In China, they used to say depression is for lazy kids. I struggled, got a bachelors in hard sciences, moved to America for masters in CS and landed a job at amazon. Did all the right things, been here 2 years (6mos in a new team) and now I got a pivot document and my appeal is Thursday. I felt appealing would help but blind suggests otherwise. Should I go into the pip or take severance and move back and reflect. I don't know what i did wrong. 12hr/5 days a week and weekend oncalls. did it all. gave it all. I'm feeling very low and don't know what to do. I'm even questioning my purpose, this seems surreal. This is the first time I'm facing a failure of this size and I'm inept to face it. Thank you blind community for your support
TOP 39 Comments
- Tableau VkfW31Depression is very real. I suggest you go see a counselor (I’m aware that in China this isn’t a really a thing). I’m sure you can find another job, Amazon’s attrition rate is extremely high, and there’s reason for that. Keep your head up and reach out to people for help.
- Apple / Eng ʞɹɐԀǝldd∀moreEvery PIP thread I read is from Amazon. What the hell at they doing to you over there? And what is this about depression not being real? Of course it’s real. I can’t believe the Chinese would let such an absurd position to even become a remotely popular one.
Your job sucks. To hell with Amazon. Find another one. But before you do, milk the insurance to seek counseling to discuss your depression. Understand what your actual passions are. I know lots of people who picked this field just for the money and not because they really like to code. That’s the wrong reason IMO. They say life is short...no....life is long. Especially if you make the wrong decisions. Find your passions and be happy.
- Microsoft / Eng 20% raiseDo they really say that in China? ridiculous
Depression is very real and a very complex condition.
It is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, although these chemicals can be themselves influenced by diet, exercise, lifestyle, stress, etc. as well as by your DNA.
unfortunately depression can then lead you to make poor lifestyle choices that lead to more stress and in general make the problem worse. (think infinite loop, or any other feedback system)
Sometimes all you need is a good change of scenery, or a vacation. Certain medications can help, as can therapy.
Its not a binary thing either, rather its more a spectrum. If you suspect you are suffering from it, you should take action as soon. as possible.
- Since you're in Amazon, it's most likely not you.
Amazon's a shitty place. My last team kicked 1 guy out cause we were over hired. He wasn't that bad, definitely not bad enough to get fired. Amazon doesn't give a shit about employees. Get out. It's not you. This is a good thing. Don't work any more, prepare and get out of here.
- Amazon qPNw05It’s not you, it’s the company. They need to get rid of certain number of people to meet quota and people like you who is hard working but don’t talk too much (maybe) end up as easy target. Don’t let them destroy you. There are many places that are better than this and you deserve to be valued by people who trust and support you.
- New 9yJekabhDepression is real - it has nothing to do with YOU, it’s just you are depressed. You are seeing things behind colored lenses, know that the low you are feeling now is temporary and biased.
Secondly, how you are feeling is pretty common for people at Amazon. Amazon is a slave machine. People on my team used to be depressed and dread the arbitrary deadlines and 4am Saturday morning on-calls. Most people leave in less than 2 years. Don’t let you bad experience with one company generalize to your whole life. Start interviewing (you will get plenty of interviews with your background), and just WFH since you are on PIP anyway. Tmr is a whole new day, and another company is just a month away!
- Tesla / Other iamtreemoreFailure makes us stronger my friend. Accept that you’re depressed and don’t judge it, but also don’t let it be your identity.
Would going back to China be that bad? You worked at Amazon I’m sure you can get a job at a lot of places.
- Amazon goosebumpsI went through PIP in 2016 and cleared it..I had good feedback this year. If you want to talk personal messge me.
I went through stressful times as I have family and mortgage, but then I looked up all that got me into this situation and started working towards it and got back and cleared it. Luckily my manager supported me and I ensured I did frequenct interactions with him as well. I dod lose a lot on my pay hike and grants though.
Dont get taken away with this, there are things you can control and things you cant.
Believe in yourself and find another job or role.
- IBM ucft35It’s not you, it’s Amazon. There’s a reason their employees are known for being miserable. Depression is real, and I’d bet it’d be different if you worked somewhere else.
Chin up, prep for your interviews, update LinkedIn. You’ll find yourself at a happier, better job soon