Born in US for reference. Graduated from an R1 with PhD in hard sciences + ML, and got a couple offers back in November. The TC for those were 150k and 140k. My dad felt these were low for an ML PhD (I thought so as well), so we both decided that I should decline them. In retrospect, this was a huge mistake. Now for the past 6 months I have been searching for any offer at all. Facing huge pressure to find and accept any offer by the end of June, since this is when a large annual get-together for our community happens, and if I don't have a job by then I will be considered unmarriageable by the community (I am 27). My mom has (understandably) been extremely stressed out over this situation, and this is the only topic that ever comes up during calls. Also my dad has been sending me articles about high AI/ML TCs and about labor shortages in Tech (e.g. this one: https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/the-fight-for-ai-talent-pay-million-dollar-packages-and-buy-whole-teams-c370de2b ) to illustrate why he doesn't believe that I'm not getting interviews/offers, and is accusing me of staying jobless on purpose to avoid arranged marriage. (He himself is in a different industry, so from the outside looking in he thinks it should be easy to find an AI/ML job.) Just wanted to vent here. The current situation feels quite precarious already, and having my parents be stressed and accusatory towards me is just making things worse.
Holy shit man I’m not Indian so idk what this must be like Good luck my guy
Yeah it's a niche situation so I thought I'd post on India channel My non Indian friends (and even some of my Indian friends from India) find the situation pretty wild
27, PhD, born in US and your family is telling you where to work and who to marry? How antiquated. Believe me, I come from a culture where we are raised with a lot of respect for our parents, but damn. Tried looking for a job for YOURSELF and not just some random person your (strange) community about to force you in shackles with?
You are a 27 year old with a PhD, act like it. Do what is right for you. Pro tip, avoid the June community gathering.
Bear advice. You r al 😎 dude with a PhD, don't worry u will land a job u like
I wish I could, but I'm in a bit of a bind since we financially committed to it several months ago, and if I don't go my parents will see at as further evidence that I'm avoiding arranged marriage on purpose. Either way will prove to be somewhat humiliating.
Stay strong. I know it’s hard for your parents to understand it really tough out there it’s not easy to find suitable job in this economy. Keep trying without the pressure from your parents and you will succeed take help from your father network or family network to find a job.
My first job out of college with MS and BS in multiple majors is 60k TC in early 2010s. It’s low at the time for a software engineering position… But you got to start somewhere… The TC bothered me, but I was more into exploring life outside academia since I was told to study harder, studied all of the time, and falsely believe that people higher degrees are looked up upon (it didn’t seem so in the SWE job market). Just take the first offer and keep an eye on opportunities elsewhere…
Yep this is what I'm planning to do. My dad's a high earner so he is quite critical of taking "lowball" offers (like the 140-150k ones), but I need to get experience somewhere. I figure that I can increase TC by moving jobs etc. if I end up feeling it's necessary.
pls fuck the family inhibitions of getting married and stay focussed. Dont let this bullshit take over your peace pls ! You get married when you are ready not when you are forced to do it. Sorry and Wish you peace.
Just tell everyone your working at a stealth startup in the ml inference space. They won’t understand, but think it sounds impressive with no need for you to elaborate details
Unfortunately most people in the community read "working on startup" as "unemployed", so they see through it. Even my parents have gossiped about people being unemployed / unable to find a job because they were working on a startup.
Damn your community is intense, sorry you don’t get the support you need from them, at least you know the people here on blind support you over the situation
Find a job at PH, and you will have the best conversations
Block them then? I don’t think they are good for your mental health and arranged marriage is too backward for you as an American. Tell them to give up the Indian mindset or else they can move back.
Unmarriageable by the community…. What an awful community to be a part of. Not getting a job sounds like a blessing in disguise.
😅
I second this. Parents might have the right intentions, but they’re awful human beings for dealing with the problem like this