For people who think toxic masculinity doesn’t exist and male entitlement is purely a myth !Feb 27
I have been looking out jobs recently and today I received this text message ... this creep ( who’s not in my contacts) texts me saying he saw my profile on bumble ( that doesn’t have my phone number on it ) and came across my resume ( that has my number on it ). I have a unique name so not so difficult to figure out it’s the same person. Clearly he has misused professional information ...
what can I do ? What should I do ?
I’ve been actively looking for a job switch so have applied to multiple firms ... I’m in NYC so it’s not so easy to figure it out ...
Here’s how this is connected to “toxic” masculinity
1. Thinking that if he got a piece of information about a woman ( even if it’s from a professional platform ) he can use it to up his dating / getting laid game
2. Not accepting that after right swiping me on a dating app if he hasn’t yet received a match from me it could mean that I’m not interested in him
3. Thinking that all a woman is ( even is she is applying for a job ) nothing but an object of sexual amusement ... not a coworker !!!
- New / Mediapsychxmore@vcxP76. She put her name, but not her phone number on a dating app.
She also sent out resumes.
A (presumably) hiring manager saw her resume and recognized the name as someone he saw on a dating app.
He then took the phone number off of her resume and used it to text her to try to hook up with her.
SINCE WHEN IS IT OK TO GO THROUGH RESUMES TO FIND A SEXUAL PARTNER?
It’s never been ok. That is literally the definition of abuse of power and sexual harassment.
However, this is NOT the definition of toxic masculinity. I say this as a hardcore radical feminist who actively works to prevent my own son from getting wrapped up in toxic masculinity.
This guy is definitely an entitled, predatory, super creep. And it IS indicative of the gender/sex based harassment that women experience on a daily basis. But it’s not toxic masculinity. It’s actually much worse than toxic masculinity.
OP, you need to contact the company he works for and complain. This is a major issue and the company could get screwed over. In the era of #MeToo, a company with a hiring manager using resumes as a dating pool will likely be dragged through the mud online. It could affect stock prices, contracts, etc. The company needs to know. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling them, I would be willing to do it for you.Mar 33
- @psychx - I don’t know this Creep’s name or his firm ... I have been actively looking out for jobs for 2 months now and I’ve applied to 100s of jobs ... it’s not feasible to for me to find this on my own .. i did paid reverse lookups with 3 service providers and none found any records ... I’ve raise an online issue with the local police department
- This is not toxic masculinity you stupid idiot. This is just a creep - there are female creeps as well. Stop spreading falsehoods and bigotry. You should be ashamed
- New DNWELLI know a ton of ladies that I think would do similar things. How should we call that?
- OP, don't let it get you down that a ton of these people seem to be missing the obvious fact that this kind of thing is massively more common with men than women. Yeah, apparently people still need a lot of dots connected for them to understand the term toxic masculinity.
- @sgfru - thanks .... glad to know some sensible people are here on this platform ... these two ( @mrglass and new guy ,whatever the fuck his username is ) bullies here have been raiding every comment here .... clearing the “toxic” masculinity phrase touch a “toxic” nerve ... lol
- Honesty and truthfulness is now bullying to you, bigot?
- And OP, how have I been bullying? I agreed with you that what the guy did was wrong, and I agreed with you that toxic masculinity is a real problem, all I'm saying is what the guy did had nothing to do with toxic masculinity. In fact what he did was not masculine at all, he sounds like a wimp.
- Two weeks ago, a woman refused to take her handbag off in a crowded subway transit (lol at man spreading)
By the OPs “logic”, doesn’t this prove toxic feminism exists?
- Check your bumble. Since he says he sent you a request, you should know who he is (intersection between where you sent the resume and dudes you are matching on bumble). Contact the recruiter from that company if you are in touch else 911.
- Apple FlightRiskI feel you are totally over reacting, the guy may like you and totally co-incidently come across your resume and out of excitement of this text you.
None of his comments are offensive
Every one has a perspective
- You should be able to find the identity of the person who owns this cell phone number. Among other things, you can call at night from an unknown number and listen to the voice mail. You can also just google the number - sometimes the owner will pop up. There are also apps you can put on your phone to identify ppl who call / text.
I would encourage you to make sure you have a job somewhere before you alert his HR department, as he could retaliate against you. Focus on taking care of yourself first. You can weaponize this later. But, remember, the guy who sent that text could be on this platform. Watch your back
- With all due respect to you, while that is a gratifying idea, he could be someone who is incapable of learning lessons. People do what they can get away with. And if he is a high performing person in his company, they won’t do anything about it. I am not saying don’t pursue it; I am suggesting that you be realistic about the likelihood that you get justice vs. likelihood that you get an enemy in your industry. My experience is that big rain makers have no consequences. In banking, in tech, in real estate.
- Airbnb NxptngzfwCan you give me an exact concise definition of toxic masculinity?
Also, where do you draw the line between toxic masculinity and just regular masculinity?
Everyone has different answers to these 2 questions. The whole toxic masculinity thing is a myth
- Stop talking to him, immediately. Any reaction from you whatsoever will be interpreted by him as positive reinforcement. Use your phones block functionality to block his number. Block him on bumble. If he contacts you in any other way, block that too.
And then move on and live your life and don't give creeps like this asshat a second thought
Flagged by the community.
- Since the OP thinks men are trash, they shouldn’t be surprised by this behaviour.
- I dont think we should play the blame game. Research actually shows that men and women are equally aggressive, the difference being men use physical violence versus emotional violence for women (broad generalizations of course - men and women are more similar than different)
What do you think about the tragically rising suicide rates by high school and college age women?
These are caused by social bullying and shaming lead predominantly by females.
Is this type of behavior less toxic or dangerous?
Flagged by the community.
- I've seen men and women use authority or connections in an attempt to gain leverage.
I know shitty men exist. Its not a myth.
I also know shitty women exist but that's somehow ok because girl power?
While reaching out to you like this was unprofessional and honestly, yea, fucking creepy, this isn't toxic masculinity. This is a creeper doing creeper things. Could have just as easily been a female on the other end.
What you should have just been a petty b-word (because curse words limit my ability to post), string him along for a name or company and then report him to his HR. Dude would've been walked out by now.
But that's just me....
- It was more of a general statement than anything else. I'm not saying you're pro-shitty women.
I'm also not saying you aren't special as an individual but you are really not that special as a human living in 2019, or any other year.
You shut this guy down before anything could come from it. You weren't in danger. YOU actually kept yourself safe.
My beef with this topic as a whole is that even though you, or any other woman that shares a story like this, may not specifically mean ALL men are shit, the argument of toxic masculinity becomes all encompassing.
Our opinions may clearly differ but we do agree this dude crossed a line, is a creeper, and should die in fire.... and isnt that all that matters?
- Databricks GjsmxsCreep? Absolutely
Masculinity issues? Maybe
Can you figure out who this is? Yes
1) consult a lawyer, who will likely advise you to:
2) file a police report
a) get a PI involved
b) request to subpoena Bumble/cell company for records as discovery in a lawsuit
4) file said lawsuit and/or take other action against said person either formally or through back channels
Will you follow through on that process? My money's on no, because in most such situations I've seen the complainant gives up.
There are other far less formal ways to solve this too, but that's a creative exercise left to the reader
- New EMVH32more35% of Microsoft’s workforce in Washington are from India. Sex based discrimination is rampant and legal in India. Microsoft does not retrain people in anti-discrimination when they move from India.
Why would you expect things to change with that kind of hiring practice going on?
- TuneIn PshushHow can you tell from this screenshot that person who messaged you is him ( not her)actually?