Have you experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault, or sexism at your current or previous company? And if so, at which company and did HR fix the problem?
- Autodesk / Mgmt RevitmoreI was molested and sexually harassed by multiple women in the last 6 months .. Being a strong Asian male , I did not report to HR as I feel no action would be taken.. how to fix this ?
- babywka: it is common to tell men that you should view it as a compliment or luxury when a woman you are not interested in sexually harasses you. Because she makes herself sexually available.
You are also told from when you are a child that to be a good man you must be careful to not make her feel bad or rejected after making sexual advances, effectively making you responsible for your harassers emotions in addition to yours.
At least to me my experience seem very similar to how the women that are harassed feel, so I feel it’s unreasonable to ask me to respond “like a man” and bottle it up.
- Cisco UCMH38From a manager while eating lunch in the break room: “May I ask you a question? Are your breasts real? Because, wow!”
From a director: [grabs my hand] “Come out with me.” Me: “No thanks, my husband made dinner for me tonight. I’m heading home.” Him: “I’m married, you’re married...who cares? Let’s go.” This is the same guy who leered at me so much that my (male) manager (also a great friend) noticed it and got pissed off.
I’m pretty easygoing but damn.
- Microsoft SaltyDIn the encounters I’ve described, I never felt those questions were harassment. I just think people often don’t have the greatest judgement about what fits in the personal versus professional spheres.
That said, if the same person made repeated comments about my body that would be a different story.
People do make mistakes (Obviously I’m just talking about a few comments not groping or worse!) If the person then repeats it, it’s time to report it. Luckily, I’ve never had to.
This is just my personal way of dealing with these situations and I’m not saying anyone is wrong to report harassment at any stage they feel uncomfortable.
- Adobe MikeD@MP3’s it’s dangerous to believe that either all alleged victims are telling the truth or that they are all lying. That’s the whole purpose of a trial. That said, empirical data suggests that the prevalence of false allegations are quite low. The numbers differ, but are certainly low enough that we should avoid dismissing allegations.
Furthermore, what we also know is that victims feel unsafe and unempowered and I believe comments like yours contribute to victims feeling like they shouldn’t come forward.
Shame on you.Dec 15, 2017 5
- Woices App (woicesapp.com) is a platform created to give every employee a voice without fear of consequences. It enables employees to report incidents directly to someone from top management instantly, privately and discreetly hence taking away fear of retaliation while still bring heard. It helps ensure a safe and respectful workplace for all.Nov 17, 2018 0
- Wells Fargo bpiS06What I posted is not a joke. Actually happened but I agree that women may face much worse and as a father of a girl that may work in the tech industry, this stuff has to stop.
- Of course as a father of a girl it hits home very quickly. But it does impact all of us, directly or indirectly. Woices (woicesapp.com) allows employees to report incidents without fear consequences. At least one is being heard and doesn't have to suffer in silence all by himself/herself.Nov 17, 2018 1
- It gets complicated and there are always two sides to the same story
- I agree that there can be complicated situations and sometimes things can be misinterpreted. However, most of the time this is not the case. Here’s an example which was posted on Blind: https://us.teamblind.com/article/sexual-harassment--assault-at-deloitte-JY22txJf. The culture at that company seems rotten to the core based on the comments. It’s not that complicated to figure out in that case.
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- Yes, at my previous company. A VP would regularly tell me how amazing my body looked, how great my legs looked in particular jeans, etc. Totally unsolicited. He was married and I was single. I am sure some on here will say he was just complimenting me, but it created a dynamic at work where it felt like my worth to the company was based on my appearance.
It was a startup so I don’t want to say which because I would then be identifiable. “HR” (the sales guy who took on a stretch assignment to be head of HR) actually did deal with it, and it stopped.
- My understanding is that the VP had several other complaints so the HR person told him they were at risk of being sued. They had also recently fired a pregnant woman and there was some fear around being sued for that. So while it was a bit of a surprise when it actually stopped there were a number of factors working in my favor.Dec 13, 2017 2
- Yes, I get told I don't look like an engineer every fucking day it seems like. My old manager called me attractive several times in private and made jokes about women. Another guy said he'd like to see me bend over in a skirt. Another asshole just started staring at me, and asked "oh do you work out". Didn't even know this guy and said yes. He said "wow cause you have just an amazing body". I told HR, she files a report but also yelled at me for reporting it in the first place. I got ostracized from my group. No one would talk to me. All to find out it was unsubstantiated because most of these comments were in private. I was forced to find another job. That was my first job out of college... man was it a wake up call
- Twitch LOG32There is nothing wrong with reporting something to HR. That is what HR is for. If the behavior is not a big deal, then HR shouldn't punish anybody. They could just tell the guy to knock it off.
If someone feels uncomfortable in any way at work, bringing it up immediately is the right thing to do. That way all the miscommunications and misunderstanding can be cleared up fast, and nobody has to be punished, or continued to feel uncomfortable.Dec 13, 2017 3
- Microsoft, your missing the point... that kind of behavior creates a toxic work environment for the recipient. You see it as men twice my age just hitting on me. But, It's inappropriate and demeaning to be hit on at work. Period. These men should focus on the work I output rather than staring at my ass.Dec 13, 2017 2
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- I think only attractive people get sexually harassed.... So no.. never experienced it.
- New =^..^=I wasn’t at my old job for very long but there was this one guy, a “Bro”, and we became drinking buddies. Him, his TL and our DIR used to go to the gym together and sometimes out for drinks. Good team. “Bro” used to be super inappropriate sometimes. Among other things he’d pretend to slap his dick on stuff like the desk or wall, say things like “what’s wrong, your labia sore?” And he called everyone “Girl” because he thought it was demeaning.
I was asked to give a team member feedback on him and send it to his TL. I thought it was confidential so I put something good, something he could improve on and at the bottom I put “You know how he does that thing where he pretends to slap his, um, er, dick on everything? Yeah, I could really do without that”. I said it to be funny, and also, HOW DID THEY JUST LET HIM DO THAT!?!?
Turns out, the form that I submitted wasn’t confidential and would be automatically put on his electronic employee record.
Long story short, 3 weeks later I got a letter of reprimand for calling in sick after my start time ( Bro and I called in sick, I was legit sick and Bro was hungover)playing a phone game with Bro during a break at our desks and talking about being hungover with Bro. The letter was officially for “Poor Professional Appearance”
Bro got a >10k raise+bonus and got to go to San Diego for a “work trip”
It was HR that gave me the letter. They knew about the dick thing, too.
QL Detroit - I found a new job with a 17k raise 6 months later so fuck that place.
- Blippar anonymous+=^..^= - You have an essay a few replies before where you claim that all men are rapists who "want to jerk off on your face"!
And of all your co-workers, 'bro' - who was super inappropriate all the time - became your drinking buddy? And you still think he's 'cool', and just made the mentioned comment in your feedback form to be funny?
Poor life choices. Not my problem. There are shitty men and shitty women everywhere. People who face a problem must grow up and act responsibly to fix the problem first, before asking independent third parties for help and support.Dec 17, 2017 1
- If I had a dollar for each time I'm asked "so how come you're in computer science?" or the cheesier version "so what is a pretty girl like you doing in computer science?" I'd be a millionaire.
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- Microsoft Khcfdshl#metoo I've been sexually assaulted since I was a boy! And it continues to this day! Can anyone help me? How can I file charges against my left hand?
- You can use your right hand to thumb-wrestle the other into submission and take it to the cops. Make sure they cuff your left arm onto something while you use your right one to write a police report.
Please report how it goes. And make a video, I want that sweet revenge porn.
- Salesforce FgGP13Had a south Asian male coworker, I’m guessing closeted gay, who I do know had a very young arranged marriage (he was quite young that is), who was regularly what I’d consider overly comfortable (hand on arm frequently, etc). I got a “he likes me” vibe but asked another Indian coworker about it, and was told that Indian male friends are often closer than here in the USA (holding hands, etc). The clue that it was more than a platonic interest was when he gave me a big kiss on the mouth in the parking lot. So yeah, not a hardcore assault, and I actually feel a little bad for the guy, but totally unwanted and unappreciated.
- Microsoft dyermakerI am objectified as a provider by women. All the men out there earning over $200k know what I'm talking about. It's cold and demeaning, knowing that the size of your bank account is what women are really most interested in. Whip out a credit card to pay for lunch, they'll be looking for carbon. Shoes and watches used to be what caught their eyes, but counterfeits are so common that today's enlightened woman ignores them. What can we as a nation do to counteract this predatory behavior and make well employed men feel safe again?
- Are you serious. Really. You think so little of women that it’s either you or them?
Just because women have to put up with shit doesn’t diminish what you have accomplished. It’s not an either/or.
I think the current climate is way OTT fwiw so I understand the frustration.
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- Microsoft tolegit🥃At Microsoft, yes. It was humiliating and it cost me my career, my home, my savings, my dignity. I lost everything and the moment I regret the most is when i went to HR to complain about the sexual predator, harrassment and abuse i was experiencing. HR turned on me and not only allowed the abuse to continue, but blamed me and fired me.