Low Balled couple... Troubles ahead

Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
Apr 14 69 Comments

Hi all,

Me and my wife are planning a kid sometime in the next two years. We both have low TCs and we had started prepping for companies.
I don't mention her but having a low TC bothers me a lot as well. However ,she is the one who always throws tantrums around the house and gets irritated very quickly. In her defense , she is getting a lot of flak at work and manager is an arsehole. My wife recently flunked a Microsoft phone screen and was extremely upset. A week later I flunked Walmart.

Yesterday she got mad at me and started to rant. I could not take it anymore and said that I am worried and scared as well. This was the first time she realised I am hurt and now she is scared in turn. I try to motivate her at all times, but she now knows I am equally vulnerable.

Low TC has never affected me like it did yesterday .

I am completely demotivated at work , I Dodge sprint updates and have a hard time concentrating. I was not well since last one month and that added to my frustration.

I am extremely drained out by all this. But I am quite sure I am not depressed.

Any thoughts are extremely welcome.

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TOP 69 Comments
  • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay2
    A kid sounds exactly like what you need 🙄
    Apr 14 5
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Perhaps , but we can't sustain at such a low income.
      Apr 14
    • Roku clarencee
      He was being sarcastic
      Apr 14
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      The sarcasm center turns off for me when it's my own problems.
      Apr 14
    • Intel Who.Dis
      You should be fostering an emotionally stable environment for raising a child
      Apr 15
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay2
      Sarcasm turns you off when the answers are not what you want to hear
      Apr 15
  • New / Eng
    GardenBish

    New Eng

    PRE
    Google
    GardenBishmore
    I haven't had kids but I don't think you should have a kid until you have been stably been taking care of your own life first. Good luck
    Apr 14 3
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Thank you. My wife and I are of the same view.
      Apr 14
    • Amazon Jеff Bezоs
      Nobody who can’t solve a leetcode hard in 30 min should have a kid. It wouldn’t be fair to the kid.
      Apr 14
    • Amazon 63784747
      Absolutely don’t get kid until you feel secured!
      Apr 15
  • Oath xxxcd
    I would suggest couple therapy.

    From the description, there are a lot of anxiety, but neither of you can pinpoint where that anxiety is coming from. Therapist can help you draw that out. You know there are times where you avoid things because it makes you uncomfortable. A therapist asks the kind of questions that put you in the spotlight and you are forced to confront your problem.
    Apr 14 4
    • CVS Health DhinChak
      ^ this. See a therapist.
      Apr 14
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Might be, I will try to bring it up with her.
      Apr 14
    • CVS Health DhinChak
      Go alone if she's not ready
      Apr 14
    • Uber
      2muchblind

      Uber

      PRE
      Apple, Microsoft
      2muchblindmore
      Smartest answer, thank you
      Apr 15
  • IBM / Eng bbw lover
    90% of the TC posted in this forum are fake. They are posted by New grads who don't have work assigned to them or obsessive recent grads who are in the process of leetcoding

    There's an idiot called jomatech on YouTube who has thousands of college kids as followers who think blind is a place to get inspired and know their real worth.
    Apr 14 8
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      I know blind lies. I am not taking Blind as reference. I have some idea of the local market as well.
      Apr 14
    • IBM / Eng bbw lover
      What's your family TC and where do you live?
      Apr 15
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Live in India, at a high COL place. Family TC is 2.2 mil INR. She sends some money every month to her family , I have a mortgage going. But I pay rent separately.
      Apr 15
    • Salesforce VKwg47
      You pay rent AND mortgage? Your issue isn't low TC, it's high Total Spending
      Apr 15
    • Oracle 6444dd
      Don't believe any of the TC you see here. All lies. Chill out for sometime. Seek therapy. Go some place for a nice vacation. Do leetcode and then decide a course of action. Kid will happen when the time comes and you are ready. Don't lead your life comparing to others. You will end up.miserable. Saying this from experience. Working Silicon Valley Mom of two teenage kids.
      Apr 15
    • Facebook xrZ8Uq
      Most TC on blind is more than believable and is corroborated by lots of sources lol... Why are you spreading misinformation
      Apr 15
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      The TC I'm seeing on here is reasonable for a US-based, west coast job. Much too high for a midwest or non-US job though. The supply and demand is just different here. I recently negotiated a TC so high that I almost feel guilty about it. This was in Seattle, WA (USA).
      Apr 15
    • New / Consultant
      PinkJacket

      New Consultant

      PRE
      Google, Techstars, Mozilla
      BIO
      I'm me.
      PinkJacketmore
      You guys who think TC here is off are just not getting paid enough. Blind is fairly accurate. I have seen multiple FANG and unicorn comp schedule spreadsheets and SWE TC is anywhere from $150k-$500k for 80% of SWEs at these companies, with the median being around $300k. A combined household income of $500k is relatively average for the SF Bay or Seattle areas.
      Apr 16
  • Google lenajava
    Not everybody needs to be at FANG. Just relax and enjoy life. Also leetcode however not to the stress point
    Apr 14 5
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Frankly not aiming FAANG. But some place where both are TC s are decent.
      Apr 14
    • Amazon LoanerBadg
      What is a decent TC for you? And how did you come up with that number?
      Apr 15
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Decent TC will be a TC where I can save at least half of my monthly pay After accounting all debts, mortgages, rent and expenses.
      Apr 15
    • Google new 1 here
      we want numbers OP
      Apr 15
    • Intel Who.Dis
      So then don’t sign up for large debts?
      Apr 15
  • Amazon CEQGCS31
    TC or GTFO
    Apr 14 1
    • Google / Eng
      CodeRust

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Samsung Electronics
      CodeRustmore
      He said: low, like maybe 300k.
      Apr 15
  • Roku clarencee
    You’re never going to making enough money, if this is your mindset. You’ll hit one goal then get depressed that you haven’t hit the next.
    Apr 14 3
    • CVS Health DhinChak
      This is it!
      Apr 14
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      I get the point but this is not the case here. I was not worried about TC a lot when I was not married. Only later I realised how little it is for both of us.
      Apr 15
    • Roku clarencee
      But that is exactly my point
      Apr 15
  • Microsoft jcdjk
    The way this sounds to me is, you are not satisfied by your compensation. It's hard to believe that 2 software engineers cannot afford to have a child.
    I mean sure, there will be compromises based on how much your TC is. But you know what, there will always be some sort of compromises no matter what.
    Apr 15 1
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Yes that's the core issue. However it has started affecting our attitudes as a couple.
      Apr 15
  • Salesforce xortah17
    Just keep on interviewing... nothing in life ever comes easy... perseverance is key...
    Apr 15 1
  • Broadcom Ltd. TmHR54
    Try to aim one thing at a time. You are stressing out because of multiple objectives like job change for you, spouse,family planning, mortgage etc. Try to do one step at a time like one of you start looking out while other supports to free up time for interview prep. Kid is distant plan as you said 2 yr. First get quality of life you want and then plan for kids. During pregnancy and first 2 yr of newborn is where you want stable life as surprises are painful in that period.
    Apr 15 1
  • Lending Club LChottie
    Leetcoding, man.
    Apr 14 1
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Even she has started leetcoding. To be frank some of leet frustration is deflected at me. I don't know whether to laugh at it or lament.
      Apr 14
  • OpenText / Eng FBstockLOL
    My coworkers were low TC and married as well. They got out of it by working hard and doing well at work. Higher TC will naturally come.
    Apr 14 1
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Thank you. It's the only way.
      Apr 15
  • Apple / Eng gtUh6$
    I don’t get the “lowballed” part of your problem. Who lowballed you? Your current employer? Is is it that you work for a low paying employer in general? Normally lowballing refers to when a company makes you an offer that’s objectively lower that what other get payed.
    Apr 15 0
  • Amazon lkui
    i am sorry you are going through tough time. i have a kid and it is true that they tend to take majority of free time. i also suggest you to do more of leetcoding. interview is just another skill, more you do, better you get. Do discuss openly the current situation with your wife and come up with plan to tackle whatever the problems you guys have, whether it is perceived low TC or others. Don’t lose hope, keep believing things will get better and take actions to get there
    Apr 14 3
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Thank you.
      Apr 14
    • Amazon lkui
      btw, why do you think you have low tc? compare to whom? some posts on blind are either extremely exceptional or lie (troll). don’t let them affect you. also, there are so many people who live happily with low or decent tc.
      Apr 14
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      Blind has a lot of liars. I am comparing to the local Market. We must make at least 80 PC more than what we are currently making.
      Our TCs are low as we worked on techs that are not of great value in companies that do not value tech.
      Apr 14
  • Amazon / Eng bababur
    A child won't fix your wife's attitude. It will only get worse.
    Apr 15 0
  • Intel / R&D hakuna051
    Try meditation. Certainly helps maintaining your calm. Once your head is calm, it will help you focus on your goal.
    Set long term and short term goals for you and your wife. Make sure both of you follow that. Have small accomplishments, share the load. Help each other out and try to get out of your toxic work environment. Unless you see something concrete, don’t really screw up at work cos that will put you in a vulnerable position.
    As much as you hate it, try to see something positive at work and focus on that to hang around until you get your new job.
    Good luck mate!
    Apr 15 0
  • Microsoft 8k7hjh
    Low TC on Blind... so you only make 500k a year?
    Apr 14 0
  • Daimler
    noDoubt

    Daimler

    BIO
    It's not personal. It's just business and I am a businessman man.
    noDoubtmore
    Kids are really expensive the first year especially if you both work. Get on a daycare waitlist now or you will be paying a nanny’s least a couple of grant a month.

    Don’t get down on yourselves. Interviews are not exact science. You should take time off to prepare for interviews and do as many interviews as possible. Each interview will provide you with experience and insight for the next one. Do warmup interviews with less ideal companies first. DM me for some helpful resources.
    Apr 15 2
    • Roku clarencee
      Daycares are a couple of grand a month. Unless you do a home daycare
      Apr 15
    • Daimler
      noDoubt

      Daimler

      BIO
      It's not personal. It's just business and I am a businessman man.
      noDoubtmore
      It depends where you live. We paid a nanny 3200 a month for year 1. He is now in home daycare which costs 1300 a month.
      Apr 15
  • New RItI54
    the majority of the US make under 50k combined and can have kids. Sooo, stop whining and adjust your living to match your income
    Apr 15 1
    • Salesforce isThisIt?
      Ya, befriend some Latinos in the Mission, in SF. They all are earning a lot less and have tons of kids and are very happy and cheerful. Lot's to learn from them.
      Apr 15
  • Amazon bayyyzoes
    Can you get out of India?
    Apr 15 1
    • Barclays PLC dwnmtivate
      OP
      I don't see that as possible. Short 6 month hops, perhaps yes in future. But not now.
      Apr 15
  • Google mubj
    What's wrong being volunerable with the spouse?
    Apr 15 1
  • Microsoft scarass
    Have kids - helps tremendously with priorities in life.
    Apr 15 1
    • Cisco aleph00
      Also really helps with the stress levels...
      Apr 15
  • New / Eng oNSA74
    If you’re having unnecessary anxiety I would highly suggest both of you skip the couples therapy and just go pick anti depressant medication. I found that it’s great for thinking clearly and resolving anxiety. Granted this is my experience on it and my girlfriends as well.

    My girlfriend was very neurotic before she started taking anti depressants. Now she’s extremely calm and loves the ability to think clearly.

    If an emotionally stable home environment is what you need - and it sounds like if you’re hell bent on having a kid in this expensive city (assuming you’re in SF) - then go find a psychiatrist.

    Fix your home issues before a kid.
    Apr 15 0
  • Uber IamDara
    How low is TC. Are you scraping by? Or you just feel like you should be making more?
    Apr 15 0
  • New / Eng
    GardenBish

    New Eng

    PRE
    Google
    GardenBishmore
    You could look into things like fostering a dog or volunteering care or something. That could help with practicing taking on more responsibility while also helping emotions without the commitment
    Apr 15 0
  • LinkedIn ex-fb
    Just curious what is your motivation to have a kid on low TC, or even have a kid?

    Unless you believe having a kid is needed to have some emotional support in your old age rather than be lonely and by yourself, is it really worth the trouble of having kids on low Tc?
    Apr 15 0