How to be assertive and keep a calm demeanor?

Expedia vUKdr16
Jul 10 11 Comments

How to be assertive and get things done while having a straight face when someone you work with is purely incompetent, or not delivering what was committed to, or is being real hard to work with?

I have a high pitch voice. So sometimes my voice may come across as agitated or possibly rude. I'm not sure - would like to know how other women handle people with a calm attitude and still hope to get things done and not be perceived as emotional

TC: 150
YOE: 5


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TOP 11 Comments
  • Amazon CCtx15
    Better to be logical than emotional. Be understanding dude not everyone can be as smart as you
    Jul 10 3
    • Tesla Nik0la
      She’s not a dude.
      Jul 10
    • Intuit kgbF56
      Everyone is a dude
      Jul 10
    • Facebook Gdd
      You filthy animals
      Jul 10
  • Oracle not_larry
    Let your manager deal with the incompetence. You deal with your work.
    Jul 10 0
  • / Eng QTFP86
    Few simple tricks can save you, figure out what is the separation of job responsibilities.... the chain of delegation. If you are not in line to scream or get things done, you are just wasting your valuable time and patience for nothing. If you are in line of command chain then first thing first, take a long breath every time someone pisses you. Separate emotions and filter it out from all means of communications, it got no place in job places, you can argue on that some other time. Remember, no one slack the work for no reason, figure out if it is just your perception or there is a need to bridge in the gap. Always try to give a benefit of doubt to others assuming you misunderstood, at least start at such position by re-calibrating your expectations. It will help you to get to the bottom of things without impaired judgement.
    Jul 10 0
  • eBay / Product blitzer
    1- If you are blocked because the person is not delivering, show how it’s impacting the larger team or company
    2- build relationships, go to lunch and find out their side of the story.
    No amount of assertiveness or chain of command will get employees motivated to do their jobs.
    Jul 11 1
    • Amazon ijustcant
      While at lunch, find a non-work reason to respect them deeply. Much harder to get ornery with someone you have underlying respect for.
      Jul 11
  • Google / Consultant hyperbunny
    - Work out what is in your control and focus on that rather than stuff that isn't.
    - Try to understand if there may be reasons why the person isn't working well.
    - Practice your influencing and negotiation skills. It's a useful skill at every level.
    - if none of that works recognize not everyone has the same work ethic and work out how to get stuff done without depending on them.
    Jul 11 0
  • Intel .tc
    Lol cray cray
    Aug 10 0
  • Stitch Fix / Product kDcT62
    First, acknowledge that the person frustrating you is a human, and likely doing their best. second, recognize where you’re at emotionally - if you start a conversation super frustrated, it’s going to cause you to lose your cool. Talk to the person when you are level-headed, and if you can’t get to that state before your meeting reschedule it. For me, when this comes up consistently I ask the person to go on a walk, and I lean into my feedback on where they need to improve (e.g. you’re committing to timelines, and you aren’t delivering on those commitments). If the person still doesn’t change, try changing your tactic - if you always talk in real life, try writing it down instead and outlining next steps in written communication. If that still fails, it’s time to loop in their manager, and ask for support.

    Also just an acknowledgement that I struggle with this, too, and you are not alone.
    Jul 16 0


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