My narc ex-husband is framing me

New
UhvT60

New

UhvT60
Nov 8, 2021 11 Comments

He’s framing me as a uncooperative co-parent who tries to interfere his time with my daughter, who steals money from him, and who is trying to screw him over. He changed our D’s visitation time without asking me and is now calling me crazy for not allowing them more time. I’m just trying to stick to the agreement we had in place. If he asked me or gave me a more heads up, I would have said yes (school calendar permitting). Every time he doesn’t get something from me he tries to frame me as the crazy one. And he texted me 5-6 long paragraphs of emails that are all over the place, blaming me for why our marriage didn’t work and how it is my fault that he doesn’t know enough about our D’s school activities. Just want to cry and end all this. Need to do this for another 12 years. We’re not officially divorced yet. But I plan to serve him this week (we were separated just two years ago)

I think he was drunk when he sent me those angry texts. I spent 4 hours just drafting an email that is only stating objective facts, and choosing words correctly. Narcs are very hard to work with and divorce from…. it’s not just a cute little syndrome - it’s toxic as fuck and mentally fucking me up.

Sorry for the rant.

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 TOP 11 Comments
  • Amazon
    eff you

    Go to company page Amazon

    eff you
    Don’t reply. Don’t communicate. Send everything through the lawyer. Cut him off. Save everything and forward to lawyer. Do. Not. Engage. Follow the agreement to the letter. Don’t deviate or it’ll be your fault. Be nice. Polite. Composed. Fuck him.
    Nov 8, 2021 0
  • New
    Bubble2000

    New

    PRE
    Microsoft
     Bubble2000
    OP, empathize with you but this is the wrong place to air this deeply personal rant. You need to talk with your attorney for the legal bits and a therapist for your mental health.

    Good luck and be well.
    Nov 8, 2021 0
  • Been there

    1. This is the wrong forum for that, unless you want people to ask for you or your ex-to-be's TC, or be told you should leave him for a big tech company

    2. You seem to feel like you have to swing at every pitch from him. You don't. If it doesn't directly relate to your daughter, it's noise you can ignore. Once you file for divorce (why wait), there's an annoying but binding legal process for everything, so any favor he wants you to do - don't do it unless you believe it benefits you and / or your daughter. Respond to texts with one word responses when you have to, with nothing if you don't.
    Nov 8, 2021 2
    • New
      UhvT60

      New

      UhvT60
      OP
      I’m worried he will frame me as an unresponsive, uncooperative spouse and make me look bad at the court. I explained a few things he kept on going back to (he brought up an issue from one year ago… Wtf) just so we have it as a record. I am waiting on my attorney for the final draft before filing the divorce. It will get nasty…
      Nov 8, 2021
    • Yes. It'll be nasty and terrible. He's your enemy. Remember - you don't have to swing at every pitch unless your lawyer says you do.

      He will tell a warped version of everything in your history. He may also make stuff up completely.

      Just stick to minimal contact, minimal communication. Ask your lawyer what you must and what you should and what you shouldn't respond to. And remember that everything you say can be evidence, so write it assuming your worst enemy will read it and share it with the worst person possible.

      Keep your responses brief and functional. Make them easy to read. Avoid passive aggression and sarcasm.

      "I disagree with your characterization of those events"

      "That's not how I remember that happening"

      "I don't remember that happening"

      These are examples of LONG responses. Short ones are one word, maybe two. Or an emoji.

      It's terrible, the sooner you move to no-unnecessary-contact, the happier and more successful you'll be. Good luck.
      Nov 9, 2021
  • Ok
    Nov 8, 2021 0
  • Investment Bank
    Glinda

    Investment Bank

    PRE
    HP
     Glinda
    Work with an attorney on this to protect yourself and your daughter. Stick to the agreement, but do not directly engage with your ex, nothing good will come from that.
    Nov 8, 2021 0