I’m afraid to post since I know this jealousy is very stupid but I want to overcome it. I’m a new grad female student starting to work soon. I always tried hard to get a job so I can live better off and buy what I want. I always thought that receiving luxurious purses from a boyfriend is little stupid idea, I think as like, “why are you proud of that you cannot buy it yourself?”. I always dreamt of buying a cool purse by myself so I can wear it at bars or formal events since freshmen at college. But I still didn’t get it since my parents don’t understand the purchase (it’s an asian culture but they rather want me to give it to them so I can help their house debt) even if I make over 100k TC. Recently, I started seeing my friends got those luxurious bags as a gift from their bfs and I keep feeling jealous. I keep thinking — I tried so hard to get a good job in this country and make more money than my friends who didn’t try hard getting a good job but I can’t even have one... This situation makes me think my bf maybe doesn’t love me enough to buy the expensive bag like friends’ bfs, which is very against my belief. I sometimes think I don’t get along with these friends cuz I feel less happy when talking to them. What should I do? I hate this drastic change in my thoughts so much... please give me wise advice...
The wealthy never show off their wealth. Check out this book.. the millionaire next door.
Read that. Those folks are not really wealthy.
You flex on others to create the perception of something you're not. If you're really rich you'd be spending it like naval does
You have your own income, you can buy what you want. Your boyfriend loving you is not related to whether he buys luxury purses or not. Luxury bags is a rat race that doesn't end. You will always be unsatisfied when the next season bags come out. If you like them, buy them. But it seems your interest in them peaked when your friends received them. That seems like the worst reason to want them, just wanting to keep up. Do what you want and not worrying so much about parents and friends opinions can reduce stress from things you can't control.
Congratulations... you’re really in a good situation in life so that you can worry about this 😫
What’s your worry? Aren’t you working at Amazon?
For starter: lost a parent... obligation to support extended family, worrying about people you love.. Many other issues starts to creep up every few years. You start worrying about mortgage, savings, heath issues, kids, issues with spouse, immigration. Nothing goes perfect in job either. Getting overlooked for promo, project pressure, some politics :)
OP, you don’t need to choose between your parents and yourself. If your parents feel entitled to your money, then absolutely don’t do it. But if it’s out of love and respect for them, that’s a good cause. If the purse was something you always wanted, get one. Maybe go to Nordstrom Rack or get last year’s fashionable one. You make enough that you can have both. If your parents begrudge you giving a gift yourself after successfully launching yourself into the working world, you will have difficult choices ahead (not just a money but with dating and marriage). Good luck!
I think rather than jealousy, your choices aren't given enough importance by your parents. I was exactly in the same place as you, they were so against me getting lenses/ traveling alone/ eating out. It sucks when you have to live on someone else's terms. Having specs on made me feel ugly, so I stepped up and had a fight with them. They couldn't believe their study-holic daughter would be so interested in such things and we didn't talk much for a while. Things started changing, I started traveling alone and got more happy with my friends as well. I feel, daughters look alot for parents approval, especially due to Asian culture. Break this now and then allow yourself to be free, while caring for your parents. Ask your guy to gift you and reciprocate it with wat he likes. Tell him, it makes you feel special, maybe not an expensive purse but simple rose on a bad day could brighten up your life. Get over the purse And BUY THE DAMNED PURSE Just do it! Dm, if you wanna talk
Buy the purse if it’ll make you happy. If you dunno then buy the purse and find out and you’ll learn something about yourself.
In a parallel universe people are worrying about things like these.
This is not about the purse or patents. This is about putting her boyfriend into an impossible situation. No matter what he does he’s at fault. Whether he buys or not she’ll be unhappy. I bet he knows it too
Heard of manufactured discontent?
There's two separate issues here: 1) your parents feeling entitled to your money 2) the jealousy you feel about other people's BFs giving them stuff. Short answer: buy yourself the purse. You deserve it :) Longer answer: I am not from an Asian family, but I am from a poorer family and so (maybe for different reasons) find it hard to spend money on myself sometimes. What works for me is that I for myself a monthly "fun budget" of $1000 which I can spend on myself without worrying about spending too much, and without having to justify it to myself. It forces me to make some tradeoffs and not buy All The Things at once (otherwise I'd probably own way too many guitars) but it's also more than enough money to keep myself happy with. I used to track this with a spreadsheet, but actually ended up getting another bank account (for unrelated reasons) so I repurposed one as the "fun budget" account. Re your parents, they're not entitled to your money (unless they paid for a significant amount of your college in which case yeah, you could pay them back over time). Perhaps telling them that you've set a monthly budget for yourself and that this is what you've chosen to get yourself at first will help them understand that you're being responsible with your money, even if the specific purchases you're making aren't the same as what they would do? Re jealousy: this will be an unpopular opinion on Blind of all places, but life will be happier if you don't compare yourself to others as much. Consider yourself fortunate to be in a position where you *can* treat yourself to nice things instead of having to rely on someone else.
Nice answer :)
Stop seeking you parents approval for things and take charge of your own life. You got this!
I keep thinking “they will be mad at me once they found out my purchase”
Let them be mad then. At least you can live your life the way that you want.