Majority of people I get to meet at work are nice. However there are some of them in my team who makes me think like what have I done to you to be treated like this? I wanted to get along with coworkers and not having anyone to go with lunch sometimes makes me depressed so I join lunch with them many times. But sometimes these things happen and that makes me really sad. Just curious how I should see these or behave differently, or if you had similar experience previously. - I was talking to a colleague as my team was heading to lunch. Another guy cuts in the conversation in foreign language I don't understand. And then keeps chatting in that language forever. - At team lunch I asked to one of them, what do you do for fun. They would answer "video game". I would ask a few more questions and keeps getting one or two words answers until I realize it's impossible to keep the conversation. Of course the same coworker very much get talkative when with his manager or someone who they need at work. - One time 3 of us went to lunch. This guy was talking all along about housing and investment which I don't really relate to, which is ok. But I really felt being ignored because entire time he was talking to the other guy even though I was actively listening and trying to get in the conversation.
You need new friends, don't force yourself to be friends with them in particular. Just a personal opinion, i know it is bad to generalize people, but all the people that i knew at google were like this. I felt that it was like a fraternity.
I feel the same about Google people when I was an intern there. Joined LinkedIn later, made friends with all my colleagues, had lunch together every day and hang out from time to time. OP, Google culture just might not be the best for you...
Most people in tech don’t have an interesting personal life or hobbies. So if they are not interested in talking about it, take a clue and don’t insist. If you are desperate to have friends at work, learn more about what they are interested in and have something meaningful to contribute to the conversation. Instead of asking what you do for fun, it’s not a date! Most people hate small talk anyway.
Yup. You can only say I like binging Netflix so many times lol
Find someone with similar interests? You’re making friends, it’s a two-way street. You really don’t need to feel bad, invite your friends for free Google food or something. I know, I know, Google food is not that good anymore. :)
Your coworkers are not the best pool to find friends. They’re also not under any obligation to have lunch with you. Do you have any kind of hobby groups there? Ways you can network in a less formal setting about a topic you’re interested in? If not, look outside at a meetup group. You sound really lonely. It’s hard being lonely and not really being friends with your coworkers. I have other people that work in my company that I can have lunch with, and that’s nice. I rarely have lunch with my coworkers unless it’s a team thing. While I’m fairly rich friend-wise right now, it wasn’t always the case. I spent a lot of lunches at my desk. That said, I’m supporting a kickstarter that is literally about making friends as an adult because it’s hard: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/microcosmpublishing/friending-making-and-maintaining-adult-friendships
Be yourself and always remember that it is business and NEVER personal. You will know who your true friends are when your company decides to reorganize and/or have layoffs and you all are in competition to secure your roles or jobs. Also, if people in your group form exclusive cliques then you are better off trying not to fit in with them but let them fit in with YOU. Be kind, but pay them no mind, and you will succeed in due time 😉
Thanks for all the comments. It really helps me think about how I feel and what I should be doing. Maybe I was too obsessed with the idea that I should get along with team members. It makes me happy when I talk with some of them and get to know more about them which is good, but there are others who not only do not click with me but also make me feel they are keeping me out of them or their group. This definitely got worse as work wise I am pretty much isolated as my tl/manager are ones I worked closely for 6 months of me with this company, they left the team recently and now it's just me working on this part. I do feel very much lonely at work. I do have handful of friends outside of my team but still sometimes I find myself really depressed at my desk. I feel like I need to change something and just thinking if that's gonna be me to give less shit about anything at work, or I should try to change about my work settings anyhow.
R u Indian
I felt the same .. too much pressure to be more social .. i left that company and came back to microsoft .. i feel so much better .. less TC though happier .. just want you to know that this happens to most new hires
Curious what was the nationality/language of the co-worker?
This
Indian