I was only nineteen years old. I loved FAANG so much, I had all the Leetcode and CTCI. I'd pray to FAANG every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "FAANG is love", I would say, "FAANG is life". My dad hears me and calls me a wageslave. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of high TC. I called him a hobo. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Google. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my market". He grabs me with his powerful Googly hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my interview-cheeks for Google. He whiteboards my leetcode. It hurts so much, but I do it for Google. I can feel my yoe tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Google. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my TC with his RSUs. My dad walks in. Google looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all Googly now". Google leaves through my window. FAANG is love. FAANG is life.