What's the point?

New OPqa80
Nov 2 55 Comments

I was a really happy guy and had a lot of friends through school and college but I graduated with a Bachelor's in CS last year and moved to Seattle for work and the only think I can think about is how to get ahead in my career.

When I go on dates, I feel like I'm wasting my time and should be on leetcode instead.

If you've lived in Seattle, you probably know about the freeze. I went through that, made some friends but I just don't have enough fun with them to actually make an effort to grow or increase the friendship.

Coworkers are all right and fun but they have completely opposing interests out of work and I can't seem to find a middle ground.

I try to go for dance lessons (I've been dancing since middle school), go to meetups etc. but I just feel like I should be working harder instead of wasting my time.

I don't come from a family of great means and this is the most comfortable financial position I have ever been in but I have probably never felt this alone or unhappy in my whole life.

My college friends are kind of what keep me going. Just chatting with them and occasionally calling them is probably the only thing that gives me joy now.

Been reading books like Man's Search for Meaning etc. to try to understand more about a bigger purpose but that doesn't really help.

My college and high school friends literally tell me that I've changed and I feel it too. I'm not sure what to do.

TC 135k

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TOP 55 Comments
  • New / Mgmt facebooo
    1. Religion- any that you like.. it helped me feel connected to higher purpose beyond my selfish self. (Queue the Bill Maher fans)
    2. Is moving closer to fam and friends an option?
    3. You are changing and will definitely continue to change and that’s what growing up means...
    4. Don’t force it. Do what feels natural and don’t hold yourself to old expectations or constructs
    Nov 2 20
    • Google jejâ
      Christian God is a disease that needs to eradicated. Same with Allah.
      Nov 2
    • Pure Storage meemeep
      @jeja, why?
      Nov 2
    • Noodle.ai oUdj28
      @google there is a term for those gods you listed above: desert gods
      Nov 2
    • Google jejâ
      @meemeep: because the behavior their followers display is just pure evil. God is not great.
      Nov 2
    • Amazon / Eng SmkWdEvyDy
      I'm down with a Dessert God, if that's a thing.
      Nov 2
  • Noodle.ai oUdj28
    You haven't done enough leeting until you can get hard to a leetcode hard.
    Nov 2 2
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      What's the point? I would probably make 3x my salary in 4-5 years but I still won't be happy on the inside.
      I want to focus and fix myself first. Inner peace is what I'm really after.
      Nov 2
    • Noodle.ai oUdj28
      Just kidding. Why don't you take up a hobby or a sport that makes you spend time with other people. Relationships with humans matter more than anything for happiness. People here chase TC so that it will allow them to spend that quality time with people they like whenever and wherever they want to. TC is a means, not an end. Same with leeting you want to work hard and make as much as you can when you are young and able. The point is to front load your hard work in your career so you can take it easy and enjoy it later in your 50s and 60s. But it shouldn't come at the expense of having no friends or partners. Then you'd be left with just a bunch of money and no people to live your life with. Balance is the key my friend.
      Nov 2
  • Riverbed Technology siegel
    It's a phase, will pass.
    Nov 2 2
    • Pure Storage meemeep
      Soon we'll just accept it as a new born?
      Nov 2
    • Pure Storage meemeep
      *norm
      Nov 2
  • Sprint vYRO35
    This is going too sound so weird but you should start looking into FI, Financial Independence. This seems to be a good timing and you have the means to do so. FI will provide you the security that you need and they have a good community. Just spend 20 mins reading about it on Google.
    Nov 2 5
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      I'm all about "FIRE" but I just think that if I don't have work, what the fuck would I do? I go on vacations etc. but after about 5 days, I've mostly had enough and again, I think about my career.
      I have joked that "I'll be working till I die" numerous times.
      Nov 2
    • New / Mgmt facebooo
      We all said that when we started. Then we grew up.
      Nov 2
    • Sprint vYRO35
      This is why I did not type 'FIRE' because I do not believe in that either but thought FI would be good. You can make FI more personal. Keep working until you die, but also you can start that business? Start helping others who can't be helped? Animal shelter? FI is just an idea I was throwing out here.
      Nov 2
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      Thanks @Sprint.
      Nov 2
    • Sprint vYRO35
      NP, was just trying to help since you brought up your family background with money.
      Nov 2
  • Bank of America wonderbro
    What's wrong with focus on leetcode and career. Do what you want if it makes you happy and have no regrets. You invest time now in your career and rise up the TC ranks fast.

    At the same time there is nothing like being 25 and partying and having wild sex orgies etc.. And that takes equally alot of work to do as well.

    Weigh the opp cost of it all.. U only are young once.. When r u 50 and ready to party guess what nobody is around lol.
    Nov 2 2
    • Northrop Grumman / Eng GammaE
      Is that what happens at BoA? Orgies???

      Seems like it’s better to sacrifice now for later. But then again nothing more painful than regret.... Everything comes at a cost, you won’t truly know if it was the right choice until the end.
      Nov 2
    • Amazon / Eng SmkWdEvyDy
      Nah man, I've been to some crazy sex parties and there are plenty of old people there too. But mostly I agree
      Nov 2
  • T-Mobile / Eng packetcore
    The only way this would work in Seattle is to find a significant other soon. Seattle for singles is one of the worst cities. Good tc and a partner and all will fall into place. The longer you wait the worst it gets. Been here for awhile, it’s getting worse with the influx of single men causing imbalance and bringing the Silicon Valley rat race up north.
    Nov 2 1
    • Amazon / Eng
      fishstick

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Amazon
      fishstickmore
      Don’t rush to get married, marrying a wrong person will be a curse you will carry for the rest of your life.... nothing wrong with being single, or in casual relationships, even more serious ones. Nobody needs a piece of paper and legal obligation to hang out with someone, if someone wants to hang out with you, then they will without any of that bullsh*t... for the rest of your life too...
      Nov 2
  • Pure Storage meemeep
    Feel ya. Also looking for answers.
    Nov 2 0
  • Meetup 4sl8qx
    There was a time when I was obsessed with answering “what is the meaning of life”

    But as I’ve gotten older, the question makes less and less sense. It’s like asking “what is the meaning of sandwich?” There is no meaning, it just is. If there’s any point to sandwiches it is to eat them. And if there’s any point to life, it’s to live it.

    That’s all.

    The reason why you can’t find the answer, the reason that NOBODY has found an answer without inventing mind-twisting philosophies that rename meaninglessness as “mysticism”, is that the question is not a question that makes sense.

    Life just is. You exist. That’s all. There’s no point. To me, it’s a huge relief. Can you imagine if there was an epic meaning to sandwiches? You’d never manage to have lunch again.
    Nov 4 1
    • Bank of America wonderbro
      That's right we are just like a higher form of a bug. Go watch a bugs life and extrapolate... Do what you enjoy and live long and prosper.

      Humans have had issues w living without meaning hence growth of deitys and religion to service that hunger of "why"?
      Nov 5
  • New BMD
    Plan a trip with your friends! I make sure I do a trip with my college friends every 6 months
    Nov 2 0
  • Smartsheet fly0nWall
    It’s not uncommon to experience existential crises during your early to mid twenties.

    When you catch the metaphorical car, the next thought becomes “now what?”.

    I agree that forging relationships would be extremely beneficial, but that can be difficult depending on where you are meeting people.

    What are some other common interests, or things you used to enjoy but haven’t been pursuing as much recently? If you can find something to spark your joy, you can then use that to find meetups, groups, activities, etc. that will naturally bring you together with other like-minded type people who you may be able to befriend.
    Nov 2 0
  • Google UWOM24
    Be patient it’s only another 40-50 years left
    Nov 2 0
  • Bank of America wonderbro
    Go to Africa and help feed the kids.. Come back w a new sense of life. Or just focus on leetcode that is just as good
    Nov 2 0
  • Boeing 🐼 panda
    welcome to your 20s. it's normal.

    try to find communities of like-minded people... church/synagogue/mosque/ashram. volunteering w a political campaign. volunteering with the arts (the symphony, opera, and museum all have young member clubs). or environmental advocacy (trailwork, etc.) the mountaineers. seattle singles yacht club. try meetup groups. book clubs. music. golf or sailing or cooking lessons. poetry readings. lectures. it's endless...
    Nov 2 0
  • Amazon TiCi
    Pretty typical attitude for that TC
    Nov 2 3
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      Does it change afterwards? If it does, knowing that would really help me out.
      Nov 2
    • Amazon / Product
      beaver

      Amazon Product

      PRE
      Amazon
      beavermore
      It won't. OP, are you insecure and have fears that this TC will go away and hence you need to with harder?
      Nov 3
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      Nope, that's not my worry.
      I just want to know what to do.
      Nov 3
  • Amazon / Eng
    fishstick

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    fishstickmore
    Is there really nothing fun to do in Seattle? Can you try to organize some events for everyone at the office, get them all to pay their share... lots of people feel lonely, even those who don’t look liken they are, and will jump on any opportunity to do something fun with a bunch of other people. Make sure it’s something you really like doing, that way you will attract all like minded people....
    Nov 2 1
    • New OPqa80
      OP
      I have been trying out stuff but I have probably introduced myself to about 300-400 (maybe more) people by now and meeting a new person now is just annoying.
      Nov 2
  • Amazon / Eng
    fishstick

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    fishstickmore
    I think you need to go travel and party mate... meet some new people... you need to reset hard and rebuild yourself....
    Nov 9 0
  • Uber ZombieZoo
    Decide to check Blind.... Whatta bunch of baloney. Get life!
    Nov 2 0
  • Google swinglyf
    I’m sorry you’re going through this op. I saw a lot of friends who I was close to go through similar things, and it s been kinda hard to watch.

    I hope you find peace and enjoyment.
    Nov 2 0

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