Me and my wife are planning a kid sometime in the next two years. We both have low TCs and we had started prepping for companies.
I don't mention her but having a low TC bothers me a lot as well. However ,she is the one who always throws tantrums around the house and gets irritated very quickly. In her defense , she is getting a lot of flak at work and manager is an arsehole. My wife recently flunked a Microsoft phone screen and was extremely upset. A week later I flunked Walmart.
Yesterday she got mad at me and started to rant. I could not take it anymore and said that I am worried and scared as well. This was the first time she realised I am hurt and now she is scared in turn. I try to motivate her at all times, but she now knows I am equally vulnerable.
Low TC has never affected me like it did yesterday .
I am completely demotivated at work , I Dodge sprint updates and have a hard time concentrating. I was not well since last one month and that added to my frustration.
I am extremely drained out by all this. But I am quite sure I am not depressed.
Any thoughts are extremely welcome.
- I haven't had kids but I don't think you should have a kid until you have been stably been taking care of your own life first. Good luck
- Oath xxxcdI would suggest couple therapy.
From the description, there are a lot of anxiety, but neither of you can pinpoint where that anxiety is coming from. Therapist can help you draw that out. You know there are times where you avoid things because it makes you uncomfortable. A therapist asks the kind of questions that put you in the spotlight and you are forced to confront your problem.
- 90% of the TC posted in this forum are fake. They are posted by New grads who don't have work assigned to them or obsessive recent grads who are in the process of leetcoding
There's an idiot called jomatech on YouTube who has thousands of college kids as followers who think blind is a place to get inspired and know their real worth.
- Oracle 6444ddDon't believe any of the TC you see here. All lies. Chill out for sometime. Seek therapy. Go some place for a nice vacation. Do leetcode and then decide a course of action. Kid will happen when the time comes and you are ready. Don't lead your life comparing to others. You will end up.miserable. Saying this from experience. Working Silicon Valley Mom of two teenage kids.
- New / ConsultantPinkJacketmoreYou guys who think TC here is off are just not getting paid enough. Blind is fairly accurate. I have seen multiple FANG and unicorn comp schedule spreadsheets and SWE TC is anywhere from $150k-$500k for 80% of SWEs at these companies, with the median being around $300k. A combined household income of $500k is relatively average for the SF Bay or Seattle areas.Apr 160
- Google lenajavaNot everybody needs to be at FANG. Just relax and enjoy life. Also leetcode however not to the stress point
- You’re never going to making enough money, if this is your mindset. You’ll hit one goal then get depressed that you haven’t hit the next.
- Microsoft jcdjkThe way this sounds to me is, you are not satisfied by your compensation. It's hard to believe that 2 software engineers cannot afford to have a child.
I mean sure, there will be compromises based on how much your TC is. But you know what, there will always be some sort of compromises no matter what.
- Salesforce xortah17Just keep on interviewing... nothing in life ever comes easy... perseverance is key...
- Broadcom Ltd. TmHR54Try to aim one thing at a time. You are stressing out because of multiple objectives like job change for you, spouse,family planning, mortgage etc. Try to do one step at a time like one of you start looking out while other supports to free up time for interview prep. Kid is distant plan as you said 2 yr. First get quality of life you want and then plan for kids. During pregnancy and first 2 yr of newborn is where you want stable life as surprises are painful in that period.
- OpenText / EngFBstockLOLMy coworkers were low TC and married as well. They got out of it by working hard and doing well at work. Higher TC will naturally come.
- i am sorry you are going through tough time. i have a kid and it is true that they tend to take majority of free time. i also suggest you to do more of leetcoding. interview is just another skill, more you do, better you get. Do discuss openly the current situation with your wife and come up with plan to tackle whatever the problems you guys have, whether it is perceived low TC or others. Don’t lose hope, keep believing things will get better and take actions to get there
- Intel / R&Dhakuna051Try meditation. Certainly helps maintaining your calm. Once your head is calm, it will help you focus on your goal.
Set long term and short term goals for you and your wife. Make sure both of you follow that. Have small accomplishments, share the load. Help each other out and try to get out of your toxic work environment. Unless you see something concrete, don’t really screw up at work cos that will put you in a vulnerable position.
As much as you hate it, try to see something positive at work and focus on that to hang around until you get your new job.
Good luck mate!
- Kids are really expensive the first year especially if you both work. Get on a daycare waitlist now or you will be paying a nanny’s least a couple of grant a month.
Don’t get down on yourselves. Interviews are not exact science. You should take time off to prepare for interviews and do as many interviews as possible. Each interview will provide you with experience and insight for the next one. Do warmup interviews with less ideal companies first. DM me for some helpful resources.
- New RItI54the majority of the US make under 50k combined and can have kids. Sooo, stop whining and adjust your living to match your income
- New / EngoNSA74If you’re having unnecessary anxiety I would highly suggest both of you skip the couples therapy and just go pick anti depressant medication. I found that it’s great for thinking clearly and resolving anxiety. Granted this is my experience on it and my girlfriends as well.
My girlfriend was very neurotic before she started taking anti depressants. Now she’s extremely calm and loves the ability to think clearly.
If an emotionally stable home environment is what you need - and it sounds like if you’re hell bent on having a kid in this expensive city (assuming you’re in SF) - then go find a psychiatrist.
Fix your home issues before a kid.