#MeTooFeb 13, 2018
UndisclosedSXIo85

Followed and grabbed by coworker

I began working at a health tech startup in SF and the company culture was pretty bad. My story is just one example of this. This employee was one of the first employees at the company, and was high-up in the engineering team. He was beloved by everyone, and was super social -- he made an effort to get to know everyone as the company grew quite rapidly. We had a conversation every now and then, but were not particularly close. One day he brought in his adorable tiny dog, and so the next day when I saw him, I looked down at his feet and made a sad face, saying "where's your dog?" A few weeks later, when I ran into him again I joked around that he was still witholding his sweet dog from all of us, and he loudly said "[My name] always looks down there and then looks disappointed. I think she's not impressed with what I'm packing." Not only was this incredibly inappropriate, he repeated the joke often. I decided to let it go, and just shrugged it off as strange behavior. Our next major interaction was during the company holiday party. When I arrived, he was already quite drunk. He kept talking with me, and everything was cordial. I noticed throughout the evening that he seemed to be following me, showing up no matter where in the crowded building I was with my co-workers. At one point we were chatting and I asked where his wife was--as every other department head had brought their significant other. He said that she was shy, and didn't typically like events like these so she was home with their young children. After this happened, I went to dance with some friends, and then he came up behind me, putting both of his hands on my waist and pulling me close to him. He started squeezing my hips and whispered, "is it okay if I tell you how good you look tonight?" I could feel his hands start to move south, and I turned around and said "Absolutely not. You better leave me alone." He looked shocked, and stumbled away. The next week I told a few co-workers about the incident, and one told me that she thinks his marriage is troubled and that he's probably just lonely -- I had “no reason to be upset.” Multiple other co-workers told me about men that groped them at that party, tried to kiss them, and one even told me that a manager in my department followed her when she went to lay down after drinking too much and she woke up to him touching her legs. One told me she didn't want to go to HR because she was up for a promotion, and didn't want to rock the boat. After hearing all this I decided to take this incident to HR. I felt supported by the HR department, who validated that his behavior was not acceptable and that she would chat with this employee. She said she would follow up with me after. Two weeks later there was no follow up, and when I reached out to her she said that he was "embarrassed." Interestingly enough, he left the company not too long after that. #metoo

Facebook Awk Feb 13, 2018

You’re a calmer person than me. I would have punched him in the face if he came up and grabbed me from behind.

Uber pip2 Feb 13, 2018

Hopefully we are making small steps forward on this. It seems like more women's voices are being heard. Long way to go. Sorry you had to experience that.

Twitter Sightglass Feb 13, 2018

You had no reason to be upset, because he was probably lonely. Interesting reasoning.

Undisclosed
SXIo85 OP Feb 13, 2018

I mean really, what was I doing looking so good?!

Yahoo Cakers Feb 13, 2018

The things people come up with to justify disgusting behavior.

Slack slackerz Feb 13, 2018

wtf....how did you even put up with this...

Undisclosed
SXIo85 OP Feb 13, 2018

I ask myself the same thing all the time now.

Yahoo Cakers Feb 13, 2018

OP, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It’s absolutely appalling and disgusting. You are such a brave and calm person to speak up.

Cisco Buzzman Feb 13, 2018

Sucks that this is so familiar. So many things we learn to shrug off at work. I’ve been propositioned by an exec, leered at openly (others noticed), asked about my breasts, even weirdly stalked for a few weeks online by a guy who helped me with a support ticket. That doesn’t include the numerous times outside of work I’ve been groped at bars, concerts, even freaking Walgreens. I finally lost it on a guy who grabbed my ass as I was getting off public transit. Something snapped and I jumped back on, chased him down and screamed at him until the next stop as he cowered next to a door. It was the only door that failed to open so I was able to berate him for another stop. LOL Sadly, all the work incidents above happened after this. Most men I’ve worked with have been pretty great. Several have been phenomenal. Still, too many have been creeps or too cowardly to speak up.

Undisclosed
looger Feb 14, 2018

Can't believe this to be true

Clue Katzenfrau Feb 15, 2018

@looger why is this so hard to believe? I work mostly in Germany, but I do go to the US several times a year. It’s shocking how poorly I’ve seen women treated in SF and Silicon Valley.

Flagged by the community.
Undisclosed
LPGp28 Feb 13, 2018

Why are you trying so hard to sound smart? After reading the whole story you found one part that sounds reasonable and pointing that out as if you had a great finding? 👏👏

Yahoo Shtqmnp Feb 14, 2018

It’s not like he just asked if he can dance with her.

Undisclosed
lingading Mar 6, 2018

I'm a guy. And I'm astounded to hear shit like this. Not all guys are dumb af like him. Man, people are weird. I feel for you lady. Maybe I won't understand fully what you went through. But I'm glad you could share this.