Our industry is being overrun by agile coaches and scrum masters
Oct 21, 2021
16 Comments
If you have sit through one of those ceremonies run by these agile coaches you know what I mean. I can't even begin to fathom how these bullshitters found their way into the tech industry and yet we tolerate them. Every engineer I talked too hate these agile mofos but management somehow thinks this is a good idea?
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It's actually very useful, the whole process is generally speaking actually a brilliant way to make engineers talk to engineers, discuss problems and produce some sort of documentation, in antisocial teams.
As long as nobody external to the team is looking over the lead engineer's shoulder and "measuring velocity" and all that crap.
"Hey boss if you try to measure velocity we just lie in estimation and inflate tickets, we're not complete idiots boss."
The fact is though... engineers jump jobs every 24 months these days.
Most places the coaches, scrum masters and bullshit artists are there to alleviate business context walking out the door.
Their actual uselessness is an asset to the business, because if they were useful they'd be hired away for a huge raise every 2 years like the engineers.
The scrum master is actually just a random person in their mid 30s/40s thrown into an engineering team to make sure the engineers aren't lazy, crazy, and write documentation.
Like they are not necessarily productive for society, but everything they do has a very well thought out political reason behind it.
They support their boss in office politics, and do a bit on the side as well.
I’ll never go back to a company that uses that.