*Full disclosure*: This post contains some rants, and some introspective thoughts. Now that you've been warned, I'll know to ignore any "stop ranting, whining, b....ing" comments as pure hate. đ I'm an immigrant guy, came here about half a decade ago, went thru the exciting/scary/hectic/poor grad school phase, took up a job that gave me all the money and time in the world (compared to grad school) while allowing me to gain useful experience/skills at my own pace, got bored after a couple of years, moved up to a bigger job at a better company, and now feeling a bit helpless/hopeless about my personal life and relationships... đ Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for all my education and the jobs I've held/hold but looking back in retrospect, it's clear that I've focused too narrowly on only one thing at the expense of everything else during these years: my career. Why career? The only acceptable answer that I could come up with: it's a proxy for đ°. Turns out that more money doesn't make one happier, who knew... I'm quite social and friendly, have an awesome set of friends that I frequently meet and spend time with and don't really have anything to worry about in life. Except, I don't have a partner and don't think that's about to change anytime soon in the Bay Area. I've watched most of my friends get married over the years and ended up being the odd guy out in a social circle of couples. FOMO? Maybe. It also doesn't help that my immediate family and other relatives are not around, so I'm very dependent on my friends circle here. /rant Is this experience fairly the norm for immigrant guys or am I somehow in a unique situation? Also, where are all the girls in the Bay Area?!? I'd gladly take a lower paying job and move if that'd help improve my personal life in a meaningful way. #Maslow PS: Thanks to everyone who contributed to this very productive discussion, and to those of you who reached out over PM. You people have restored my faith in Blind! Cheers.
I donât know what you guys do and where you go but there are tons of attractive women all over the Bay Area. Iâm thinking youâre doing it wrong.
Well, not sure if it was clear/obvious. I'm an immigrant, maybe you are too. That does severely restrict my options, both due to women preferring someone culturally similar as well as my own preferences in whom I want to date.
It looks like itâs your own doing if you decided to live in such a diverse country but avoid the diversity. Itâs like going swimming but trying to not get wet. Also, if itâs a parents thing or some other weird shit then just remember that they already lived their life and there is no reason why they need to be fucking with yours. Live a little.
Coffee meets bagel
Why was a career proxy for money? If you want money, chase money. Cut out career as a middleman. It simplifies life.
Veet51 I can understand what you are going through as some of these experiences mirror my life. You mention you are an immigrant and also that you would be willing to take a lower paying role for more quality of personal life. Some ideas: A) if you have become a us citizen try working in your home country for a few years near family and see if you can organically get matched. ( i mention us citizen as if this doesnt work out you can always come back) B) activities and associations are not that promising but can check out multiple and see if something works out
Nope, still an immigrant to A).
Hmm in that case it comes down to making choices, but looks like lot of good ideas have been suggested down this chain.
I feel like having a partner is the best thing that's helped even my work life be more organized and productive.
Dude donât get frustrated over not getting married. This may be a blessing. You donât want to come back to this thread in 5 years and be like- wtf was I thinking....
I'm not frustrated about not getting married, my friends circle is constantly diminishing due to them getting married, leaving me buddy-less at times. đ
#travel see the world! Make new friends!! Travel solo if you can't find company! Go back to college, get another degree or enroll in some courses, tech or non-teach any!! Find outdoor activities to do! The more you go out the more chances you have to meet new people and develop meaningful relationships and may be meet "the one"!
Good advise! Thanks. âșïž
Great advice!!
U r not alone. There are many like u. My suggestion is have patience and keep trying. Hang out with college students SFSU, SJSU, SCU.. join social activities...the frustration is understandable but hang in there.
College students are only acceptable to hang out with with the intention of dating until you're like 25. After that it gets creepy. Don't be like that 39 year old who was trying to go out with me back when I was an undergrad. Grad students could be a good idea though
SFO has got many single women. Rest of the SF Bay is a cock-fest
you mean the airport?
Lol sounds like SFO airport got/imported many single women from somewhere!