Have you experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault, or sexism at your current or previous company? And if so, at which company and did HR fix the problem?
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- New / EngasLM87moreIt gets complicated and there are always two sides to the same story
- I agree that there can be complicated situations and sometimes things can be misinterpreted. However, most of the time this is not the case. Here’s an example which was posted on Blind: https://us.teamblind.com/article/sexual-harassment--assault-at-deloitte-JY22txJf. The culture at that company seems rotten to the core based on the comments. It’s not that complicated to figure out in that case.
- Wells FargobpiS06What I posted is not a joke. Actually happened but I agree that women may face much worse and as a father of a girl that may work in the tech industry, this stuff has to stop.
- CiscoUCMH38From a manager while eating lunch in the break room: “May I ask you a question? Are your breasts real? Because, wow!”
From a director: [grabs my hand] “Come out with me.” Me: “No thanks, my husband made dinner for me tonight. I’m heading home.” Him: “I’m married, you’re married...who cares? Let’s go.” This is the same guy who leered at me so much that my (male) manager (also a great friend) noticed it and got pissed off.
I’m pretty easygoing but damn.
- Yeah, talk about the horrible threat of retaliation when men have their careers destroyed by lying women. Poor you. Lol.
Keep in mind all these cases have yet to reach court. There was a Canadian tv personality with 6 women accusing him, turns out he kept emails and text messages for last 15-20 years. All accusations easily dismissed as there was proof the women were willing. His career was still destroyed.
I also don’t hear you talk about women who sexually harass men. In most states the law doesn’t even consider as a legal possibility. In how many states, a woman cannot be prosecuted for raping a man as it is not even written in a law?
- MicrosoftSaltyDI recently had a woman colleague ask if my breasts were real. She isn’t American and I didn’t think she was sexually harassing me. I’ve had males ask this too at prior jobs and I’ve thought they were more clueless than anything. I usually have deflected it joking that if I had money for plastic surgery that boobs are the last thing I’d spend money on.
I don’t think this was harassment but not great judgement on their part.
That said I don’t deny that harassment is a big problem and shouldn’t be tolerated.Dec 12, 20175
- MicrosoftSaltyDIn the encounters I’ve described, I never felt those questions were harassment. I just think people often don’t have the greatest judgement about what fits in the personal versus professional spheres.
That said, if the same person made repeated comments about my body that would be a different story.
People do make mistakes (Obviously I’m just talking about a few comments not groping or worse!) If the person then repeats it, it’s time to report it. Luckily, I’ve never had to.
This is just my personal way of dealing with these situations and I’m not saying anyone is wrong to report harassment at any stage they feel uncomfortable.
- AdobeMikeD@MP3’s it’s dangerous to believe that either all alleged victims are telling the truth or that they are all lying. That’s the whole purpose of a trial. That said, empirical data suggests that the prevalence of false allegations are quite low. The numbers differ, but are certainly low enough that we should avoid dismissing allegations.
Furthermore, what we also know is that victims feel unsafe and unempowered and I believe comments like yours contribute to victims feeling like they shouldn’t come forward.
Shame on you.Dec 15, 20173
- IBMkMBR58I think only attractive people get sexually harassed.... So no.. never experienced it.
- Autodesk / MgmtRevitmoreI was molested and sexually harassed by multiple women in the last 6 months .. Being a strong Asian male , I did not report to HR as I feel no action would be taken.. how to fix this ?
Jesus! That’s terrible. You have a great point about women not taking no for an answer. In my experience, one girl I said No to broke down in hysterics, started stalking me, manipulating my relatives into pressuring me to be with her, etc. And at the end of the day you’re the problem cause you’re the man and she can’t face the rejection! You can’t win, lol.
Don’t mind @Df372fa, he/she knows I have a point, didn’t like what I wrote, and being incapable of constructing a coherent argument resorts to name calling and shaming. Purely emotional response. Don’t go holding your breath waiting for a logical explanation.
- OP, if you’re comfortable, tell them that this behavior is not acceptable In the workplace... take it to HR if the situation does not improve.
To some of the others here: I donn’t know why this is so confusing for people. Yes, men can be harassed or subject to unwanted attention. I’m male and have been harassed by men, I have a former male coworker who received unwanted attention from a female supervisor... he told her it was inappropriate and eventually went to HR and then it stopped.
But #metoo is not about harassment in a vacuum, it’s about so-called rape-culture where these things are swept under the rug and excused for powerful individuals or as a general phenomena. Boys will be boys, it’s innocent flirting, they are probably making it up, etc
I’ve literally had male coworkers tell me that women secretly want to be hit on all the time. People on Blind who minimize scary situations and treat it like it’s an unwanted come-on at a bar, etc. This all allows the minority of predators to continue and escalate their behavior.
The same way that sexual abuse is excused or minimized also has nonsexual ramifications that hurt both men and women. I worked with a contractor who was physically abusive to everyone and creepy towards women. Management really wanted this person’s skills so they told us, “oh he’s just temperamental” when he literally threw things at coworkers and yelled and berated them. If women are not safe in a workplace, then others are also unsafe. It’s in all of our interests to smash the tacit acceptance of things like this.Dec 13, 20175
- Microsoft3PeteIt's interesting to see people here that don't believe sexual assault happens to males too. I had one woman lock me in a room and aggressively try to push herself on me. One woman came to my house and propositioned me. A third forced her hand down my pants to grab my genitals. All unwanted. All true stories. I put a stop to all of them.Dec 13, 20174
- babywka: it is common to tell men that you should view it as a compliment or luxury when a woman you are not interested in sexually harasses you. Because she makes herself sexually available.
You are also told from when you are a child that to be a good man you must be careful to not make her feel bad or rejected after making sexual advances, effectively making you responsible for your harassers emotions in addition to yours.
At least to me my experience seem very similar to how the women that are harassed feel, so I feel it’s unreasonable to ask me to respond “like a man” and bottle it up.
- New=^..^=I wasn’t at my old job for very long but there was this one guy, a “Bro”, and we became drinking buddies. Him, his TL and our DIR used to go to the gym together and sometimes out for drinks. Good team. “Bro” used to be super inappropriate sometimes. Among other things he’d pretend to slap his dick on stuff like the desk or wall, say things like “what’s wrong, your labia sore?” And he called everyone “Girl” because he thought it was demeaning.
I was asked to give a team member feedback on him and send it to his TL. I thought it was confidential so I put something good, something he could improve on and at the bottom I put “You know how he does that thing where he pretends to slap his, um, er, dick on everything? Yeah, I could really do without that”. I said it to be funny, and also, HOW DID THEY JUST LET HIM DO THAT!?!?
Turns out, the form that I submitted wasn’t confidential and would be automatically put on his electronic employee record.
Long story short, 3 weeks later I got a letter of reprimand for calling in sick after my start time ( Bro and I called in sick, I was legit sick and Bro was hungover)playing a phone game with Bro during a break at our desks and talking about being hungover with Bro. The letter was officially for “Poor Professional Appearance”
Bro got a >10k raise+bonus and got to go to San Diego for a “work trip”
It was HR that gave me the letter. They knew about the dick thing, too.
QL Detroit - I found a new job with a 17k raise 6 months later so fuck that place.
- Blipparanonymous+=^..^= - You have an essay a few replies before where you claim that all men are rapists who "want to jerk off on your face"!
And of all your co-workers, 'bro' - who was super inappropriate all the time - became your drinking buddy? And you still think he's 'cool', and just made the mentioned comment in your feedback form to be funny?
Poor life choices. Not my problem. There are shitty men and shitty women everywhere. People who face a problem must grow up and act responsibly to fix the problem first, before asking independent third parties for help and support.Dec 17, 20171
- SAPIOAT64Did no one realize that until recently # was the "pound" sign? Every time I see this it jumps out at me.
- SalesforceFgGP13Had a south Asian male coworker, I’m guessing closeted gay, who I do know had a very young arranged marriage (he was quite young that is), who was regularly what I’d consider overly comfortable (hand on arm frequently, etc). I got a “he likes me” vibe but asked another Indian coworker about it, and was told that Indian male friends are often closer than here in the USA (holding hands, etc). The clue that it was more than a platonic interest was when he gave me a big kiss on the mouth in the parking lot. So yeah, not a hardcore assault, and I actually feel a little bad for the guy, but totally unwanted and unappreciated.
- Seriously? Did you see this post about Deloitte? https://us.teamblind.com/article/sexual-harassment--assault-at-deloitte-JY22txJf
- Yes, at my previous company. A VP would regularly tell me how amazing my body looked, how great my legs looked in particular jeans, etc. Totally unsolicited. He was married and I was single. I am sure some on here will say he was just complimenting me, but it created a dynamic at work where it felt like my worth to the company was based on my appearance.
It was a startup so I don’t want to say which because I would then be identifiable. “HR” (the sales guy who took on a stretch assignment to be head of HR) actually did deal with it, and it stopped.
- My understanding is that the VP had several other complaints so the HR person told him they were at risk of being sued. They had also recently fired a pregnant woman and there was some fear around being sued for that. So while it was a bit of a surprise when it actually stopped there were a number of factors working in my favor.Dec 13, 20172
- AmazonstarshipIs receiving compliments about the way I look considered sexual harassment?
- Depends. Per the EEOC: “Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).”
- MicrosoftKhcfdshl#metoo I've been sexually assaulted since I was a boy! And it continues to this day! Can anyone help me? How can I file charges against my left hand?
- You can use your right hand to thumb-wrestle the other into submission and take it to the cops. Make sure they cuff your left arm onto something while you use your right one to write a police report.
Please report how it goes. And make a video, I want that sweet revenge porn.
- Intelee1502Yes, I get told I don't look like an engineer every fucking day it seems like. My old manager called me attractive several times in private and made jokes about women. Another guy said he'd like to see me bend over in a skirt. Another asshole just started staring at me, and asked "oh do you work out". Didn't even know this guy and said yes. He said "wow cause you have just an amazing body". I told HR, she files a report but also yelled at me for reporting it in the first place. I got ostracized from my group. No one would talk to me. All to find out it was unsubstantiated because most of these comments were in private. I was forced to find another job. That was my first job out of college... man was it a wake up call
- Are you trolling?
What you’re describing is men hitting on you, commenting on your looks, that is flirting not sexual harassment... The skirt commend is lewd for sure, but it is hardly the worst. I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure, but these men were probably autistic or just inexperienced with their advances... Or maybe you were the autistic one, I don’t know. You do realize you have the capacity to choose how to feel about such behavior? You choose to interpret it as the worst thing ever and so it is to you, when another woman would brush it off you choose to report it to HR. I also don’t see you saying you told them you weren’t interested, which would be the first step in taking action, not reporting something as simple to HR.
Also funny you mention he was making jokes about women when these days almost any movie or advertisement portrays men as incapable bafoons being rescued by a woman. Imagine if the gender roles where flipped in this media, the passive aggressive behavior and gaslighting stayed, the world would go mad. Do you see my point?
Also, I’m genuinely curious to hear how you imagine acceptable flirting would be like if say a man you don’t know approached you at work in cafeteria. How many hoops to jump through and covert language to use?
- Microsoft, learn how to be a human and respect others and it will be much less confusing for you.
If you think the difference between flirting and harassment is coded language, then you are pretty lost when it comes to mature human interactions.
Women are not a puzzle to be unlocked with the right balance of pick-up artist BS. Treat people like people and not targets for your sexual wants and you might have better luck in relationships or at least be a decent person.Dec 13, 20176
- TwitchLOG32There is nothing wrong with reporting something to HR. That is what HR is for. If the behavior is not a big deal, then HR shouldn't punish anybody. They could just tell the guy to knock it off.
If someone feels uncomfortable in any way at work, bringing it up immediately is the right thing to do. That way all the miscommunications and misunderstanding can be cleared up fast, and nobody has to be punished, or continued to feel uncomfortable.Dec 13, 20173
- Intelee1502Microsoft, your missing the point... that kind of behavior creates a toxic work environment for the recipient. You see it as men twice my age just hitting on me. But, It's inappropriate and demeaning to be hit on at work. Period. These men should focus on the work I output rather than staring at my ass.Dec 13, 20172
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- Microsofttolegit🥃At Microsoft, yes. It was humiliating and it cost me my career, my home, my savings, my dignity. I lost everything and the moment I regret the most is when i went to HR to complain about the sexual predator, harrassment and abuse i was experiencing. HR turned on me and not only allowed the abuse to continue, but blamed me and fired me.
- RokupriuLet's address the root problem. We're living in a culture which is obsessed with sexuality and constantly reinforces it. Sexuality can be enjoyed but why let it enslave oneself? The pleasure aspect of it evolved in nature just as an incentive for procreation but now it seems like it has defeated its purpose. https://youtu.be/j2QXcMZcqaE
- Mad props on Sadhguru video.
Adding to your point: The problem is that it would require women to give up their victim mentality and take responsibility for their own actions. Currently they outsource their responsibility to court, police, other men.
Once both sexes drop the façade and games, dating becomes simple and enjoyable. In US there is a pointless war between sexes, and a ton of emotionally charged “romantic” consumerism bullshit implanted in people’s heads. Once you drop learned guilt, shame, bullshit and realize it is just two human beings enjoying each other’s company it becomes as simple as: you have an itch, I have an itch scratcher. That’s it. How many completely unnecessary crap, services, counseling, books, porn, etc, do we consume in US that is totally unnecessary with proper sexual dynamics? Why give some middle man money that you can spend on each other having fun?
How many modern movies do you see a woman genuinely caring about her man? Not a thing in US, but almost every movie has a man caring to every woman’s desire. Very telling.
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- If I had a dollar for each time I'm asked "so how come you're in computer science?" or the cheesier version "so what is a pretty girl like you doing in computer science?" I'd be a millionaire.
- MicrosoftdyermakerI am objectified as a provider by women. All the men out there earning over $200k know what I'm talking about. It's cold and demeaning, knowing that the size of your bank account is what women are really most interested in. Whip out a credit card to pay for lunch, they'll be looking for carbon. Shoes and watches used to be what caught their eyes, but counterfeits are so common that today's enlightened woman ignores them. What can we as a nation do to counteract this predatory behavior and make well employed men feel safe again?
- Are you serious. Really. You think so little of women that it’s either you or them?
Just because women have to put up with shit doesn’t diminish what you have accomplished. It’s not an either/or.
I think the current climate is way OTT fwiw so I understand the frustration.
- In one of the previous jobs, my boss asked me to pretend that I'm his secretary (I was the only woman engineer on the team), come in during his meeting with a client and offer them coffee. A fucking disgrace. I left the company a bit later.