For people who think toxic masculinity doesn’t exist and male entitlement is purely a myth !

BlackRock Lary
Feb 27 130 Comments

I have been looking out jobs recently and today I received this text message ... this creep ( who’s not in my contacts) texts me saying he saw my profile on bumble ( that doesn’t have my phone number on it ) and came across my resume ( that has my number on it ). I have a unique name so not so difficult to figure out it’s the same person. Clearly he has misused professional information ...

what can I do ? What should I do ?
I’ve been actively looking for a job switch so have applied to multiple firms ... I’m in NYC so it’s not so easy to figure it out ...

Here’s how this is connected to “toxic” masculinity
1. Thinking that if he got a piece of information about a woman ( even if it’s from a professional platform ) he can use it to up his dating / getting laid game
2. Not accepting that after right swiping me on a dating app if he hasn’t yet received a match from me it could mean that I’m not interested in him
3. Thinking that all a woman is ( even is she is applying for a job ) nothing but an object of sexual amusement ... not a coworker !!!

For people who think toxic masculinity doesn’t exist and male entitlement is purely a myth !

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TOP 130 Comments
  • Google vcxP76
    What does it all have to do with masculinity?
    Feb 2721
    • Spotify KXAo87
      I also wouldn't categorize it that way, but I dont think we should minimize how incredibly shitty (and probably illegal!) it is
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      A basic lookup will tell you this !! If you know how to read !
      Feb 27
    • You are the one who needs to learn how to read, OP. As shitty as what you experienced, this does not actually describe that.
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Thinking that you have the right to invade a woman’s privacy when she has given you no access to it is a part of toxic masculinity... if you can’t understand a simple thing like this then clearly you’re part of the problem !!
      Feb 27
    • Google vcxP76
      Op, you put your name on a dating app, broadcasted it over the internets and now claim privacy!?
      Feb 27
    • Toxic masculinity refers to ultra masculine behaviors specific to males that harm themselves as well as others.

      What the guy did to you is wrong but is in no way gender specific. Women do it to men too and gay men and women do it to other men and women too.
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @vcxP76 - you have got to be kidding me !!
      Feb 27
    • New / Media
      psychx

      NewMedia

      BIO
      Former customer service/management turned stay at home mom turned newspaper employee.
      psychxmore
      @vcxP76. She put her name, but not her phone number on a dating app.

      She also sent out resumes.

      A (presumably) hiring manager saw her resume and recognized the name as someone he saw on a dating app.

      He then took the phone number off of her resume and used it to text her to try to hook up with her.

      SINCE WHEN IS IT OK TO GO THROUGH RESUMES TO FIND A SEXUAL PARTNER?

      It’s never been ok. That is literally the definition of abuse of power and sexual harassment.

      However, this is NOT the definition of toxic masculinity. I say this as a hardcore radical feminist who actively works to prevent my own son from getting wrapped up in toxic masculinity.

      This guy is definitely an entitled, predatory, super creep. And it IS indicative of the gender/sex based harassment that women experience on a daily basis. But it’s not toxic masculinity. It’s actually much worse than toxic masculinity.

      OP, you need to contact the company he works for and complain. This is a major issue and the company could get screwed over. In the era of #MeToo, a company with a hiring manager using resumes as a dating pool will likely be dragged through the mud online. It could affect stock prices, contracts, etc. The company needs to know. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling them, I would be willing to do it for you.
      Mar 3
    • Spotify KXAo87
      psychx is super smart and super right here imo
      Mar 3
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @psychx - I don’t know this Creep’s name or his firm ... I have been actively looking out for jobs for 2 months now and I’ve applied to 100s of jobs ... it’s not feasible to for me to find this on my own .. i did paid reverse lookups with 3 service providers and none found any records ... I’ve raise an online issue with the local police department
      Mar 3
  • Google / EngMr Glass
    This is not toxic masculinity you stupid idiot. This is just a creep - there are female creeps as well. Stop spreading falsehoods and bigotry. You should be ashamed
    Feb 275
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Please take up reading before you post comments like this !!!
      Feb 27
    • New IuVw08
      Try to be civil and courteous. The ad hominem “You stupid idiot” adds nothing to the discussion.
      Feb 27
    • Google vcxP76
      I beg to differ. It certainly adds color.
      Feb 27
    • New IuVw08
      It’s boorish and sophomoric.
      Feb 27
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      It's definitely entertaining
      Feb 27
  • New DNWELL
    I know a ton of ladies that I think would do similar things. How should we call that?
    Feb 278
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Bad upbringing and lack of professionalism and if they are in a position of power then harassment too
      Feb 27
    • Google vcxP76
      But no toxic femininity? How come?
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @vcxP76 - I bet you voted for Trump !
      Feb 27
    • Google vcxP76
      You are saying like there is something bad in that!
      Feb 27
    • I agree with DNWELL and I fucking hate trump.
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @vcxP76 - God bless you !
      Feb 27
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Are you a bigot @Lary?
      Feb 27
    • I think they're a troll
      Feb 27
  • Google Sgfru
    OP, don't let it get you down that a ton of these people seem to be missing the obvious fact that this kind of thing is massively more common with men than women. Yeah, apparently people still need a lot of dots connected for them to understand the term toxic masculinity.
    Feb 2810
    • More commonly done by men yes. What the guy did was creepy yes.

      This is still not what we would call toxic masculinity. It doesn't help the feminist cause when people keep being hysterical and illogical.
      Feb 28
    • Google Sgfru
      Excuse me? Who is being hysterical and illogical? We can disagree about the extent to which the example shows an entitlement to impose upon her in a private way uninvited, but that is a classic a-hole move to jump to calling a woman hysterical.
      Feb 28
    • The OP has been sounding pretty hysterical in this entire topic
      Feb 28
    • I would say the same thing regardless of whether the OP is male or female.
      Feb 28
    • Google Sgfru
      Really? When is the last time you used the term hysterical about a man? Honestly.
      Feb 28
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Another bigot spotted.
      Feb 28
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @sgfru - thanks .... glad to know some sensible people are here on this platform ... these two ( @mrglass and new guy ,whatever the fuck his username is ) bullies here have been raiding every comment here .... clearing the “toxic” masculinity phrase touch a “toxic” nerve ... lol
      Feb 28
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Feb 28
    • I don't recall the last time I've seen a man being hysterical to be honest.
      Feb 28
    • And OP, how have I been bullying? I agreed with you that what the guy did was wrong, and I agreed with you that toxic masculinity is a real problem, all I'm saying is what the guy did had nothing to do with toxic masculinity. In fact what he did was not masculine at all, he sounds like a wimp.
      Feb 28
  • New
    nfs

    New

    PRE
    Booking.com
    nfsmore
    You encountered an asshole, dont become one yourself by generalizing all men.
    Feb 283
    • Google Mmkaay
      Exactly. As if there is no toxic feminism.
      Feb 28
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Did I say I expedited this with every job I applied to that had a male recruiter ??? no ... so please stfu
      Feb 28
    • Google Mr. Glass
      OP you are spreading the message of hate. So YOU STFU.
      Mar 6
  • LinkedIn ex-fb
    Two weeks ago, a woman refused to take her handbag off in a crowded subway transit (lol at man spreading)
    https://pix11.com/2019/02/14/video-nj-transit-riders-outraged-over-womans-refusal-to-move-handbag/
    By the OPs “logic”, doesn’t this prove toxic feminism exists?
    Mar 11
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      People like OP spread nothing but hatred and bigotry between the sexes.
      Mar 1
  • Google drains
    Check your bumble. Since he says he sent you a request, you should know who he is (intersection between where you sent the resume and dudes you are matching on bumble). Contact the recruiter from that company if you are in touch else 911.
    Feb 278
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      I’ll have to right swipe on every guy and see who all match and then stalk them on social media to figure out who works where and then see which firms I applied to
      Feb 27
    • Google vcxP76
      911, seriously? Are you nuts?
      Feb 27
    • Google drains
      Well for 911. The guy has got the phone number and this could be potentially classified as harassment unless he comes out clean with the name and other details.
      Feb 27
    • Cruise Automation / Eng⛸️
      911 is not what you call for harassment...

      It's not even what you call for a restraining order, which could hypothetically be used for this.
      Feb 27
    • Google drains
      @blackrock: not sure how bumble works, but I assumed if someone already right swiped on you then they go into a separate list of already liked or something. That is what I was talking about.
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      You only get to see people you match with ( at least in the free version, I’m not a premium member ) and only women can initiate the chat ... and I don’t have my phone number on it
      Feb 27
    • Leanplum blings
      If you paid for premium, could you see the list of men who swiped right on you? It might be worth it!
      Feb 27
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Just did ... too many to go thru ... I guess I’ll just get a reverse background lookup on the phone number
      Feb 27
  • Apple FlightRisk
    I feel you are totally over reacting, the guy may like you and totally co-incidently come across your resume and out of excitement of this text you.

    None of his comments are offensive

    Every one has a perspective
    Feb 273
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      But the bigot chooses to see toxic masculinity here!
      Feb 27
    • Amazon gte305f
      Regardless of him being interested in her, she did not give HIM her number. She provided her number to a potential EMPLOYER. This is the misuse of confidential data provided to the company. Probably against company policies. Probably a firable offense.
      Feb 28
    • Google Mr. Glass
      Yes but it’s not toxic masculinity. There’s no such thing. This is an individual offender who must be punished. Stop using collectivist accusations.
      Mar 6
  • BlackRock Lary
    OP
    Mar 15
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Kids also are prepared by their parents to not get kidnapped. What's that now? Toxic adultism?
      Mar 2
    • LinkedIn ex-fb
      At least quote someone who can spell properly!
      For one, that doesn’t make men trash. And for another, women on men violence and false accusations are just as serious.
      Mar 2
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Here enjoy
      Mar 3
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      ^ bigot. Deserves to be locked up and shamed.
      Mar 4
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @Mr Glass - Not sure what’s lamer that comeback or your existence !
      Mar 4
  • T-Mobile WozniAK
    Apologies u had to face this asshole. Unfortunate part of our society.
    Feb 270
  • New IuVw08
    You should be able to find the identity of the person who owns this cell phone number. Among other things, you can call at night from an unknown number and listen to the voice mail. You can also just google the number - sometimes the owner will pop up. There are also apps you can put on your phone to identify ppl who call / text.

    I would encourage you to make sure you have a job somewhere before you alert his HR department, as he could retaliate against you. Focus on taking care of yourself first. You can weaponize this later. But, remember, the guy who sent that text could be on this platform. Watch your back
    Feb 274
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      I have a job ( I’m not sure is this creep is in my firm ) and I have a few offers too ...

      I want him to learn a lesson that he can’t go around misusing professional information for his dating pleasures
      Feb 27
    • He's not learning any lessons by you posting this. If you want him to learn you tell him what he's doing is wrong and why.
      Feb 27
    • New IuVw08
      With all due respect to you, while that is a gratifying idea, he could be someone who is incapable of learning lessons. People do what they can get away with. And if he is a high performing person in his company, they won’t do anything about it. I am not saying don’t pursue it; I am suggesting that you be realistic about the likelihood that you get justice vs. likelihood that you get an enemy in your industry. My experience is that big rain makers have no consequences. In banking, in tech, in real estate.
      Feb 27
    • Cruise Automation PYEX13
      That’s a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Anybody might be “someone incapable of learning lessons”. Does that mean no one should call them out on their BS? If no one calls out the BS, that will simply beget more of it.
      Feb 27
  • PayPal longlines
    Please don't feed this trolling post from OP.
    Mar 31
  • Airbnb Nxptngzfw
    Can you give me an exact concise definition of toxic masculinity?
    Also, where do you draw the line between toxic masculinity and just regular masculinity?
    Everyone has different answers to these 2 questions. The whole toxic masculinity thing is a myth
    Feb 271
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Those who talk about toxic masculinity are the real bigots.
      Feb 27
  • Toxic masculinity definitely exists, but this isn't it.
    Feb 271
    • Google vcxP76
      Nah, it doesn’t.
      Feb 27
  • Facebook gEKd54
    Encountering an asshole and using that to prove toxic masculinity as a whole is just confirmation bias.

    There are a lot of assholes out there, Male and Female, trying to force those labels on such encounters is extremely unhelpful and you will always encounter pushbacks
    Feb 280
  • Indeed cyhy46
    Stop talking to him, immediately. Any reaction from you whatsoever will be interpreted by him as positive reinforcement. Use your phones block functionality to block his number. Block him on bumble. If he contacts you in any other way, block that too.

    And then move on and live your life and don't give creeps like this asshat a second thought
    Mar 38
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      What about girls who get clingy and attached and creep guys wherever they go? No such collective outrage at them eh? Keep harping about toxic masculinity - selective bigotry much?
      Mar 3
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @cyhy46 - I don’t know who he is so I can’t block him on bumble or anywhere else ... blocked that number but then he texted me with another Voip
      Mar 3
    • Did you tell him to stop contacting you?
      Mar 3
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Yes you moron I did tell him to stop contacting me ! Now stfu with your Captain Obvious suggestions !
      Mar 4
    • Wtf. I'd say your stalker dodged a bullet.
      Mar 4
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Why don’t you dodge the bullet too and stop commenting here ! Trust me you won’t be missed ! goodbye now !
      Mar 4
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      Lary don't be a bigot
      Mar 4
    • Indeed cyhy46
      Sounds like at this point law enforcement should get involved

      And mr glass: i am incredibly sympathetic to that, as I have my own personal horror story, but a) collective outrage is worse than useless; and b) right now we're worrying about ops story
      Mar 12
  • New F*
    OP is tying to become popular here.
    Mar 45
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      And that’s why you’re commenting too ? Lol
      Mar 4
    • New F*
      That wasn't funny. I'm seriously serious.
      Mar 4
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Yes ... It wasn’t funny at all
      Mar 4
    • Flagged by the community.

    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      You can keep changing you user name but your misogynistic mind won’t change google guy !
      Mar 4
  • LinkedIn ex-fb
    Since the OP thinks men are trash, they shouldn’t be surprised by this behaviour.
    Well deserved!
    Mar 32
    • Google vcxP76
      The op is a single girl. Who are “they”?
      Mar 3
    • Google / EngMr Glass
      He's being extra respectful by not assuming their preferred gender expression. Otherwise, you know, he's going to be labeled a toxic male. That's what we've come to.
      Mar 4
  • Facebook gEKd54
    I dont think we should play the blame game. Research actually shows that men and women are equally aggressive, the difference being men use physical violence versus emotional violence for women (broad generalizations of course - men and women are more similar than different)

    What do you think about the tragically rising suicide rates by high school and college age women?
    These are caused by social bullying and shaming lead predominantly by females.

    Is this type of behavior less toxic or dangerous?
    Feb 280
  • Infoblox 2600
    This is truly awful. But I also don't understand how people relate this behaviour to masculinity.
    Feb 270
  • Nordstrom Nepotism
    You’re an idiot.
    Feb 280
  • New IuVw08
    What’s the basis for filing a police report? There is no crime here
    Feb 270
  • New / Ops
    tooQ10

    NewOps

    PRE
    Rakuten USA
    tooQ10more
    This person is being presumptuous, but I don't see the connection to any kind of masculinity. If you don't want this guy's messages, block them.
    Feb 270
  • Lyft swetool
    I don’t think you made the point you think you did. Reflect
    Mar 64
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      I don’t think you understood or even tried to ...
      Mar 6
    • Lyft swetool
      Your post implied to me you see yourself as a permanent victim. I think that mindset will enslave you and hence is worthy of serious reflection
      Mar 6
    • Flagged by the community.

    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      @swetool - when did I say I was a ‘permanent’ victim ??? I clearly stated an example from a recent instance in my life ... you don’t agree with what I say fine ... but don’t start making things up please
      Mar 6
  • First Data cm1810
    I've seen men and women use authority or connections in an attempt to gain leverage.
    I know shitty men exist. Its not a myth.
    I also know shitty women exist but that's somehow ok because girl power?
    While reaching out to you like this was unprofessional and honestly, yea, fucking creepy, this isn't toxic masculinity. This is a creeper doing creeper things. Could have just as easily been a female on the other end.
    What you should have just been a petty b-word (because curse words limit my ability to post), string him along for a name or company and then report him to his HR. Dude would've been walked out by now.
    But that's just me....
    Feb 282
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Where the fuck did I say shitty women are okay ? Most commenters here take calling out bad men as equal to hurting all men ... which is a part of the problem why even in 2019 women aren’t safe !!
      Feb 28
    • First Data cm1810
      It was more of a general statement than anything else. I'm not saying you're pro-shitty women.
      I'm also not saying you aren't special as an individual but you are really not that special as a human living in 2019, or any other year.
      You shut this guy down before anything could come from it. You weren't in danger. YOU actually kept yourself safe.
      My beef with this topic as a whole is that even though you, or any other woman that shares a story like this, may not specifically mean ALL men are shit, the argument of toxic masculinity becomes all encompassing.
      Our opinions may clearly differ but we do agree this dude crossed a line, is a creeper, and should die in fire.... and isnt that all that matters?
      Feb 28
  • Databricks Gjsmxs
    Creep? Absolutely
    Masculinity issues? Maybe
    Can you figure out who this is? Yes

    How?
    1) consult a lawyer, who will likely advise you to:
    2) file a police report
    3)
    a) get a PI involved
    b) request to subpoena Bumble/cell company for records as discovery in a lawsuit
    4) file said lawsuit and/or take other action against said person either formally or through back channels

    Will you follow through on that process? My money's on no, because in most such situations I've seen the complainant gives up.

    There are other far less formal ways to solve this too, but that's a creative exercise left to the reader
    Feb 271
    • Not worth the effort in this case when OP can easily block the number and the guy is not in OPs life. If he starts showing up though, then maybe.
      Feb 27
  • New F*
    OP looks frustrated.

    If she wants to give lessons to him. Just reply through message. And post successful story here.

    She doesn't need to directly contact HR or file complaint directly.
    Mar 30
  • New
    EMVH32

    New

    PRE
    Amazon
    EMVH32more
    35% of Microsoft’s workforce in Washington are from India. Sex based discrimination is rampant and legal in India. Microsoft does not retrain people in anti-discrimination when they move from India.

    Why would you expect things to change with that kind of hiring practice going on?
    Mar 121
    • Infoblox 2600
      Fuck people like you!
      Mar 15
  • New ♥🍌
    Yeha contact the company's hr
    Feb 272
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      I’ve applied to many firms in last 2 months ...
      Feb 27
    • New ♥🍌
      You could find who he is on bumble and find his company on LinkedIn
      Feb 27
  • New F*
    Did you contact that guy?
    Mar 41
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Clearly you didn’t read the post
      Mar 6
  • TuneIn Pshush
    How can you tell from this screenshot that person who messaged you is him ( not her)actually?
    Feb 271
    • BlackRock Lary
      OP
      Because inset my preference as heterosexual on bumble so anyone who sees me in their proposed matches are going to be male ! Its bot rocket science ...
      Feb 28
  • New MyLary
    Dear Lary..

    DM me, if you available on weekend.
    Mar 150

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