How do you cope with this and keep working? I've been told it will pass, but I've been like this all my professional live. Depressed, anxious and with panic attacks. I can't really work good. Probably I'm not a top worker because of this, but I have almost 6yoe and still at SE 1 (lvl 60 @MS) it's hard to fight for promotions when I'm not executing flawlessly. When I talk about career the manager will say 1 or 2 bad things and hours later I remember why that happened. But at the moment I get paralyzed, because of course I'm the first person to doubt/attack myself. How do you go about it, work your career, get shit done, when you feel like you deserve nothing and can't stop thinking how you'd rather be dead (don't worry, I won't kill myself, really) I'm sure I'm not the only snowflake, how have you other snowflakes managed to succeed? Don't bother with the "get out, leave your place to somebody that deserves it" crap, I hear that from myself everyday. Or do it, I just tried to save you a few seconds.
Tc or gtfo.
I think what depresses me the most is low TC so I just leetcode and look for another job tbh. Otherwise, weightlifting helps keep me grounded, and walking my dog.
I'm underleveled, but not underpaid for this reason. I've been through more tech giants than I'd like to admit. There's a limit to this, though I have interviews with G in a few weeks, but I'd really like to just stop jumping ships
Have small, really small goals, and go for it. Such as taking a shower every single day. Or being in silence, no books or gadgets, for 15 minutes every day. These will help break the vicious circle of depression
Hi Kedabra. Sorry to hear about your depression! I’m sure this sounds cliché but have you tried therapy and medication? For example, I have suffered from serious anxiety and panic attacks for my entire adult life. I HAD tried therapy and medication in the past but it didn’t *really* help. Then...I signed up for and used an app called TalkSpace where a therapist can help you 24/7 on demand plus video chats. Yeah it was somewhat expensive but DAMN it was helpful over a three-month period. Had a great therapist and we really unpacked the root causes of my anxiety. Aaaand, I spoke with a Doctor who prescribed a new type of anxiety medication. I’m 4 weeks into the meds and I feel the best I’ve felt in years. Of course, I still get anxious and have to deal with the usual work and family BS but I haven’t had the crippling anxiety and panic in well over a month. Lastly, please know that work doesn’t define you. Try to enjoy other things / hobbies and get fresh air and sunlight. Wishing you the best.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. Yes I have been on meds for 2 yrs and therapy for 4. I'll check out talkspace. I appreciate it!! What med is it?
Dude, fuck meds!! This country is crazy about a pill for everything 🤯 I used betterhelp... Similar to talk space. Super helpful. Next, changed my diet (plant based OMAD) & exercise. Force inspiration & motivation on yourself. Don't let your mind dominate. You own your mind.
This is very relatable OP. What medications have you tried?
Sertraline and bupropion. Sertraline helps great with the panic attacks but makes depression worse. I'm currently on 100mg as 150 makes it bad enough to be suicidal. Anyway, I'm very grateful for it still as my panic attacks were like 20x daily when I worked at Amazon. AWS insanely bright people and insanely competitive culture did not mix well with my anxiety
Now it's more like 3x per week
Seattle weather adds to depression. Try to get job at non fang company, that will boost you a lot to see how much ahead of global dev curve u already are. Life is not abt TC
Have you considered going to a company with lower pressure to perform? I am a snowflake as well and starting my career at a lower tier company gave me confidence. Team sports helps as well. Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I think the meditation app Headspace is pretty good.
Will check it out, thanks. Yes I've been at non fang companies too (I'll avoid naming as it will get me closer to doxing) I immediately started stressing out about how I should start getting promotions as honestly my peers where.... good people but not very bright. I guess I'll always find something to worry about
We all have been there at some point. We live in a world where we are being judged constantly. The field we are in is really competitive where everyone of us are looking to grow and get promoted constantly, this creates a competition loop where promotions are sometimes tough to get. My suggestion is to not let others judgement towards you overtake your own conscience. If you want progression, look at lateral progression than just vertical progression. Trust me, experience in multiple spheres of organization will help in long run. As others have mentioned, find your success in avenues other than just work. Hope it helps!
It's about getting better than you were yesterday. Can you ensure you will never allow those issues that were told to you (be grateful about that, btw) show up? If not fully, can you at least make some progress on it? It's going to be a slow haul and you'll have to setup systems to ensure you're achieving them. Whether it be "I'll spend 1hour reviewing existing code" or "I'll go to the gym no matter what". Also, this may be a signal to switch jobs. Just bite the bullet.
1) see a psychiatrist 2) take full advantage of EAP 3) extreme self care. For me this means lots of outdoor activities and spending time with dogs
Done all 3. Thanks for replying
What does EAP offer? I do 1 and take meds and see a shrink. I spend time with my dogs and do lots of activities outside. I’m an import and I’m still struggling. I think culture wise it’s hard and the constant fear of loosing your job.