Thanks for the comments.
I guess I put too much personal info so I’m deleting the content.
Thanks for the comments.
- F5 Networks RRADon't worry, OP. What could go wrong? It's only conservative Pakistani Muslims.
- Adobe KbTJ88This thing will only end in two ways -either you will convert (before or after marriage: and you will convince yourself that you did it for love and there is nothing wrong with that) or you will dump him. I will bet my house on this
- I doubt he prays, he obviously isn't muslim. Just ""convert"" and pretend to be Muslim it's really not that hard. Ive dated a Pakistani girl for four years and we're getting married soon.
Trust me when I say that you won't get the same commitment from anyone else.. pakis stick with you forever. You have to be willing to understand the culture. If you don't want to then stick with your own culture.
As for what to expect when you do get married, imagine a solid family unit with a good support structure.
- He grew up with the religion, so he can pretend way better than someone who has no clue about it.
And if he’s so concerned that his parents won’t accept you unless you’re Muslim, then that means he hasn’t told them that he’s not a Muslim anymore. And if he hasn’t told them, it’s because he’s scared to tell them. And if it ever comes out, you can be sure that they will believe that you used your womanly wiles to charm him out of his religion. And you will be the enemy.
- OP, did you watch The Big Sick? Basically, at some point your bf/ husband (after marriage) WILL need to come clean to his parents, unless you are ready to live a life of subterfuge whenever they/ your bf's relatives are around.
Also, as I'm told, a Muslim guy can change his mind anytime in the future, and become more orthodox/ conservative. Basically, there's no guarantee that he will remain as open minded even in the future. I've had Muslim friends who were mod during school/ college, but changed after marriage, to become more conservative.
I also know of a Muslim man who married a non-Muslim girl, promised he'd never ask her to convert, and never did (at least not till the last time I knew of her). But in that case, the girl's family was wealthy, and the boy came from quite modest circumstances.
Do realize that for Muslims, their religion allows polygamy, and though this wouldn't be recognized legally in the US, there's nothing to prevent someone from having someone back home in Pakistan. Not saying your bf is like this, but just laying things out in black & white, so you are aware. The final decision is yours. If I may, though, where are you from?
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- This guy is a hypocrite. Dump him. I am from a Muslim family myself. I know this kind. They will drink whiskey but look for halal chicken.
Open your eyes. Dump him.
- SunTrust Dr Dang1- You are dating a man-child not a man.
2- you have to convert to marry a Muslim that’s a condition in Islam.
3- be prepared to give away your freedom of eating pork
4- be prepared to hear about how great Pakistan is and OBL was a freedom fighter
5 - get used to the theory that west has shitty culture.
6- can’t wear the cloths of your choice
- Google futgugThreaten to bring sanctions and cancel all the aid.
That's the only thing that goes in their head.
- Microsoft datascSorry to say this sounds like a lost cause. Like many have said before, if they’re that conservative, they will hate and interfere with you for the rest of your life with him. And if he’s that attached to them, there is no way on earth he will have your back when that happens (in fact he’s already shown you that when shit hits the fan he bails). This isn’t a judgment about him, just a cold hard fact about where his priorities lie. You appear to be setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
- To the OP. This is not about religion but perception of his religious commitment and cultural values. He has this idea of how his parents will see him if he discloses his relationship.
Please don't pay attention to the nonsense about burqa or honor killings, people throwing these terms around must be as ignorant about Islam and cultural values as they sound.
Here's what I think. He's reluctant to stand up for you because he doesn't see you fitting the description of a typical wife therefore he worries that his parents and perhaps extended family won't accept you. Pakistani men hold their mothers in high regard and they're big part of their life. It is unimaginable for them to go against her wishes.
There's no such thing as becoming Muslim for the sake of getting married. Islam doesn't work that way. If you "become" Muslim just to get married you're not really Muslim. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to understand or care for this, as you mentioned he's not a very practicing Muslim himself. Definition of dating or what is acceptable form of opposite sex interaction before getting married varies wildly by culture. This can differ from ethnicities within the same country.
In principle Islam permits a man and a woman to know about and each other if their intention is marriage. Physical interaction is prohibited and considered haraam prior to entering the marriage contract. This is necessary to protect women from being taken advantage of, as a wife has several rights over her husband.
Please feel free to PM with specific questions if you like. Based on which part of Pakistan he's from, and his family ties I can paint a better picture of the ground realities for you. I do feel sorry that you're getting the run around.
Practicing Muslim men don't play games like this. I know this from people I have known over the years. Muslim men can marry Christian, or Jewish women without them coming to Islam. There is no compulsion in Islam, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Islam may not dictate such things but Muslim do, all the time. Women are not even second but third class citizen. And Pakistan has the worst kind of Muslim.
Source? A fellow by born Muslim who sees Muslim hypocrites every day. They would vote Democrat’s for being immigrants friendly but everything else will align with republicans.
I hate my own kind.
- It does. Now she knows we are a bunch of hypocrites who will stone women to death for adultery. We will hang people for insulting Islam.
Not true? Well ask a paki. What do you think op didn’t sleep with this guy? According to Pakistan law she is either dead or gets hundred lashes.
Good luck op.
- >>"Muslim men can marry Christian, or Jewish women without them coming to Islam. There is no compulsion in Islam, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
What about religions other than Judaism and Christianity? What if the woman was atheist, agnostic, Hindu, or any OTHER religion? Would your second statement above still hold? I don't think so.
Truth be told, everything's hunky dory when you follow the rules. It's when you don't, or won't, that the compulsions surface.
- A couple counseling might help but not entirely sure on that.
Here there's a set of people with supremacy complex. And then there are people who themselves complain of being persecuted in turn will readily persecute others, given a chance. A lot of people in both groups are seeking outlet for what they see in the workplace as unjustified or get riled up by religious or nationality based sensationalism. So this is no place for personal advice esp in a situation like yours.
- I just thought I could hear what people actually think on Blind. All my friends were too scared to say anything about a religion and didn’t want to sound like they don’t agree with “other culture” so they all said stuff like “I respect their religion” kind of stuff and nobody wanted to talk more about it cuz it’s too sensitive lol
- OP, you should ask people who have had inter-religious and inter-cultural marriages, where one partner's side is very conservative. Maybe check out some groups on FB. If you are not even from the Indian sub-continent, it may be hard, because of the differences in culture. And it's not even like his parents are back home in Pakistan, they are right here, so they will have near unrestricted access to their son, which will only make things worse, adding to that, their son, like a typical S E Asian son, clearly doesn't seem to be able to stand up to them. So the pressure to conform will ALSO fall on you, and you will feel that pressure (in fact, it is ALREADY falling on you, which is why you posted this).
- Microsoft / Engbdjdk1. Dating is not a sin in Islam. It might be in the wahabbi interpretation of it, which I don't need to elaborate.
2. It's not about him being devoted to you. Children from the South Asian subcontinent won't abandon their parents so easily and if you take this forward then you'll have to live with the hate/disapproval forever. I'm saying this because if the parents are fundamentalists (which they seem to be) then there will be conflicts in opinion in almost every aspect of life. Wanting to change that is not something you want to sign up for. So like someone above said, leave because it's impractical to stay.
- Google atdkIs your family okay with change of religion?
Do you think it stops there ? Will your future inlaws be disappointed with you if you don't follow their customs 'properly' ?
Calling this off is very mature. There are lots of great people you can date. Marriages involving people from different cultures are tricky. Even more so when one side is very conservative.
- Microsoft grammarlyI totally understand and hear your situation. Been there done that. Things work little different in Indian and Pakistani culture. In general folks are very attached and parents have more say. It is very important to go along well with spouse family if you want your and his happiness. There is no problem converting but this is just a beginning. Expectations are higher and you have to adjust from here. At one point you would realize that this is not you anymore. Don’t be what you don’t want to be. Just speak out loud what you want. I did the same thing and left my ex of similar reasons. I am so happy I did that, I met my wife who loves me and understand my parents and I do the same.
- Apple hakunanaMaAre you Indian? If yes then definitely lost cause or else there might be slight chance
- The only time you want to meet your conservative in laws would be when you want to get married. Even if they are okay with you being with their son, the very first thing on their agenda would be marriage. If you trust that guy, give him time or ask when he wants to introduce you. I guess?