Hi everyone, I got my degree in CS, got a decent job in the Bay area. Worked here 7 years and got pretty good feedback from my employer. And in 2016 got hit by a major illness. I kept trying to manage my job and my health problem but it was becoming increasingly difficult. I would sleep in my car because I was so tired all the time. I worked from home one day a week but still my performance dropped. Things have gotten so bad that these days I can be up on my feet no more than 2 hours a day. I have seen every doctor you can think of but its just a chronic health issue and they all recommend rest. I will quit my job next month. My boss has cut me a lot of slack because up till recently I was one of the top performers in his team . And he knows I tried hard to still do my job after the illness onset but it has become almost impossible these days. He insists that I stay and he keeps saying we can work things out but I dont want to be here and taking money when I know I am giving back very little. I am not a GC holder so I have to go back to my country. My gf is an american citizen but I dont want to get married for a GC and I dont mind going back home. The worst part of this whole thing is to define your life in terms of your career and go to school for so many years and then have to give it ALL up. I dont even know what my future holds. I really feel like my existence has no meaning anymore without my career. I just wanted to share my story. I know I am heading straight for f@#cksville and there is nothing that can be done. ps dont feel too sorry for me. I have had a good run. We all have to give up sooner or later. The whole thing is very transient to begin with. Also, I have enough money to last me for a long time and my parents have money back home. Also my illness is not fatal. Please appreciate your health and hope you all have a great holiday. TC: Who Gives A F@#$ and soon to be zero. *Update: I am overwhelmed by all the kind messages you guys have sent me! I was expecting only a few replies with "TC?" , but I got so many kind and heart warming messages! (one guy did "TC?" me lol) Everyone so far has told me to go on FMLA and use my benefits instead of just leaving. I will definitely do that. I have worked hard and insurance is for this purpose exactly and I will get educated about my rights and benefits. Also many people have asked what is my condition. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN). They both suck in different ways and I dont know why I would get two rare diseases a few years apart. My CFS was initially very mild but over the years it has gotten so bad that simple tasks are now impossible. And not listening to my body and powering through work didnt help either. Thank you for all your comments! I will not be able to reply to all but just wanted to say thank you! Update: I removed some details in the post after it started showing up on the front page. This post involved some major decisions I need to make at work and if someone from my work finds out they can just terminate me before I get my FMLA and I will have no course of action! apologies for the edits.
What is FMLA? Pls explain in depth.
Can you disclose your conditions? I work in healthcare and can see if I can help in any way
Do yoga (the real thing, not the shit u see at gyms), meditation, fasting. It's time to work on ur spirituality
I will have plenty of time after I quit. I used to do yoga regularly when I was younger. I will start doing as much as my health permits.
+1 absolutely. All of this can directly aid your recovery. For real yoga, based on personal experience, would highly recommend Inner Engineering/Isha Yoga.
Sorry about your health OP. It seems strange to me that you want to leave because you feel bad about performance, but your boss wants you to stay. To me it seems silly to leave only because you feel like you're not contributing enough when your manager disagrees. It's possible you contribute more than you think.
I think my boss is too blinded by my past accomplishments to realize how little I am doing these days. Also I see the looks from my teammates. For someone with my seniority level I am really letting everyone down. And this in turn makes me feel so much worse. To be sick AND to feel like youre letting everyone down. Also, trying hard to do my job is having a detrimental effect on my health. I just think its best to quit rather than to just stay and let everyone down and keep getting sicker. (of course im assuming rest and doing nothing will help me get better or at least stop getting worse, but that may be a wrong assumption).
I think Facebook may have a point. Sometimes we think we do little, but your leadership and technical guidance may have a huge impact on the project and team.
Sorry to hear that OP. Glad you've no regrets . Hope wherever you go , you get great WLB . If you don't mind me asking , where are you from ?
Will you get better healthcare access there?
What about your girl friend?
Health is always the priority. I can totally understand that. May be try some job where they permit wfh always, in your home country. I know it is difficult to find something like that, but nothing to loose here.
Exactly ! I will not give up. I will take a few months to rest then reevaluate the situation and see what I can do career wise. Even if I’m volunteering or teaching part time at a college it’s ok.
Thats a great spirit.. I am sure you will find a way even in such difficult situation, as you are willing to.
Dude, you need to exploit more opportunities. Take the paycheck and get married
lolz nah. I'm losing everything with this illness, except for my dignity. If i give that up to I got nothing left.
At the same time, trying to hold onto your dignity might be making things worse. Having high standards for dignity is generally a sign of some amount of arrogance too! Or at least think about it, and consider where the shame comes from. Maybe consider therapy if your insurance covers it
Godspeed OP. Sorry to hear that but glad you are holding your head high in face of this turmoil.
Take FMLA for 3mos.
That is indeed my plan. I will get the FMLA after the Christmas holidays. I will need two months to pack things up and close all my financial ties to 'merica and say goodbye to friends and get ready to leave.
Thats not what fmla is for but ok