I've been a Software Engineer for over 12 years and I recently quit Meta to join a Series-C startup a few months ago and I regretted it from the very beginning. They are much farther from any potential IPO/exit event that my recruiter made out to be and their culture is extremely top-down which I have not really dealt with so far in my career. The problem with my old manager was a lack of recognition for my work and openly being biased towards certain people in the team. One thing he was not was a micro manager. He trusted me from day one and gave me the space to learn and grow and I absolutely enjoyed my work there. Not once did he doubt me or show any lack of trust or respect. The biggest reason I left my job was the fear of layoffs at Meta and I wanted to get ahead of anything that could have happened. At my startup here, after the first couple of weeks, my manager has been giving me petty and nit-pick feedback that is obvious to anyone. I've onboarded several people myself at my previous jobs and I'd never give such feedback to anyone. Everyone starting a new role takes a few months to settle in. I feel this manager wants to assert some kind of dominance over me and literally points out every single thing I do differently from what he's used to. I feel strongly that he's gaslighting me, I'm here questioning my own ability and if I should even continue to be a software engineer or if it's really my fault. He's constantly comparing me to others in the team and even said the others in the team are probably exceptionally talented which is why they onboarded quicker. I've never had managers compare me to others in the team ever before. I had my 3-month review and my peer feedback was extremely positive while my manager feedback was neutral -negative at best, again pointing out the most petty things as something I need to improve on, while conveniently not mentioning any of the good work I've done so far. Lately, he's been bringing up my probation period multiple times a week and trying to micromanage everything I do. He meets with me multiple times in a day to ask about the status of my tasks and it's exhausting having your manager have zero trust you will deliver something. I've never had this experience even when I was fresh out of college in my first job. I feel like I've made a big mistake with the move. Should I let him know how I feel and see if he changes his management style? Or not bother and start interviewing once again? How would a 5 month stint at a startup look on the resume? Do recruiters focus on this a major red flag? #depression YOE: 12 TC: £220K London
Recently had something similar happen. Moved to startup and left after a 4 month stint due to a micromanaging boss that is constantly looking over my shoulder to the point that it makes it impossible for me to actually focus on getting the job done. Start interviewing and get out ASAP. Do not worry about how the 5 month stint looks. Just focus on getting the next role because asking him to change his management style is a long shot. If he’s talking about probation period he’s already thinking that you might be a bad fit and wants to let you go at some point anyway
That's good to know. Did the recruiters or interviewers care about the short stint at all? Did you face any backlash or comments from the manager when you quit?
Yes, completely agree. I think I'm usually the quieter one in the meetings and it's very possible that my manager assumes being quiet means I don't understand anything. I am not the person who will comment or speak for the sake of speaking. In fact my manager did bring that up in one of my 1-1s, he agreed he usually listens to the loudest person in the room and he wants me to speak up more in the meetings
I like to call this the "cult of personality" way of managing and I've seen it mainly with newish inexperienced female managers in startups (who have never worked in a corporate environment - and probably never will). They tend to have a cliquish almost "queen bee" mentality where they size you up pretty early on as being a "keeper" or not. And the "not" could be based on flimsy excuses like you have a different interest or style of working from theirs or you chew your food too loudly, ie it could be anything. They are also likely to be VERY threatened by you. Solution? Do everything they say even if it seems stupid or unreasonable - it's a control and respect my authority thing with these managers so it's their way or the highway - and get out. See if your old manager will take you back or if another manager within the startup will take you. If you want to stay, make sure you have other leaders vouching for you to her. That's the only way she will change her mind.
Yes, completely this! My manager is quite inexperienced as a manager, I think he's been a manager for 2 years now. From the first day, I did get a feeling he was trying to assert dominance over me. I'm doing everything he says for the time being until I get out of here.
Sorry to hear this @OP! Unfortunately these managers are also perfectionists - due to their lack of experience, they treat everything as being equally important and have real difficulty prioritizing things. They'll never manage anything big in their lives outside the startups that they constantly find themselves in. They rely only on a few trusted "yes-men" lieutenents (be careful of running afoul of these folks as they will badmouth you to your manager if they know you and your manager arent getting along!) Either become one of them or get out. It sounds to me like you might be smarter than them
Sounds like you have an issue with feedback. You'll probably hate my post too.
the opposite, really. I was at Meta for many years and we spent literally weeks writing feedback every year. I'm extremely receptive to feedback, not the kind of picky feedback you give for the sake of giving feedback, especially when you are my manager.
We often believe we act differently than what's is real. Maybe the feedback he gives you are things you are really not doing properly (even if obvious). I don't know you so I can only comment on what I have seen here.
Start interviewing immediately but you should also let him know by choosing your words carefully and document. Statements like - can we meet once a day since meeting multiple times is delaying the tasks? What can I do to gain more trust? If he is receptive, this may make your time here bearable. This will not change him since less that 1% managers have the maturity to be able to change there leadership style, or even the wish. But will tell him you are upfront and making boundaries. Don't let the 5 month mark keep you in a situation like this which affects your confidence. Many people change jobs in less than an year now. To recruiters you can say - the company wasn't doing good, or the commute was bad, or dont show in the resume.
Yes, I started to pushback a little last week, so I'm not sure how he's going to react to it tbh. But, yes, I've started to reach out to recruiters again and start the LC grind again.
IF you want to continue in this position: write down every bit of feedback he gives you, conform to it; flood him with data - and I mean go overboard - sharing every bit of progress you are making and demonstrate specifically how you have taken the feedback and changed your approach based on it. That is how you earn the trust of a micro manager. Now, there is a special variety of micro manager who will change the rules on you as you implement their feedback. If that's the case, then make your exit plan and quick. Those ones, the only way to win is to make sure that they *really* like you. Even if they do, they can still be very unpredictable.
Letting him know will not help in any way. Also, there’s more chance that it will backfire. There’s no trust, that’s basic. All you can do is find ways that what he says or does, doesn’t affect you. And prepare to move out. Don’t try to judge his personality. Only talk about work. Don’t try to fight with what he says. Otherwise it will only mess up your mind. Try to get the best out of this job (learning, experience, etc) and move out when you get a better opportunity. No workplace is going to be perfect
Yes, that's my feeling as well. I don't think letting him know is going to help in any way. I know no workplace is perfect, but I cannot deal with someone constantly micromanaging and gaslighting