maintaining boundaries with mentor

Oct 5, 2019 30 Comments

wondering if anyone here has good ideas on how to maintain boundaries, both real and perceived, with a mentor of the opposite sex. we spend a lot of time together in meetings, sometimes just the two us, and sometimes outside of the office over drinks, etc.

I enjoy those sessions and get lot of inspiration/good career advice out of them, but sometimes I worry if it’s too easy to send the wrong signals (to others or to each other) when we spend hours together at a time. of course, I don’t want to hold my career back either. am i overthinking?

advice would be appreciated

TC 450

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TOP 30 Comments
  • Lyft Sigw04
    Keep it entirely in the office?
    Shift to group mentoring?
    Keep alcohol out of it.
    Oct 5, 2019 0
  • Amazon 😆&&😭
    If you are asking, I'm guessing it's crossed some lines already. Is he attracted to you, vice versa, or mutual?
    Oct 5, 2019 6
    • In that case then keep your distance. Don't talk about personal things but if it comes down to it and can't avoid the conversation, then keep it short and divert as soon as possible
      Oct 5, 2019
    • Amazon 😆&&😭
      If you are getting that vibe and it's not mutual, I suggest avoiding 1:1 activities that aren't strictly work related. Cocktails and dinners should be the first thing to go as it's so easy for that to bleed into dating behavior.
      Oct 6, 2019
  • Verizon Media Atinlay6
    🙄
    Oct 5, 2019 4
    • Abbott 3001
      Copycat much?
      Oct 5, 2019
    • Verizon Media Atinlay6
      Nope
      Oct 5, 2019
  • New 8=|)
    Dont drink together wtf thats like rule #1
    Oct 5, 2019 0
  • LinkedIn Wiener
    You make 450K and you have a hot female mentor or something? Life’s pretty good for you.
    Oct 5, 2019 1
    • OP
      Lol well that does sound good. But I’m female
      Oct 5, 2019
  • Intel GTFOer
    “Outside of the office over drinks, etc” ? You are definitely not overthinking.
    Oct 5, 2019 0
  • American Airlines ydntudkof
    Do not cross lines/boundaries. Most of the time not worth it. Keep your focus on whatever it is you want out of mentor relationship. Your TC is 450 so maintain your confidence and hell yeah enjoy, have fun, just no crossing to dark side.
    Oct 5, 2019 0
  • Amazon s@isified
    Male engineer here and I’ve had female mentees throughout my career. We mentors struggle with the boundaries too sometimes. A mentor always has your back and gives strong advice and acts as an advocate. It’s easy for feelings to creep in because this kind of interaction creates a sense of intimacy. It is intimate—but in one direction only—never forget that. It will help maintain the boundaries in the relationship. PM if you want to talk some about it.
    Oct 5, 2019 1
    • Apple MrSwole
      A “Good” mentor always has your back. I have come across too many people posing as mentors unfortunately 😞

      I am male and have also served as being a mentor to both men and women. I found that being in a healthy stable relationship helps me keep boundaries with women that I mentor.
      Oct 5, 2019
  • Amazon EYSN81
    450k ? What's your title and work ex ?
    Oct 5, 2019 0
  • Just hook up with them and have fun already. YOLO
    Oct 5, 2019 2
    • American Airlines ydntudkof
      Keep distance keep 450k and more TC or YOLO
      Oct 6, 2019
    • New DaPC48
      Company checks out.
      Nov 12, 2019

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