If I start drinking, I don’t stop. I don’t drink every day of the week. Perhaps, once in 3 weeks. But when I do, I just don’t stop. I always drive back when I am drunk. I know that is terrible and irresponsible, but I still do it. That’s why I think I have a problem. After I get drunk, I try and chat up random women. With no sight on any outcomes, but I go looking for women to talk to randomly. I am married. Happily, at that. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel miserable the next day. What should I do? Should I see a psychiatrist?
- If you really do go see a therapist, I'm really happy for you. Believe me I know how hard it is. But once you start you'll be on your awesome path.
And don't buy this once per week shit. At the start go as much as you can, even 5 days in a row. It's impossible to get going in a single hour
- Noted- I don’t mind seeing a therapist at all! I know some people have problems accepting the fact that they need to see a therapist. I take it that so much of our demons are deep rooted and invisible, that only therapy can help. I am surely going to go - but I also want to own the change and restrict my triggers. Drinking more than 2 drinks being one of them.
- Morgan Stanley ninja007Drunk driving is inexcusable. Please stop. Just stop.
Problem with drinking in moderation is alcoholism. It’s not just the frequency. So also seek help there - it’s not a bad thing to ask for help. Build a routine - 1 drink, 1 seltzer - paces you through the night.
As for chatting up random women - as long as you’re not cheating on your wife, it’s kinda harmless. Do it with a friend/wingman - it’s more fun and will keep you in check and stop you from crossing your limits.
- Take your wife with you. Ask her to spank your butt each time you flirt with random women and also be your driver. Hopefully she doesn’t have the same problems as you do !!
- Talend UnchippedSo, you have a serious problem and you aren't willing to bring in the closest person in your life to help fix it - but you trust random anonymous strangers like us to give you the right advice?
Get her involved. You'll have more success and fewer relapses with her involved from the beginning. She already knows there is a problem. Don't shut her out of the solution.
You owe her that
- Microsoft / EngUh watmoreSorry for being blunt, but you shouldn’t drink if you can help it. If you can’t help it, then yes, consider counseling. It’s especially concerning that you must drive when drinking. That’s incredibly dangerous and could take the lives away from multiple people. Not worth it. Agree with trying AA. Might be a good option for you.
- I am a bit hesitant with trying AA because I think I am not an alcoholic. I know that’s what every alcoholic would say, but I don’t have the urge to drink everyday. AA is very depressing too, right? Not judging anyone- just saying that probably I am not that into the abyss of my life.
- Try going to a few different AA meetings. See what you think of them and if you hear anything that makes sense.
- Apart from driving drunk, this all seems ok and normal. It’s natural to be attracted to other people.
- ^ Thanks, Autodesk. Appreciate you trying to keep this conversation clean. :)
@IamAWalrus - I prefer lyft. But, I see your point. However, you don’t see mine. I am saying I have a problem doing the right thing when I am drunk. I know what is the right thing to do. Driving drunk is NOT acceptable. I am working towards fixing that problem.
- Apple NoName!!Drink as much as you want just don’t drive. Take a Uber . Be a problem for yourself , don’t be a problem to the society .
- Microsoft 0xdeadbeetMy neighbor was crossing the street with her in laws and week old son. Whole family Got hit by a drunk driver. In laws both dead. Baby disabled. Mom disabled.
Get a handle on your shit. You don’t want to be responsible for something like that.
- Agree with all of you above. The driving back drunk is something I just don’t know why I do it. Yesterday was the latest. I drove into opp way in a one way lane- Thankfully the traffic wasn’t too heavy and I was able to quickly maneuver my way back. I don’t know who should I seek help from!
- One thing to remember that might make you feel a little better is that you realize that you are doing something wrong. If it was a full-on disorder then you wouldn't realize it nor would you want help. I don't know if you should trust yourself to just have two drinks at this point. You should probably avoid the drinks all together until you start talking with someone and then feel it out from there.
- Yes it's an issue. Immediately go to a therapist. You seem to maybe have some attributes of NPD, but not on full. It's fixable. But go now. Before you hurt someone and while you have a chance to pull this out
- NPD is rare. Like I said, I don't think you have the full blown disorder. Just some traits. These are picked up in many ways growing up. Things like driving drunk and hitting on women while happily married are textbook narcissistic traits.
Check out those reddit groups I mentioned
- One wrong move and you can ruin your life. Or of others, even strangers. Not worth it. Just quit drinking. Edit: also just realized I'm making an app to help people recover from drinking addictions lol
- “After I get drunk I try to chat up with random women with no sight of outcomes.
I feel miserable the next day”.
Sounds like you are doing more than just talking !!
- Alcoholics don't drink every day. Alcoholics can't stop when they do drink though.
If you regularly drive drunk you absolutely will kill someone at some point.
Accept that you are an alcoholic and find help.
I'm not ducking kidding.
- Fair point. I was finding it hard to accept. But, I have been attempting to self reflect and introspect. I want to make sure I am not making bad decisions. But, I also want to make sure if there is a need for me to get help. I will explore all my options and fix this mess.
- Think of it as a discipline issue. Try going out with a friend and give them instructions to not let you have more than three drinks. See what you can do with help/coaching. But at the very least... FFS stop driving. There is no excuse whatsoever. But accept that you have a problem and try to tackle it.
- LinkedIn / ProductgassoupI would look into that, sounds like there's some issue you haven't worked through yet. Seems like some kind of counseling would help
- Microsoft 80004003Don't drink and drive, do you really want to put other people's lives at risk ? And not mention the potential trouble you can bring upon yourself such as DUI etc. etc.
- Drinking is fine, but please please please don't drive. You get caught, you are fucked both financially and otherwise for a while, worst case get into an accident and kill someone.
- Amazon x♥️♦️♣️♠️I used to be the same to some extent I still am (though I never drove drunk). I drink way less often now but when I do I'm often out all night. Part of what saved me was simply moving to Seattle where there is less of an all night party scene than where I lived before. A big part of it was also that I simply made new friends when I moved here, and I chose friends who do other activities besides going out for drinks.
It is nearly impossible for me to go to a bar or a party and have only one or two drinks. You can say you will, but two is enough to impair your judgment enough to make it three, then four, then...
Now I only drink when I have planned in advance to drink. If I planned to be drinking then I know who I'm going to be with, I have nothing I need to do the next morning, and my car is at home: I took Uber to come out because I know I'm going to be drunk.
My rule is if I didn't plan to drink I don't even drink one. I order a coke or an ice tea or even better make plans that don't even involve bars in the first place.
If I do plan on drinking then I already know before I go out that I expect to get drunk and I am set up for that to be ok.
Turns out that I don't very often really want to get drunk so it's pretty rare. Now and then somebody will invite me to a drinking festival and I'll come prepared, like a New Year's party.
You need to realize that you are only in control when you are sober and let your sober self be the one to make the responsible decisions. Doesn't mean never drinking, it means planning in advance.
Also I can't emphasize how much it is about choosing your friends. There are certain friends I have broken off with because really the only activity we ever had in common was drinking.
Now I have friends that I do other things with like dinners or sports or movies or shows or events and stuff. I have a lot more friends now that get up early to go to the ski hill than friends who stay up late to get drunk.
It's a lot easier to replace drinking with a different activity than it is to refrain from drinking at a drinking event. If your life and friends revolve around bars it's pretty tough to feel fulfilled without drinking. It's really hard to drink less, it's a lot easier to do something else instead..
- First off, don’t drive to the bar. Take an Uber/Lyft/Cab. Keep the number for the taxi cab in your wallet just in case you need it (something my dad told me to do when I was in HS in case I wanted to go to a party - at least I’d get home in one piece). It will force you to get a ride home and not drive home drunk.
In terms of drinking, for every one alcoholic beverage, drink 2-3 glasses of water. It’ll slow down your drinking and prevent you from getting a hangover next day. Also, you’ll need to pee - a lot - which will also pause the drinking.
In terms of talking with women, it’s totally fine as long as you’re not flirting/risking your marriage.
My guess as to why you do both activities is that it’s risky and exciting. Your brain may be biochemically seeing it as a reward and not something stupid (which you do realize before and after the fact).
In terms of advice, be someone else’s wingman. Don’t get drunk, have one drink and help a fellow guy meet a girl, find a date/hookup. There are lots of lonely tech workers out there. He will help you not fall off the wagon, and you’ll support him in his quest to meet someone.