Health

How do you take care of aging parents back in India?

VMware HygO44
Dec 30, 2018

Wonder if anyone can provide advice on how best to take care of aging parents.
Tell me what has worked best for you if you had a similar situation.

Here are my constraints:
Parents don’t want to travel to US
Wife and children don’t want to relocate to India since my children are teens
Parents live in a big city (Bangalore) with relatives and siblings of mine in different corners of the city

comments

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  • New Indians
    Dude!

    Money is virtual. You are not born to earn and die.
    What you have earned until now is not even 10% of population holds. Reduce your expectations.

    Your parents helped you to reach to your today's state. They didn't put you in hostel when you needed parenting.
    Give them back!

    Don't fall for money and Western culture.
    US infra developed for US culture.

    It's not same case here in India.

    Rethink.
    Dec 30, 20183
    • Amazon 123raj
      This 👆🏼
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Exactly
      Jan 1
    • Amazon Agnel
      Yep, I’m moving back too. Took me years to realize this but luckily I don’t have kids in US yet.
      Jan 8
  • Gigamon / Eng
    changemeno

    GigamonEng

    BIO
    what's th is
    changemenomore
    Convince your wife and kids to move back. Take care of your parents in their old age. Your kids are watching you. They treat you same in your old age as you treat your parents now.. Give them our culture. Lead by example. You can move back to US in future if needed. You will get everything in life except parents..
    Dec 31, 20183
    • Amazon 123raj
      This 👆🏼
      Dec 31, 2018
    • ION Group
      CuriousBoy

      ION Group

      BIO
      I love to learn new skills ! #Beatboxing #Juggling#BBoying
      CuriousBoymore
      This🖕
      Dec 31, 2018
    • New Indians
      CuriousBoy, just see if you want change your finger middle to index.

      Let's not wet it everywhere.
      Dec 31, 2018
  • Amazon redblobs
    How old are your parents? If they can take care of themselves, build them a good and continuous source of income so that they don't have to ask you for money or help. Encourage them to splurge, spend the money as they see fit and not save it. Visit them yearly if not every six months.
    Dec 30, 20188
    • Shopify / Eng38d
      How did you build them a source of income?
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Amazon redblobs
      Built them a house for rental income. FD in their name for enough amount - interest from it is yet another source. The money from both is theirs and goes directly to their bank account.
      Dec 30, 2018
    • VMware HygO44
      OP
      Income isn’t a problem and they never felt insecure on the financial side given I remit money on a monthly basis, but it’s the feeling of being left alone with all my siblings in different places is what’s bothering them. My concern is that they will need help on a daily basis but haven’t been able to find someone trust worthy
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      You're right - they need someone trust worthy. That trust worthy person is you. Move back.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Applied Material VtKJ67
      how would encouraging them to splurge and spend freely help their situation? Wouldn't it be better to encourage them to spend responsibility while allotting some room for what they like?
      Dec 31, 2018
    • New / ProjectWmwF56
      Build a community of all other parents with kids in the USA, move them to a single apartment building with 16 houses, hire caretakers (read jobless relative) to take care of them for a good amount and free accommodation!
      Jan 2
    • Amazon redblobs
      @VtKJ67 let them splurge; let them have it their way. In my case, when I reflected upon it, I realized that my parents invested all their monies in me and my siblings. When it comes to money, they haven't had a free hand in a long time. Now that I can afford it, I want them to spend money without worrying about anything. As always, your circumstance might be different and YMMV.
      Jan 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      @redblobs- if you think they care about only money then you're delusional mate.
      Jan 2
  • Folks suggesting retirement homes, your parents didn’t deserve you in the first place.
    Dec 31, 20184
    • Amazon 123raj
      You mean folks didnt deserve those parents in the frst place?
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Applied Material VtKJ67
      Retirement homes are an option but it obviously requires building and maintaining a strong relationship. Not sure why people are taking this option so personally.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Cause it's f**ing insulting. Looks like u got no idea of indian culture.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Microsoft odian
      Haha. What is Indian culture?
      Dec 31, 2018
  • AMD / EngLEtV72
    Consider retirement homes in Bangalore outskirts. It takes some time to convince parents but they will thank you later.
    Dec 30, 20183
    • Microsoft / EngSqlInject”
      Wtf
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Wtf
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Microsoft odian
      Listen to this guy. He is sadly right
      Dec 31, 2018
  • How is your wife taking care of her parents ?
    Dec 31, 20182
    • VMware / Engandor
      Probably her parents are not so old .. yet. they will fly back to India once her parents reach that stage.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Lol, that's a very specific assumption unless you know OP
      Jan 1
  • Target / EngtmDe33
    Unbelievable responses. Your parents are asking you to prioritize their selfish desires over the well-being of your wife and children. They are your family, your parents are not. Say no. At least until your kids move out and you can give your wife the divorce she'll want.

    Shockingly, I am not indian.
    Dec 31, 20184
    • Microsoft jrntr
      parents are part of family too.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Target / EngtmDe33
      No. Your spouse and children should always be your top priority.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Mesosphere Onesie
      Hmm, it’s a bit hard to comprehend this if you are not an Indian. Usually, Indian parents sacrificed a lot to get their kids to this stage. You can say that it’s a bit unfair for them to now expect something from you in return. But if you had been there, you would have understood as to why they have this expectation. I am an Indian and I think it’s fair for them to think so.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Tmde33 u have no idea
      Dec 31, 2018
  • Amazon grimy
    Why not go back?or work from
    Singapore
    Dec 30, 20181
    • Amazon 123raj
      Cause he selfish.
      Dec 31, 2018
  • Apple / Other2019👍
    Retirement homes are an excellent choice

    My father moved to one after my mother passed away, he likes it.

    So many activities and a big social circle with people of their age.
    Dec 30, 20183
    • And you live here in US with wife and kids 🤦‍♂️
      Dec 31, 2018
    • AMD / EngLEtV72
      Agreed on the retirement homes. They have come a long way, and some are top notch with on sight nurse and doctor 24/7. And the ability to spend time with people their age group but coming from different backgrounds is a different experience.
      Dec 31, 2018
    • Apple / Other2019👍
      turrrrr - Yes, and both me and my father arr happy about it
      Dec 31, 2018
  • Zscaler Koisjshe
    Change is inevitable. Just go back to India
    Dec 31, 20181
    • Amazon 123raj
      But muh dollars mate!
      Dec 31, 2018
  • Amazon 123raj
    By moving back to India.
    Dec 30, 20180
  • Palo Alto Networks c7
    There is no substitute for your presence when they need you. If your employer is cool try and work remotely from India for 2-3 months a year for a start.
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Wipro
    JohnnyCa$h

    Wipro

    PRE
    Apple
    BIO
    Citizen and democrat
    JohnnyCa$hmore
    In-laws hate each other especially women in US.
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Oracle / EngNUkX62
    Isn’t retirement home just another old age home? Why are you guys even suggesting that option?
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Oracle aladdins
    It’s a very hard situation. Also wives don’t want husbands to spend money on his parents. It really hurts.
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Oath / Engbadassmfer
    Tell them to take anti aging pills/creams /hgh etc and exercise.
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Microsoft / EngSenoritaWE
    Your kids can take care of themselves once in college - they should be on their own.
    Dec 31, 20180
  • Shopify / Eng38d
    Unfortunately retirement home is probably the way to go :/ they have long waiting lists - best to try and put yourself on it as soon as you make the decision
    Dec 30, 20180
  • Apple Flipcoin
    .
    Dec 30, 20180
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Tophatter mthrhen
    My husband is Indian, and came to the US because he had no desire to live or work in India. While I would love for his parents to move to the US and live with us (or nearby), they have made it clear that it won’t be an option. If it comes down to it, my husband will have to move back to India to take care of his parents (my parents are in the US) and we would live across continents as needed. It’s important to have these conversations ahead of time with your spouse and parents so you can have a plan in place. I emigrated to the US as a teenager and the upheaval was unpleasant. I would not do that to my children. Better to live apart for a few years than to suffer in a third world country where I won’t be able to work.

    I would recommend you talk to your wife, OP. Figure out an interim plan that would make everyone feel included. You may bear the brunt of the physical and emotional strain, but you knew this day was coming when you came to the US.
    Jan 20
  • Microsoft blind1186
    I am also trying to figure this out. Not sure what to do.
    Dec 30, 20180
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Apple magikarp16
      It’s not the US.
      Dec 30, 2018
    • eBay / Eng
      seat

      eBayEng

      BIO
      Why did you click on me 😡
      seatmore
      Guns know no boundaries
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      jXrD23

      AmazonEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      jXrD23more
      Flagged. What’s wrong with people here. Jeez
      Dec 30, 2018
  • New / ProjectWmwF56
    Build a community of all other parents with kids in the USA, move them to a single apartment building with 16 houses, hire caretakers (read jobless relative) to take care of them for a good amount and free accommodation!
    Jan 21
    • Apple / Other2019👍
      What you have described is a goood retirement home, there are many in India

      Need to stop the social stigma
      Jan 2
  • Intel ""(^_^)""
    Don't you have a sibling back home?
    Dec 31, 20180

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