a path from contractor to full employment in the field you enjoy the most/are most successful. Best of luck to you ❤️
I understand op. Don’t worry. You did great and the best you could. Don’t lose hope. How much money have you saved? Any investments? See if you can generate a constant supplemental income.
With that skillset, you should be able to find a stable job. I would say focus on your interview skills. People talk a lot about FAANG and high Salaries, but thats not all I would look at all options including Indian Service companies like Infosys, Wipro, Cognizant, HCL. These companies pay decently well and are stable. I am guessing you are a US citizen and they are always looking to hire Citizens to improve their employee ratio, use it to ur advantage
Man I don't know you but being able to work in all those different jobs (ESPECIALLY coming from a difficult background) sounds like one hell of an achievement even if you didn't get stability out of it. I'd be proud of that, at least. I guess the standard of success you hold yourself up to may not consider that, but still. Stability is another matter, I guess it's super tough especially as you start to face more age discrimination in hiring. Maybe consider opportunities in other countries that may value your experience and provide you with a safety net that doesn't require lifelong savings? Migration is tough and more so when you're older but it's nice as fuck not having to worry so much about health insurance and unemployment and losing your home. Europe gets that shit right for the most part. (I'm assuming you're in the US as these concerns would probably not exist as you state them if you were in a country that gives a shit about caring for its people).
While you have a job put in applications for where you want to work. Worst case scenario you end up with a job you really love
Come to DC and get a government job
As a former fed, this is actually the best suggestion.