Have I lost my skills to have fun?

LinkedIn bemm78e
Jul 10 393 Comments

I worked like a horse for 15 years 50-60 hours a week. I told myself that once I have financial stability, I will have fun. Well, financial stability turns out to be just a pipe dream. Most working class people will never have it due to ever increasing number of "needs". But that's not the subject of this post. It is loosing the ability to have fun. At this point of time, I don't even know what I can do for fun. Recently, I have had a few low intensity weeks at work and ample free time but I have no idea how to have fun. 15 years ago I had so little money but I was always active. Friends, parties, workouts etc. What do people do nowadays to have fun? Does anyone feel the same way? Thoughts?
UPDATE: may be the real question is "do people who work hard for years lose their ability to have fun and enjoy life?" That makes evolutionary sense. Use it or loose it kind of deal.
Update:
Age: 40
Software Engineer
Married with 2 kids
No known health condition

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TOP 393 Comments
  • Facebook
    asdgjytre

    Facebook

    PRE
    Microsoft
    asdgjytremore
    Just get ready for these “blow and hookers” advices...
    Jul 10 14
    • Microsoft 1337r0x0r
      Why do people assume all hookers are female?
      Jul 11
    • Amazon / Other amzngy
      Isnt OP married ?
      Jul 11
    • Google godofproto
      @helloxyz because people are not dumb and are observant.
      Jul 12
    • Oracle / Eng helloxyz
      Who cares? I get more likes than you do 💕
      Jul 12
    • EPAM Systems / Data
      1️⃣

      EPAM Systems Data

      BIO
      ETL Dev
      1️⃣more
      @Apple lol'd a bit on your username
      Jul 16
  • Amazon Yonidestro
    Problem is not that you forgot to have fun. Problem is that as you get older, definition of fun becomes more specific to people. Find people with similar interests and dive deep into hobbies. I'd you are into friendships increase your network, if you are into workout, find a group workout class and make connections.
    Jul 10 14
    • Qualtrics I'm dun
      There's no study linking the two
      Jul 11
    • Facebook __space__
      Yeah all the studies that come up simply link quality of relationships in general not specifically citing family .
      Jul 12
    • Facebook __space__
      Also Amazon your link discusses how much family ties have perceived to have changed in the last 20 years not what they are, did you even read your own link
      Jul 12
    • Microsoft clBY20
      “Dive deep” into hobbies. Only an amazonian can speak like this!
      Jul 13
    • Amazon jhqYa
      ^topkek, true
      although LPs themselves are reasonable, people do tend to speak in them
      never heard the term "dive deep" so much before joining amazon
      Jul 13
  • New XY2000
    You have found yourself in a precarious situation. You woke up. Here is the best part, you’re going to realize that you spent so long working, you forgot you might fall off this earth and wanted to do some stuff before then...

    I can see everyone wants to pitch ideas at you. My thought going through the same, although ejected by a divorce, and not casually thinking what’s important. I know what it’s like. You want to find you, after you found out there is a you, and you don’t know what you likes?

    If you seriously want to find out what you like, just do what Forrest Gump did every time he hit an impasse. Instead of running, try walking. Start small, and build up. Walk places. Meet people. Just say hi for the heck of it. Become naturally curious. Walking actually helps. It gets your body moving safely unless you live in a dangerous neighborhood, and if in that case refer back to run, Forest, run...

    As your getting healthier, think about real healthy foods. I would personally avoid the brain drainers like alcohol and definitely avoid the drugs. I mean that’s like working on stupid. It gets you no where except temporarily happy, and many people live on that crap to emulate happiness, in its fleeting form.

    Why healthy foods? Same reason to get your body and mind cleared out. You will be getting air, fuel it with the best as well. You’re at the junction to be making some decisions, one or two might be life changing. Having an
    Ideal mind and positive attitude is monumental.

    And while you’re thinking about what your fun is, think back what was fun when you were a kid, a teen and a young adult. This is key because many of us did what others did for fun. Not necessarily what we thought was fun. It was something you do and parents often wanted us doing stuff. Did you really do stuff you thought fun then, that you woke up on your own to do, and you dreamed about it when asleep, and talked about it every chance you could. Many people in retrospect often did what others did. They played little league because their parents put them in it, or teen boys did things to get the girl’s attention. You find yourself doing more to fit in as time goes. Then you wake up and say to yourself, I want to do something that is mine.

    Here/ the rub, and warning. Some people get depressed when they hit this point in their life. Especially if they realized that they wasted their entire life, living other people’s lives. In actuality, there are stages of life, and you are hitting it. Instead of it owning you, find what’s calling you. That’s actually what is happening to you. Things happen for a reason, at a specific time, nearly fateful. Explore it. No one knows, including you. I can tell you the journey can have challenges, but answering the call is more important. There will be something on the other side. And when you get it, share it. Help others find their calling. Their happiness, joy and fun. It’s worth doing. Go find you, and good exploring and trails!
    Jul 11 7
    • Splunk NwFr42
      This reads like "mid-life crisis". And essentially the cause of it. Since I'm still not there, I think this sounds like something to think about as I continue to get older to avoid hitting this state at all (I'm 31).

      That said, I think one of the best things for my mental state that has really helped is that I found an awesome group of friends that are very like minded and we get together once a week for game night (usually D&D, but we do board games and other such, gloomhaven anyone?) And the playing games part isn't even really the point it's just a chance to hang out and shoot the shit and just chill.

      But I think the best advice you have here is be yourself. Which can be hard for people who have never found themselves and instead just emulated everyone around them. Until you find yourself, finding "fun" is definitely going to be hard.
      Jul 11
    • Agilent Technologies Jebb Fezos
      Textbook definition of midlife crisis.
      Jul 11
    • New XY2000
      This midlife crisis is when you hit this point and you go on a bender, buy a high-dollar sports car, at least fancy convertible and chase 20 year old chicks, as cliche as that is. It’s not sustainable or healthy, hence the crisis, often ends with depression.

      It’s actually a stage of life. If you follow spirituality, you will see the ancients talking about it. And without pigeon holing any definition, it’s just a time to become you. Most men are groomed to be the man, get a career, take care of family, and watch the years fly by. And they only fly faster each year. Some guys don’t need much. Others had some dreams, that don’t fit the model of finding yourself, when there is all this pressure to get your life in order and provide resources for your family, house, cars, and stuff. This makes the missus happy, but for most men they want to have some good times as well, whatever that becomes. And you can put a band aid on it and turn it into a crisis if you don’t want to answer that, or you follow it, and I have seen men change their whole lives over this stuff. One guy I know found God, and became a minister. He was making big bucks in his own IT biz. Now money is not important, but oddly the universe opened up because now he making money and doing something that his soul agrees with. He’s always smiling and just in a great mood, even when things are not so good. And I have more examples.

      If you want to get down and dirty, the universe has plans for your life force. You can neglect it at your own peril, or follow the path. It just requires a release, like the long walks, and things will pop up in your mind. It’s weird, but it does work. And it’s not Hollywood, so it’s not like riding off into the sunset after you find it. It just becomes a new part of either your existing life or a whole new life. Things will make sense when you get there, what needs to happen, then...
      Jul 12
    • New XY2000
      Speaking of a good long walk, if you are looking for miracles, consider a month-long hike on the Camino de Santiago. The athletes that hit it only talk about the hike. The others, like you, find stuff out there. There is a good movie that was made in 2010 called, The Way, with Martin Sheen. That would make a good preview. They do an excellent job talking up the pilgrimage.
      Jul 12
    • Microsoft 🐰bunyqueen
      ^great post. 🙏🏼
      Jul 12
  • Oracle not_larry
    Enjoy the journey. The destination is death.
    Jul 10 1
    • Expedia / Eng vacations
      Sad but so incredibly true
      Jul 11
  • New / Eng
    Microsoft.

    New Eng

    PRE
    IBM
    Microsoft.more
    Travel somewhere solo is definitely recommended it helps a lot to find areas buried in your mind which you consider to be fun and interests that you are not even aware of them yourself but just remember that when you travel let loose and do things as they come to you. You will find yourself again and you'll realize that the serious life doesn't go so far.
    Jul 10 3
    • LinkedIn bemm78e
      OP
      That sounds tempting!
      Jul 10
    • Expedia / Eng vacations
      This! Go on vacation! Dont forget to use Expedia!
      Jul 11
    • Google / Mgmt
      Ex Amazon

      Google Mgmt

      PRE
      Amazon
      Ex Amazonmore
      Nice plug Expedia
      Jul 11
  • Amazon / Eng NoFIdea
    For me, planning a trip every ~6 months to somewhere far in the world. You still need the right partner though.
    Jul 10 1
    • Facebook / Eng
      onlysmellz

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Facebook, Google, Snapchat
      onlysmellzmore
      +1 on "you need the right partner"
      Jul 12
  • Intel 10nm
    Jul 11 0
  • New / Design
    brumder

    New Design

    BIO
    3D artist...I do...um....art.
    brumdermore
    Part of it is, you lost your social circle, in a sense. Work has become a part of your identity. When you rest, you think of work. When you go out, you go out with coworkers and talk about work. When you remove work from your life...you remove part of you identity. You feel empty. You try to have fun...but all you can do is think of work. It's not you lost the ability to have fun. It's that work is so much part of your identity that... it's part of what you call fun. Try learning a new skill or a very demanding activity. I'm saying like, learn a musical instrument, knitting, computer coding or a difficult skill like that. Or go rock climbing, hiking or something like that.
    Jul 11 1
  • Actiance NAuS30
    Hey man I felt this way a few years ago, and the depression it caused was crushing. Nothing felt like it worked... guitar, gaming, jogging, gym. Out of nowhere came mountain biking. A few blissful years later and I don't know how I got along without it.

    First of all you have to focus on the trail to do it, secondly you progress in stamina and skill with nearly every ride.
    lastly you can unexpectedly connect with people without trying when you'd like or stay secluded when you need time to yourself.
    Jul 11 6
    • SAP ezpz19
      Looks like some place near to Innsbruck, Austria
      Jul 12
    • New vrkB54
      You can find it on YouTube, its dangerous tho
      Jul 12
    • Verizon Media sxSG85
      That’s a sick picture!!
      Jul 12
    • Actiance NAuS30
      It's called mega Avalanche, French Alpes
      Jul 12
    • Actiance NAuS30
      It's called mega Avalanche, French Alpes
      Jul 12
  • Amazon mandela‘d
    Tip 1: don’t get married
    Tip 2: don’t have kids
    Tip 3: live like a fucking king
    Jul 11 6
    • LinkedIn bemm78e
      OP
      Or found the truth in hard way?
      Jul 11
    • Cisco meoww
      So pretty much be alone forever and never have a family.... sad
      Jul 11
    • Amazon Superman’
      This is opposite of what op wanted
      Jul 12
    • Amazon CCtx15
      This only works if you’re attractive otherwise you’ll just be alone. And it’s pretty rare to be attractive until you die.
      Jul 12
    • Google ok ?
      success looks different for everyone. maybe for some, being “fun” means getting married and having kids 🥴
      Jul 12
  • Axon axon
    Drugs. Some (not all) are bad/addictive/harmful, so do your homework first.
    Jul 10 5
    • Amazon / Eng
      weeeeeeee

      Amazon Eng

      BIO
      AWS
      weeeeeeeemore
      Isn’t it sort of a sad state of affairs when you need to use drugs to have fun?
      Jul 11
    • LinkedIn
      tendies

      LinkedIn

      BIO
      sex work, quantum computing, and crypto HFT
      tendiesmore
      The vast majority of people that are not having sex in the world cope by using legalized drugs. Zoloft, prozac, paxil, Lexapro, modafinil, Adderall, Ritalin, Wellbutrin, risperidone, etc
      Jul 11
    • Axon axon
      Amazon, why? Dopamine is also a drug - you just need to rub yourself to release it. Your brain runs on chemicals. Read about them.
      Jul 11
    • Oracle / Eng helloxyz
      This is the most vicious comment here
      Jul 11
    • Amazon ijustcant
      I’m not really sure why behavioral/mental health drugs would be correlated to not having sex. Brain chemistry is brain chemistry.
      Jul 11
  • New / Mktg OxPw81
    So, I’m not in exactly the same boat for sure. I’m a youngin’. My boyfriend is too, but he has a very labor intensive job (field engineer) in the construction industry and his life is as you describe yours. Moving in, I noticed this was a terrible lifestyle and as much as I tried not being affected by it, I became like him. Wanting to stay home, be financially stable, etc. And, it’s terrible lol. Anyways, I started getting out of it, and I realized, it’s really not even the money part, it’s just changing your mindset. I noticed that living with him has changed my mindset from “go out, live your best life” to “you could spend your time doing something else”. It really isn’t “that much time” or money when you go out to do things. What I think is most important is finding the right people to spend it with, even if you abstain from spending as much as others. You don’t need to do “something new and different” to feel fulfilled, you just need to change your mindset to enjoy anything that comes your way.

    TLDR; I think as you get older and focus on money making, you start thinking how “expensive” your time is and calculate how “valuable” it would be for you to spend your time doing this or that. But in reality, this thinking makes you feel stressed. Instead of enjoying anything you’re doing, you’re too focused on if it was “worth it”.

    It’ll be hard, but you’ll just have to start trying to let yourself go and do things, especially during weekdays when you think you don’t “have time” after work. Random things even. Until you start realizing the joy in the little things.
    Jul 11 0
  • Glassdoor
    jxQd60

    Glassdoor

    PRE
    Glassdoor
    jxQd60more
    Looks like the thing you're missing is hobbies. I don't believe it's ever too late to start with some. The only issue i believe is being open experimentation. Try a few things, see if they resonate with you. It's ok if they don't, but don't stop trying.
    As an example, I started motorcycling a few years back. Fell a few times, couple of them could've really hurt me bad, but never gave up because it was a childhood dream. Currently I'm trying to learn swimming... Second time.

    There are some good options in the thread... Might be a good place to start! I'll also add some -
    * Brewing
    * Cooking
    * Volunteering
    * Improv
    * Cycling
    * Track days on your car
    * Hiking

    Good luck!
    Jul 11 3
    • LinkedIn bemm78e
      OP
      Very impressive! Thank you!
      Jul 11
    • Microsoft JasperKid
      For me it's gardening. It is soul satisfying. Whatever you do tends to bear fruit. It is slow and outdoor.. And there's a lot of physical hardwork involved
      Jul 11
    • Oracle LAoh31
      Many also go into boating/sailing or flying. Maybe get a 25ft camper/RV and work from home on friday. Pick up the kids from school and head to the mountains for the weekend.
      Jul 12
  • How old are you? “Fun” is how you define it, not what you see other people doing, especially on social media.

    There are key points in life where it’s easy to make lasting friendships. As time goes on, those opportunities dwindle as people lives take their course. Having kids, getting married, friends moving away, etc.

    Not to mention as you age, your peer group changes. So the things you once did are no longer appealing to many and chances are you won’t fit in with people that are doing things you once considered fun.

    My solution has been to push my comfort zone, learn totally unrelated skills, or pickup on those things you’ve neglected and once enjoyed.

    The way you’re phrasing the question, You’re looking for an excuse to justify the way you feel instead of finding what makes you happy. Life and feelings aren’t boolean, it’s analogue. Embrace it.
    Jul 11 3
    • LinkedIn bemm78e
      OP
      Thanks for your answer. I am 40. Actually I updated the question with some info. I should have done before.
      Jul 11
    • Yes, the update was useless. Stop comparing your life to that of what you perceive of others. Live your life as you define it. Just browse the posts on this platform, we have posts from guys saying they can’t take a leak next to other men in the bathroom.

      I wonder what facade they try to upkeep publicly when they can’t take a leak in a public restroom.

      I hope you find what you need, fun and enjoying life is not a use it or lose it situation. It’s existence. If you’re unhappy, take account of things you enjoy.

      But to indulge your point and possibly clarify, by use it or lose it, I think you mean that you forgot how to let yourself discover new things due to a self imposed tunnel vision.

      BTW this therapy session will cost half your TC.
      Jul 11
    • Workday zmjy72
      All good points, but I especially like the one about social media.

      It's been proven that social media - especially Facebook - can cause or aggravate depression. Avoid Facebook like the plague, and reduce "screen time" overall in your spare time. Find interesting hobbies or activities, or restart ones you liked when you were younger.
      Jul 12
  • Amazon dotard
    Sports, travel, sex
    Jul 10 2
    • Deloitte WMLP46
      + food
      Jul 11
    • Comcast dontdie
      All three, at the same time
      Jul 11
  • Cruise Automation xqTJ65
    Try cocaine. I heard it's pretty good.
    Jul 11 1
    • Darkstore laqwah
      Dude at work in mid 30s seems to love it
      Jul 11
  • Splunk / Other havoc
    50-60 hours a week. How adorable. Ever been in the military?
    Jul 11 2
    • Lockheed Martin / Finance VsmA80
      Lol military folk typically work 40-60. Even as a E6 did I rarely touch anything more than 60.

      Source: vet, served for 8 years.
      Jul 11
    • New BrNL58
      Alright hardo...
      Jul 11
  • Wipro VendettaV
    Read some scifi novels not pdf but buy actual book. Read it at night in bed with tea or coffee.
    Jul 11 3
    • Amazon clouddz
      You call that fun? No where in the initial post was books included ... Parties, workout are the complete opposite lol.
      Jul 11
    • Google 16550
      Reading can be fun. Some writers are insane and brilliant and write crazy stuff. Reading manga is fun too.
      Jul 11
    • Amazon ijustcant
      Seattle has silent reading parties, so why not both?
      Jul 11
  • Seagate toti420
    It’s called aging. You have “fun” when you’re young. As you age, you care about deeper things. As you age more, you complain about taxes and become a cantankerous republican.
    Jul 11 0
  • New s-works
    Is also the aging process brother. I feel in a similar way many times. You get a little more tired and a little less enthusiastic every day.
    Jul 11 11
    • New s-works
      Thanks for the tip mate. I’ll get a kindle version tonight
      Jul 11
    • Amazon / Eng bLif00
      Both of those books are filled with inaccuracies
      Jul 11
    • LinkedIn bemm78e
      OP
      Can you name a book that is 100% accurate?
      Jul 11
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      How do you judge the accuracy when you are studying the evolution of human over millions of years lol
      Jul 11
    • New s-works
      examples? @blif00
      Jul 12