Hey guys, this is probably my first time positing about my mental health issue on a public forum. I’m not entirely sure what exact issues I face ( cuz they haven’t been diagnosed by a professional yet). But from the self diagnosis tests I may have a mild to mediocre depression + severe anxiety. I also have an OCD, body esteem issues & overthink all the time. I’ve been living in my thoughts for close to 5-6 years now. It started with a bad break up but it just spiralled down from there. The last 5-6 years have also been some of the best years of my life professionally. I got selected, attended, graduated from a Top tier school, got a prestigious job, earn good money, promotions etc. I also dated a really good guy after that but ended up breaking up with him cuz of distance. These days I’m also dealing with issues about mediocrity, I feel like I’ve turned out average & will die unloved & unaccomplished . I’ve been abandoned by my friends many times too. At this point, I’m so overwhelmed by thoughts that i only think about negative things & even if something positive happens to me, I go “ ya whatever, in larger scheme of things, it’s all pointless”. #depression I definitely know that I need help. I just can’t get it at the moment ( I’m in a desi family so there are no boundaries for me to start taking virtual therapy). I don’t get self harm thoughts ( as yet?) but I do feel like everything is pointless. Like what’s the point of losing weight, it’s not like I’m a celeb, m just average nobody cares how I look. It doesn’t matter if I look great or not. What’s the point of money? What m I gonna buy with it? Car? Who cares? A beachside bungalow? Who cares? Not me What’s the point of music? When I’m never gonna be famous for it? I’m a nobody. I know these are not normal thoughts & I do want to take action & get help. I’m just not sure where to start. I cry at the drop of a hat & anyone dealing with or talking about mental health triggers my condition. Would help if people can share their experiences & concrete things that can help me atleast in the short term before I can start full time therapy & medications as recommended. #depression #mentalhealth #Mediocrity
Tech Industry
2d
38448
I'm rejecting any interview that is LC
Tech Industry
Yesterday
252
[Poll] AI vs non AI work
Personal Finance
Yesterday
1069
how to retire on 2 million, practical solution
Tech Industry
Yesterday
670
[India] What's your NW, age and Total YOE
India
Yesterday
954
Why do Indian-Americans(Indians who were born in the Us) rarely marry Indians who came to the US for education/ work?
This is all because of pressure. Attending top tier school, get good job and earn great money all sound great, but they are not priceless. You need to know clearly what you actually pay for that. My advice: find a much easier job, accept (or try) earn less and meanwhile also less pressure (or potentially less mental pressure ). Try that for months or years and see if it helps.
I agree with you. I feel like I’ve been running on autopilot for all these years & suddenly I can’t even relate to who I am, what I want or what I stand for
You were fed a lie that there's one way to be "successful" and now they you're successful, you don't feel successful. I feel it too.
This.
I know everyone says it but meditation. You identify with your thoughts. You think you are your thoughts. The real you is beyond these thoughts.
I only feel qualified to speak on two things you said, but they resonated with me. What’s the point of losing weight? For me, even though I already have an SO, seeing my body change for the better in the mirror every day just gave me something to be proud of myself about. It’s hard work, and the progress felt like a “badge”. It had no other external reward for me, but it made life interesting in the same way having a plant slowly grow on your windowsill each day does (albeit cooler lol). It also does a LOT for your baseline neurochemistry and will help in giving you that initial lift out of your set ways and mentalities Similar deal with music. I play piano and compose on my computer and I don’t show things to like, anybody. In fact I hate performing in front of ppl. But setting milestones/goals for myself and hitting them makes me proud of myself and gives me another flower to watch grow—my abilities. It’s also meditative to play things I’ve already mastered, and that’s an activity that makes me just happy to be alive in the present moment absent of future goals or expectations. Tldr I think you should fill your present day to day with small, modest, consistent things you have intrinsic interest in. And really do consider exercise as a way to lurch out of the inertia your mood has built up, it’s commonly the first thing anyone tells a person with depression to start doing.
Thank you. I agree with you. Last year I was exercising daily so even though I was living 100% alone for 8 long months but my mental health was in a much better shape. I also don’t like performing for others. But lately my connection with music has been broken ( I play keyboards, sing & play basic level of guitar) have been doing it since I was a child & then stopped doing it as I started slipping into depression
Everyone’s different, but for me when I get into a hiatus longer than 2 months the last thing I want to do is pick up where I left off, so I’ll pick a song from a show or a movie that I recently liked, and not force myself to practice. Maybe 10 min every other day ish. That said it’s literally just fine to give up and come back to music in a few months or even a year/beyond, when it feels right it’ll feel right! Say no to that voice that wants to feel guilt for taking a step away
First, counseling. Sounds like you need to rearrange your values and the framework you look at your life. I know we all are competing to be better and more special all the time but believe it or not, your life is special and precious without those. From there, you can think about what’s important to you, how you want to spend your life and what you need to get there. Money, reputation, etc. is supposed to be the means, never the destination. Even friends and spouse is what enriches your life but never the essence. Personally, i got out if my depression stage 3 years ago. I even was sent to a ward for a week due to my suicidal thoughts. And i got out of the tunnel after some serious work. Now i have good job, good money, amazing bf but even without them, i’m fine. I learned that I’m resilient, funny and kind and i like that about myself. In terms of joy of life, i love eating delicious stuff so everyday has been an opportunity to identify what i’m craving exactly and serving it. If i’m not satisfied, try again with a different food. With the pandemic, i added a little layer of cooking and it’s fun too. Life doesn’t have to be a grand thing. Not everyone has to be gates or bezos. My life is beautiful because of all the delicious stuff. Not being able to eat seafood because of the ocean pollution is pretty sad but not sad enough to leave this world. Hope this helps and hope you find something that makes you understand your life’s specialness. Counseling will help you reassess your view
Thank you. What you really made me cry because that’s all I really want in life. The joy of small things, I want to enjoy & celebrate my life as it is. I’m glad you found that for u & I hope I can find my joy soon too :)
There are so many things in your post I relate to. I was at the point when I used to think "whats the point of eating/ sleeping/ working", it went beyond things I enjoy like you are suggesting to everyday mundane things. This was my gateway into depression. The biggest thing was, I was not enjoying and also actively avoiding the things I used to enjoy a lot before. As though I was preventing myself from being happy, it made no sense. Its completely ok to feel these things but understand that its a depressive phase you are going through now and take the necessary steps very soon. Its concerning that you say "not yet" to suicidal thoughts, not everyone with depression always has it but chronic depression is not good for your health either.
I also “romanticise” pain in a sense. I actively look for things to be upset/sad about. Victimise myself & feel bad for myself. Even though I recognise these patterns, m not able to act on correcting these. I don’t get suicidal thoughts & I think about it often ( since that would be the point when I know that shit has hit the roof), but I don’t think I will ever have them. I think the fact that I’m saying that I MAY sometime in future get those, is probably pandemic fuelled. But whenever I think about self harm thoughts, I think I would much rather quit my job & will move to another country before entertaining those thoughts
Its amazing that you are able to sense a pattern even without seeking help. You seem to have self awareness and that goes a long way in working on your mental health. Before I go any further I would like to say, please DO NOT self diagnose, you are doing more harm than if you dont take any steps at all. That being said, I totally understand not being able to take therapy in a desi household. I'm desi too, I know how your family wants to pretend you are "perfect" and nobody should know that you might have a mental illness. So here is what I have been told and that has helped me. These are positive coping mechanisms so I'm sharing them with you. You still should NOT take medication or diagnosis from people on the internet. 1. STOP. Just stop, that's it. If you are thinking, stop. Breathe. Focus on your breath however long it takes to just focus on your breath just keep doing that. This is a way to regulate your breath and your body and stop from your head going into overdrive. 2. Pretend there is no past and future when you feel very very overwhelmed and breathe. Do something that keeps you in the present. Take a walk outside, a breath of fresh air, dance your heart out, play a online game, read a book or even watch TV (but make sure you do these actively and not passively as this will again make you think). 3. You feel, you think about how you feel and then you feel bad about how you feel bad. There are several books that state these loops. I also have that problem of romanticizing or self pity most of the times. What I was told by a doctor that really hit me right is, if you stay in bed all day, every day - you are telling your body and mind it is OK to be this way. You should make a conscious effort for everything - even to stay happy. There are happy souls out there, good for them. But we probably need to work a lot harder to be happy because of the things that we have gone through in life. Hope you make the effort and pat yourself on the back every single time you do. Please don't wait for others to uplift you, nobody knows what you are going through but you. :)
Maybe take a vacation, do meditation, talk to friends and/or family everyday, enjoy simple pleasures like reading, cooking, singing or dancing. Maybe have a pet or grow plants. Hope you find some peace ✌️
OP, everything is pointless because in 100 years nobody even gonna remember us. But, doesn't mean I'm not gonna try to be the best version of myself.
Go vegan, meditate, go explore nature, don’t watch the news, trust the universe, sit in silence, let go of all thoughts, listen to 432hz frequency music, live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending and relinquish control. You would be surprised how many things fall into place when you learn to follow you spirit and speak with your soul.
I can relate to every single thing you said, struggling with these thoughts for several years now.
Have you been able to seek/get help? What do you do that helps you cruise forward
I think we should connect, I am sure we have relatable stories. Regarding help nothing professional yet. Might sound strange but what really has helped me is a manga.