Summer intern coming onto me? Need HELP

Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
Jun 3 65 Comments

TL;DR at the bottom

A couple of weeks ago, an intern started working on my team for this summer. She seems really bright and is super cute, and she has 1 more year left of undergrad (I’m 24 btw). When I found out that her primary project for the summer is on a feature that I initially developed, I was elated.

We ended up hitting it off pretty great, I got her ramped up on the project and company internal tools and I think she has already grown quite comfortable around me. I think I’m the only male on the team that she would consider a friend. We’ve eaten lunch together a lot and have gotten to know each other quite a bit, and at times have even been kinda flirty. She laughs at all my jokes and I feel like she keeps trying to make eye contact with me. I also get quite a lot of “accidental” touches from her while we are working together or out getting lunch. As far as I can tell she is single, but I have yet to confirm.

Just last week, out of the blue, she scheduled a recurring meeting titled “Daily sync-up :)” and its for 30 min just me and her. I honestly don’t see the need for meeting that frequently and doubt she will actually need that much guidance, but I am not going to deny her. She makes positive remarks about the way I’ve been teaching her, and even complimented the smell of my cologne once when no one else was around the team area.

Today as we were both leaving the office, she asked me if I would be down to get drinks together after work with her this Friday, and I was floating. I of course agreed to it and offered to show her around town as she’s still new to the area, and she seemed really happy about that.

Do I need to tread lightly here? If I get all the right signals from this girl on Friday, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist making a move. If something does happen, there is no way in hell that I will let my teammates or anyone in my org find out about this, but in the worst case scenario, what can happen to me if this gets exposed?
I’m the longest serving member of my current team (though I’m far from being the most senior), and I feel that I’ve earned a good amount of respect/trust from my peers and managers up to this point.

Would you find this behavior inappropriate if someone on your team did this? In a way, I almost feel like my manager would actually be okay with it, but I obviously can’t assume that. I seriously NEVER imagined myself being in one of these situations, and after hearing about the consequences you guys mention for getting involved in these type of things, it all sounds kinda ridiculous to me. Can I seriously get fired over something like this?

TL;DR female intern and I have been flirting a lot and we’re hanging out at the end of this week. I want to make a move and I think she’s down, but I’m worried about what could happen if things go wrong or someone on the team finds out. HELP!

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TOP 65 Comments
  • Microsoft / Eng
    EngineerMS

    Microsoft Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    EngineerMSmore
    Jun 3 5
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      How is this MeToo? I’m just a regular guy working near the bottom of the totem pole, attracted to a woman of a similar age who just might actually be interested in a consenting relationship. If I can lose my job over that, that seems messed up
      Jun 3
    • Google / Eng Bluths
      You’re in a position of power. You’re lowly, but above her.
      Jun 3
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Forgot to mention that she’s not actually reporting to me- just working on a project that I have a lot of knowledge of. I’m not “above her” in the organization chart.

      Anyways, I thought #MeToo is focused on sexual assault/harassment issues. How can I be targeted for that if I am only gonna try to make a move if we are outside of the workplace and there is consent? (And I’m only considering it in the first place because she has made it somewhat clear that she could be interested)
      Jun 3
    • Intel Act2016
      You are. You are the employee. And she is the intern. That should resonate
      Jun 3
    • New / Eng
      🔥HODL🔥

      New Eng

      PRE
      Sogeti
      BIO
      I'm a generalist soft eng who loves to work on hard tasks and open-source. I have experience in many domains (low-level, web, data science, security, etc.).
      🔥HODL🔥more
      If you're paranoid make her sign a consent paper lol.
      Jun 3
  • Splunk pwnyportal
    This has a potential problem written all over it . Be smart and keep it super professional.
    This is just an advice from another female.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Thanks for the advice- I’ve definitely kept it pretty professional at the office
      Jun 3
  • Airbnb kYFK02
    Will you review her or have a say in her offer? Then no
    Jun 3 5
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Yeah, I’ll probably need to provide performance feedback at the end of her internship, but why is that a reason not to do it? I don’t think the outcome of this fling will influence my peer review for her or her ability to deliver on the project
      Jun 3
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      Doesn't matter what you think you're going to do... This is a "the company is going to cover their ass" situation.
      Jun 3
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      I know for some companies, they explicitly prohibit people from having outside of work relationships from giving each other peer reviews.
      Jun 3
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      So while you might be chasing some nice tail, you might be completely fucking over her career.
      Jun 3
    • Airbnb kYFK02
      If she doesn’t blow you enough she doesn’t get the job. That’s the definition of me too. Even if you claim that wasn’t the situation you have no proof. You should be fired in that situation
      Jun 3
  • Amazon / Eng
    onMyWay

    Amazon Eng

    BIO
    AWS
    onMyWaymore
    I was in almost the exact same scenario. Nothing bad came of it, but I was very much aware of the potential problems that existed there. Be careful, and yes, tread lightly.

    Have fun :)

    Also, don’t do anything that would make the remaining days awkward with her. Hold off until the end if you’re planning anything
    Jun 3 2
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Did your team end up finding out or did you guys keep it a secret? I don’t know if I can wait for the end of the summer, she’s gonna go back to college, and if she only views this as a potential short term thing then my opportunity will already be gone by then
      Jun 3
    • Amazon / Eng
      onMyWay

      Amazon Eng

      BIO
      AWS
      onMyWaymore
      Not officially, but leaving and arriving with the same teammate almost everyday and constantly going to lunch with them gives serious hints about it.

      You can go out of your way to leave at different times and have lunch with different people, but in my case, people didn’t seem to care much.
      Jun 3
  • Google / Eng xbebj
    Don't make a move fool. Me too worst case. If your team mates find out they'll think you abused your position. Nothing is worth some ass. Be sweet and polite but drop any romantic gestures. You should have refused drinks saying you're busy or tell her to invite others interns or some shit like that. Dumbass.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      I’m gonna avoid any romantic gestures in office settings from now on, but there’s just no way that I was gonna turn down this girl’s offer to go out. A woman like her is almost impossible to find, especially in my area
      Jun 3
  • Facebook / Eng 🤸🏼‍♀️🦝z
    Rule 1: Don't fuck interns (unless you are one). There's a power imbalance.
    Rule 2: Don't fuck at work.
    Jun 3 0
  • Amazon / Eng Chad🕶
    Most dumb thing you could do. It may go alright for a bit but if it turns bad on your side or hers, it'll hurt both of you as far as work is concerned. Set boundaries, keep it in your pants, and tell her that although you like spending time with her, you feel it's in both of your best interest to keep it more professional during the internship. After the internship is over, do whatever you want.
    Jun 3 0
  • Facebook J7gTj7
    OP, the way you talk makes it sound like you've barely got any dating experience.

    Take it from the older crowd. If she's really the one, an extra month or two waiting for the end of the internship won't be a big deal.
    Jun 3 5
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      She’s leaving for college at the end of summer. Can’t start a relationship long-distance right off the bat..
      Jun 3
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      Cool. Then wait for her to graduate.
      Jun 4
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      Same deal - if she's really the one, even a year or two won't make a difference.
      Jun 4
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      If it's not just the two of you being dumb about a crush, it'll still work out.
      Jun 4
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      Plus, realize that as the full timer, she's probably expecting you to set the boundaries for what is and isn't appropriate. There is no way that you get out of this scenario without taking responsibility for any crap that occurs -- real or otherwise.
      Jun 4
  • Microsoft naIi11
    Yo, I did exactly this and ended up having to quit about 6 months later (not at MS). Not forced, but it messed up coworker/office interactions.

    Even if things go well between you two, not everyone will know the story. If you care about your job, or working with those people, you run that risk.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Sorry that happened. Did you guys choose to tell the team about your relationship which may have caused those issues with office interaction?
      I’m thinking that if we were to both agree to keep it on the down low and away from work at least until the end of summer, we won’t have those problems
      Jun 3
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Since you are a part in reviewing her performance, I suggest you zip up your pants. This will not end well
    Jun 3 0
  • Yahoo xCWI25
    Which is more important to you, your job and professional reputation or a summer fling? You decide.
    Jun 3 0
  • Facebook / Strategy miikescott
    Wait for her internship to get over. Bang it out as a celebration once it’s done.
    Jun 4 1
  • Google / Eng xbebj
    Did you even consider she might be using you to get a performance review boost? Shit can easily fuck up with the sjw in your company. You're just looking for trouble.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng
      onMyWay

      Amazon Eng

      BIO
      AWS
      onMyWaymore
      This is assuming OP has a say in her performance review. Presumably OP wouldn’t be engaging in this if they are part of the review...
      Jun 3
  • Nutanix / Eng bybystock
    Don’t fall for it. She’s an intern. If she converts to full time maybe but I don’t recommend screwing coworkers. I’ve seen the intern scenario happen twice, twice guy got screwed by HR instead and got let go. Don’t let your friend down there get you in trouble lol No offense but by the way you’re coming off it appears as if you don’t have much experience with women. Be careful buddy
    Jun 4 0
  • Rackspace / Product ilaf35
    Met my husband this way. Studies show (even in modern day with dating apps) that 10-15% of spouses meet at work. Could be the start of something good.
    Jun 3 8
    • Rackspace / Consultant ilaf35
      The rumors of buy out are always swirling around Rackspace. They haven’t come to fruition yet.
      Sr leadership shifts consistently, not anything unusual in tech. They’re focused on bottom line, similar to culture at Amazon (or improved). It’s always good to meet with the recruiter, even if only for interview practice and creating future options.
      Jun 3
    • Amazon / Eng
      onMyWay

      Amazon Eng

      BIO
      AWS
      onMyWaymore
      Ya definitely agree. Thanks for the info!
      Jun 3
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Wow, didn’t know the percentage was that high. I agree that it could really be the start of something good, and wouldn’t even be considering it if I didn’t think I had long-term potential with this girl
      Jun 3
    • Facebook J7gTj7
      Yeah, and how many of those are in direct reporting chains?
      Jun 3
    • Twitter bad🥒
      I’m pretty sure that stat was pulled out of the poster’s a s s. But it could be true.
      Jun 3
  • Flagged by the community.

    • New / Eng
      Atr

      New Eng

      PRE
      McAfee
      BIO
      Looking for interview prep shit
      Atrmore
      Azns don't metoo?
      Jun 3
    • Drift UOSN85
      They don’t metoo white guys.
      Jun 3
    • New / Eng
      Atr

      New Eng

      PRE
      McAfee
      BIO
      Looking for interview prep shit
      Atrmore
      Why?
      Jun 3
    • Drift UOSN85
      Because they hate their own race and love us.
      Jun 3
  • Salesforce notblind42
    Think about it this way: what if it was a guy “giving the exact same hints” as she was. What if the guy had told you: “bro your cologne smells good” or “dude you’re an excellent teacher” or “let’s go get drinks this friday”? Would you have said that the guy was into you as well? Probably not. I’m saying this because i(straight male) had a very similar interaction with my mentor(straight male) on my team. You have to think of one’s actions independent of their gender.
    Jun 3 2
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      There are a few other suggestive moments we’ve had that I didn’t go into detail on that would be considered strange if it was coming from another straight male.

      She literally laughs at all my jokes and I feel like she keeps trying to make eye contact with me. I also get quite a lot of “accidental” touches from her while we are working together or out getting lunch, which I would definitely not expect from another straight male

      The smiley face in the meeting invite would also be considered a bit weird
      Jun 3
    • Facebook / Eng 🤸🏼‍♀️🦝z
      Yeah, that sounds like she's into you, but don't go there!
      Jun 3
  • Salesforce / Eng
    Full-Send

    Salesforce Eng

    PRE
    Modernizing Medicine, TransUnion
    Full-Sendmore
    OP this is a CLEAR no-brainer.

    Office romance is a great thing. There is nothing to worry about! Move slowly and everything will be great!

    As long as you don't get too intoxicated and have sexual intercourse on the first night I don't see much of a risk. Like I said. Take it slow. And ALWAYS be respectful to women.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Thanks! Def gonna ease into it 😊
      Jun 3
  • Amazon silver_fox
    You are only human. Societal constructs mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe she’s the one. I’d risk it to find out. Go for it and be discrete about it. Good luck.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      Thanks! After doing a lot of thinking I also think she’s worth the risk, and was sad to find that most of Blind seems to not agree...
      Jun 3
  • New
    MIT_Grad

    New

    PRE
    Tesla Motors
    MIT_Gradmore
    The HR would decide termination when something is brought up on those lines. Your manager have little control

    Stay controlled and observe till end of Internship. Once the internship ends probably you could ask her out.
    Jun 3 1
    • Amazon / Eng Cali Juice
      OP
      She’s going back to college at the end of summer 🙁 this might be my only chance with her
      Jun 3