TL;DR at the bottom
A couple of weeks ago, an intern started working on my team for this summer. She seems really bright and is super cute, and she has 1 more year left of undergrad (I’m 24 btw). When I found out that her primary project for the summer is on a feature that I initially developed, I was elated.
We ended up hitting it off pretty great, I got her ramped up on the project and company internal tools and I think she has already grown quite comfortable around me. I think I’m the only male on the team that she would consider a friend. We’ve eaten lunch together a lot and have gotten to know each other quite a bit, and at times have even been kinda flirty. She laughs at all my jokes and I feel like she keeps trying to make eye contact with me. I also get quite a lot of “accidental” touches from her while we are working together or out getting lunch. As far as I can tell she is single, but I have yet to confirm.
Just last week, out of the blue, she scheduled a recurring meeting titled “Daily sync-up :)” and its for 30 min just me and her. I honestly don’t see the need for meeting that frequently and doubt she will actually need that much guidance, but I am not going to deny her. She makes positive remarks about the way I’ve been teaching her, and even complimented the smell of my cologne once when no one else was around the team area.
Today as we were both leaving the office, she asked me if I would be down to get drinks together after work with her this Friday, and I was floating. I of course agreed to it and offered to show her around town as she’s still new to the area, and she seemed really happy about that.
Do I need to tread lightly here? If I get all the right signals from this girl on Friday, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist making a move. If something does happen, there is no way in hell that I will let my teammates or anyone in my org find out about this, but in the worst case scenario, what can happen to me if this gets exposed?
I’m the longest serving member of my current team (though I’m far from being the most senior), and I feel that I’ve earned a good amount of respect/trust from my peers and managers up to this point.
Would you find this behavior inappropriate if someone on your team did this? In a way, I almost feel like my manager would actually be okay with it, but I obviously can’t assume that. I seriously NEVER imagined myself being in one of these situations, and after hearing about the consequences you guys mention for getting involved in these type of things, it all sounds kinda ridiculous to me. Can I seriously get fired over something like this?
TL;DR female intern and I have been flirting a lot and we’re hanging out at the end of this week. I want to make a move and I think she’s down, but I’m worried about what could happen if things go wrong or someone on the team finds out. HELP!
TL;DR at the bottom
- Forgot to mention that she’s not actually reporting to me- just working on a project that I have a lot of knowledge of. I’m not “above her” in the organization chart.
Anyways, I thought #MeToo is focused on sexual assault/harassment issues. How can I be targeted for that if I am only gonna try to make a move if we are outside of the workplace and there is consent? (And I’m only considering it in the first place because she has made it somewhat clear that she could be interested)Jun 3 2
- Splunk pwnyportalThis has a potential problem written all over it . Be smart and keep it super professional.
This is just an advice from another female.
- I was in almost the exact same scenario. Nothing bad came of it, but I was very much aware of the potential problems that existed there. Be careful, and yes, tread lightly.
Have fun :)
Also, don’t do anything that would make the remaining days awkward with her. Hold off until the end if you’re planning anything
- Not officially, but leaving and arriving with the same teammate almost everyday and constantly going to lunch with them gives serious hints about it.
You can go out of your way to leave at different times and have lunch with different people, but in my case, people didn’t seem to care much.
- Don't make a move fool. Me too worst case. If your team mates find out they'll think you abused your position. Nothing is worth some ass. Be sweet and polite but drop any romantic gestures. You should have refused drinks saying you're busy or tell her to invite others interns or some shit like that. Dumbass.
- Amazon / Eng Chad🕶Most dumb thing you could do. It may go alright for a bit but if it turns bad on your side or hers, it'll hurt both of you as far as work is concerned. Set boundaries, keep it in your pants, and tell her that although you like spending time with her, you feel it's in both of your best interest to keep it more professional during the internship. After the internship is over, do whatever you want.
- OP, the way you talk makes it sound like you've barely got any dating experience.
Take it from the older crowd. If she's really the one, an extra month or two waiting for the end of the internship won't be a big deal.
- Microsoft naIi11Yo, I did exactly this and ended up having to quit about 6 months later (not at MS). Not forced, but it messed up coworker/office interactions.
Even if things go well between you two, not everyone will know the story. If you care about your job, or working with those people, you run that risk.
- Sorry that happened. Did you guys choose to tell the team about your relationship which may have caused those issues with office interaction?
I’m thinking that if we were to both agree to keep it on the down low and away from work at least until the end of summer, we won’t have those problems
- Facebook / Strategy miikescottWait for her internship to get over. Bang it out as a celebration once it’s done.
- Did you even consider she might be using you to get a performance review boost? Shit can easily fuck up with the sjw in your company. You're just looking for trouble.
- Nutanix / Eng bybystockDon’t fall for it. She’s an intern. If she converts to full time maybe but I don’t recommend screwing coworkers. I’ve seen the intern scenario happen twice, twice guy got screwed by HR instead and got let go. Don’t let your friend down there get you in trouble lol No offense but by the way you’re coming off it appears as if you don’t have much experience with women. Be careful buddy
- Rackspace / Product ilaf35Met my husband this way. Studies show (even in modern day with dating apps) that 10-15% of spouses meet at work. Could be the start of something good.
- It enjoyable working with good people and tools. Very agile, and not in the project management buzzword sense, but actually agile. Unfortunately, compared with other product teams, pay is low, but San Antonio is cheap. I.e 5 bedroom house with a pool for price of 2 bedroom apt in SF.
- The rumors of buy out are always swirling around Rackspace. They haven’t come to fruition yet.
Sr leadership shifts consistently, not anything unusual in tech. They’re focused on bottom line, similar to culture at Amazon (or improved). It’s always good to meet with the recruiter, even if only for interview practice and creating future options.
Flagged by the community.
- Salesforce notblind42Think about it this way: what if it was a guy “giving the exact same hints” as she was. What if the guy had told you: “bro your cologne smells good” or “dude you’re an excellent teacher” or “let’s go get drinks this friday”? Would you have said that the guy was into you as well? Probably not. I’m saying this because i(straight male) had a very similar interaction with my mentor(straight male) on my team. You have to think of one’s actions independent of their gender.
- There are a few other suggestive moments we’ve had that I didn’t go into detail on that would be considered strange if it was coming from another straight male.
She literally laughs at all my jokes and I feel like she keeps trying to make eye contact with me. I also get quite a lot of “accidental” touches from her while we are working together or out getting lunch, which I would definitely not expect from another straight male
The smiley face in the meeting invite would also be considered a bit weird
- Amazon silver_foxYou are only human. Societal constructs mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe she’s the one. I’d risk it to find out. Go for it and be discrete about it. Good luck.
- Salesforce / Eng Full-SendmoreOP this is a CLEAR no-brainer.
Office romance is a great thing. There is nothing to worry about! Move slowly and everything will be great!
As long as you don't get too intoxicated and have sexual intercourse on the first night I don't see much of a risk. Like I said. Take it slow. And ALWAYS be respectful to women.
- New MIT_GradmoreThe HR would decide termination when something is brought up on those lines. Your manager have little control
Stay controlled and observe till end of Internship. Once the internship ends probably you could ask her out.
- Twitch sn729hskpqListen horny toad. She’s focused on getting an offer to come back. Don’t eff it up. Be cool fool, keep it classy and professional.