Lost with No passion or Motivation

Nov 17, 2020 2 Comments

So I don't know what I expect to get from this but here it go but thought I'd vent since this "blind".

I knew before graduating from Uni I had no passion for computer engineering but I pursued it strictly based on my desire for high compensation without years of schooling (i.e. Doctors and Lawyers) but I may have made a mistake to do so.

Coming from you previous job, T-Mobile has made my work life balance improved  but I  just don't have the motivation or passion for software development. I've tried leetcode, udemy, coursera, Lynda and many other trying to find something that excites and motivates me but nothing helps.

Now I've been with T-Mobile 5 going on 6 years and though I've delivered lots of code I'm quite frankly a trash engineer/developer.  I see all these new grads joining and the love, the passion, the hunger they have for this line of work i just don't have it and never have. Now having been  promoted to SDM (I assume mostly because I was the most senior engineer on the team and/or I've mentor just about every new engineer to our org over the last 3yrs so) I honestly have no idea what I'm doing but im making it work. I'm responsible for 17 people's  career and i don't know what I'm doing.

Honestly, I'm not complaining knowing that I was so poor growing up that skipping meals days at a time was normal. Today, I live a good life but at every step of my career I've struggled with anxiety due to a sort of imposter syndrome. Knowing that I'm not a good deloper but somehow I've been able to meet deliverables and even be promoted to people manager.  I'm just worried my luck is running out or I'll finally be exposed.

Apart for the work stuff, financially  speaking im doing well, I have my loving family, I have a gf (going on 5yrs together) who I love and adore very much and a close friend group that I've been with since year 1 at university. But I feel so lonely every now and then. I don’t have a passion or hobby and I've drespretly tried to fill the void but whatever is missing in my life I can't seem to figure it out

#mentalhealth #swe #engineering

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  • Lyft
    Jhho06

    Go to company page Lyft

    Jhho06
    “I am the best version of myself today” say this to yourself everyday.

    Then, “but if I try 5% more in this area I can improve”

    But seriously sounds like imposter syndrome. If you wrote coded that passed and got promoted, your doing a good job. Heck go for engineering manager or you can even work towards PM!
    Nov 17, 2020 1
    • OP
      You know there was a time where I use to say a version of that but I don't think I ever never really believed it.

      Thanks for the advice and kind words. I'm gonna try do that!
      Nov 17, 2020