We had different opinions about an API model. There was an email thread for more than one day and discussions between us to show the pros and cons of each choice. But we were still in disagreement. So I asked for another SDE3 opinion and he was preferring my choice as well. So I brought up his point of view to backup my decision, but my coworker got mad. I said sure I'll disagree and commit to what you prefer (to unblock the project after all these discussions). But that wasn't enough for him. He raised his voice, kept trying to convince me that his choice was the right one. I told him several times that sure, I'll disagree and commit. He kept interrogating my beliefs to change my internal mind and kept ignoring my statement for committing to what he wants. He got so mad that he THREW a pen he was explaining his thoughts with, AT me. Update: Two hours later, he was discussing another topic (completely different than this one) with me and another teammate. He right away told me: "ok, you can't and won't understand this", then turned his face towards the other teammate and told him: "You understand this, so I'll explain to you", and completely ignored me. My other teammate had the same concern/question that I had (and that's why he was involved in the discussion), so after the SDE3 was done, he told him: "Right, but what X (me) was trying to say was ..." and explained what I was trying to explain to him (which he never let me and never listened to me, because right away he assumed I wouldn't and "couldn't" understand.) Once my teammate was done, the SDE3 said yes that's right and basically accepted my concern and the proposed change for that topic (not the first one in the post).
You should report to HR and manager. If things are not resolved You should just resign. Tbh I would have punched him in the face if I were you.
Would you have preferred he threw a banana instead?
Throw water at him next time
Melting gremlins is a fireable offense
If someone kept saying "I'll disagree and commit." instead of having a discussion, I would throw a pen at them too.
Disagree and commit is one of Amazon's principals and I like the fact OP used it here
I had the discussion already for more than a day and email thread. He didn't accept my choice, and so I said I'll disagree and commit to unblock the project. It's not like I said it the first moment without any discussion.
I would be frugal and fart in his face
You both need to grow up.
What exactly should MY growth point be here?!
Not going on an anonymous website to whine about your day. If it’s an issue, escalate it to HR.
Lol ducking amazon!
Keeping saying I’ll disagree and commit is just passive aggressive. Put the points you two disagreed with and talks through pros and cons. If still no agreement bring in a more senior engineer.
That's what I did. There was an email thread already with the pros and cons. The reason I asked for another SDE3's opinion was exactly this disagreement. This all happened after that. So I didn't say "I'll disagree and commit" from the beginning.
As I said, in this situation you’ll need to bring in a principal. If that personal still refuse to backup, discuss with your manager
I get you bubble tea. Don’t be sad. *gives bubble tea*
Such chivalry
:) thank you. I try to deliver.