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I’m a 34 year old married Indian woman (not arranged). I have been feeling very lonely in my marriage and in my life in general despite having the closest members of my family around me. I feel very under appreciated for all that I do @home. My work is the only thing that keeps me going but I can’t say I enjoy that either. In fact I would say I hate my job. I think my husband finds me unattractive and boring (he says I’m too boomer with my thought process, taste in music etc). We grew apart over the last 5-6 years. We have no interests in common. I’m very introverted so I don’t have friends either and I cannot even pretend to care enough to strike a conversation with strangers. It’s like, I just want to end myself. #mentalhealth #depression </rant>
I know you say you’re introverted but you’re still human and you need more human connection outside of just your husband. I’m sure you can find friends or at least an online community - try that before you let yourself spiral off the deep end
Thank you for your suggestion. I appreciate it.
This is extremely concerning. Please see a mental health counselor at the earliest. Both of you can also consider seeing a family marriage counselor. Please don't delay on any of these steps. I am sure you both can afford the right counselors with the incomes you make. Don't try self diagnosis. Therapists can make a difference.
I don’t know. I’ve tried mental health counseling before but it doesn’t work for me. May be I should try another one.
Getting the right therapist is important. Please try more therapists or friends who can refer you. You can use psychology today, read some articles and see if you find any therapists posts that you resonate with and can reach out to them too. But give multiple therapists a chance and see. Family counseling too if you think there is no spark in the marriage anymore.
Please talk to a therapist. Please take walks, go in nature. It will help.
What ever happens don't keep affairs , Go for couple workshops like art , painting , or gaming only you both or other couples , play couple games , try to do any work together 😉, your thought process might be boomer but you can change it like ask him to join you for pub or go to strip club to spice things up, movie nights , date nights , or give him Viagra such sorts , feels like you guys have good money now you need enjoyment ,sex etc .
Lol. Weird take on affairs. I’d never cheat on my marriage. I’ve been a victim of infidelity which propelled me into the darkness of depression in the first place. Would never inflict that on another.
Not having intimacy in marriage is a concern. Please seek marriage counselling. If you both are willing to work on it, it can do wonders. As for not being appreciated at home, have you communicated that to your husband/ family? Do they understand where that feeling is coming from? Have they actively made efforts to resolve it? Also go on weekly dates where you do not talk about work/ chores/ kids (if you have any). Find out what each of your love languages are and try to make an effort to fulfil those. Sometimes taking a day or too away from each other also helps. My husband is away on a weekend trip and I can’t wait till he gets back and we can catch up on all the things we did separately. Have a life outside of work and marriage. Remember it’s when you love yourself first, that others will be drawn to you naturally. Hope this helps!
Thank you for your suggestions. Really appreciate it. If I bring any concern to my husband he pretty much invalidates them or gets hostile or gaslights me into thinking I’m worse than him. It’s always a debacle of me vs him. It’s true that I got to work on loving myself but the crippling depression I’ve had for years, I just feel too numb. I don’t even have emotions anymore.
He sounds horrible. I would look for divorce options. It’s too early to waste your life on a person like that. There will be people who can appreciate you (and no, divorce is not a taboo)
What’s your mbti?
What’s that?
What is your job level and role? Is that higher than your husband?
Yeah I’m L7 and he’s L5. He earns about 100k less than me. But I’ve never made him feel insecure because of it (he’s 2 years younger than me). And he’s not insecure about it either. If anything he motivates me to work. But maybe because I earn more than him he never gifts me or does anything sweet or romantic. Doesn’t take any efforts. I’m also expected to cook / clean. No appreciation unless I shamelessly ask for it. And I don’t want to get into the comments his family made about my looks. Thinking about it now enrages me.
Bruh you don’t need him, he needs you. Drop that like a hot potato, you deserve better
First, please dont think about killing yourself. This is very harmful, and know there are people who really care about you. Second, focus in what brings you joy. There mus be something you enjoy doing
Don’t have much advice on the relationship part but remember that ending yourself should be LAST resort. And there is a lot between you now and that point, I’m positive on this. For example you could divorce and travel somewhere exotic and see where life takes you. Crazy? Yeah. But still better than ending it all. You can’t say you’ve tried everything until… well, you’ve tried everything
Omg. Change it up. Start scolding your husband, he will fall in love with you all over again! Take zoloft in the meantime. Talk to your doctor.
Lol! Well, I guess he will never love me the same unless maybe I go through a massive physical transformation which I’m too numb and depressed to do. But I’m trying. Thanks for your suggestion.
Your body has very little to do with the level of attraction he feels towards you. Really. People think it’s all about looks. But it’s not. Be confident and be yourself. Improve your body and mind for your own sake, for your health, not for anyone else. You will be fine. You need to first get a mental state boost. Something like zoloft can give you that. Rest will come naturally. Take care OP :) I was in your place few years ago. But I have gotten out of that rut :) you can too.