Yes Sheryl, I Avoid Women At Work Because of #MeToo

Undisclosed / Sales &&&&&&&
Feb 28, 2018 51 Comments

https://www.recode.net/2018/2/28/17064254/facebook-sheryl-sandberg-me-too-mentors-wall-street-bankers-morgan-stanley

I thought this article was really interesting because I did notice that I pick coworkers to go to launch parties, work trips, lunch who are not female because I am worried about potential sexual harassment complaints. I also avoid having women on my teams because I don’t want to be criticized if I’m not promoting the women on my team fast enough. I also skip going away parties for female coworkers, because I don’t want to look like I cared too much about them. I have problems.

I will work on this. I’m glad you brought it to light.

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TOP 51 Comments
  • Google Anon911
    95% of women are harmless. It's not hard to figure out who are the 5% you should be extra careful around
    Feb 28, 2018 4
    • Tableau / Other closegrok
      Same can be said about men, no? If it’s not hard for women to figure out who are those 5% terrible men, why don’t they stay away from them?
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Microsoft zoomba
      To start with as a manager If you find you are having hard performance discussions do them with your door open and a female coworker next door. Do not take Amy road trips with them. Avoid being alone with them.
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Eng wfoz52
      @closegrok because they might be your manager or in other positions of power? Or they might be in a group so it's 1 vs many?
      Mar 2, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Other closegrok
      I don’t see how that’s relevant. Let’s say that this female coworker is not in a position of power and it’s not a crowd of female coworkers around me. Let’s say It’s the opposite and I am her manager and she is the only female on my team. If she is underperforming, then there’s a non-zero chance that she will report me to HR for sexism. How in the world am I supposed to spot that she is from that 5% group an stay away from her?
      Mar 2, 2018
  • New Auhfkoe
    I know women who faced these issues at work - not getting invited to lunch by male coworkers, avoided for 1:1 mentor ship etc. ultimately this exclusion hurts the women’s careers
    Feb 28, 2018 4
    • Microsoft zoomba
      Wonder how that happened. The guys are afraid.
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Eng Cruising90
      I have been offered to be a manager several times in last couple of years, this is one reason I decline all the time, having to deal with this #metoo crap than actually doing something meaningful in technology
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Other closegrok
      Yup, I declined twice for similar reasons. For me it was enough to just imagine having to manage this one typical millennial girl on my team who seems to be offended by pretty much everything and everyone. She is also a passionate feminist and convinced that her performance reviews are bad, because of sexism, even though she is just a typical underperformer.
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Flagged by the community.

  • Deloitte / Other ParPaper
    I totally appreciated that you read this and get it and are going to try. That’s pretty awesome. Thank you! :-)
    Feb 28, 2018 7
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      Wear a sign on your shirt that says I’m recording. Are dashcams a crime?
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Adobe / Other
      grumpy1

      Adobe Other

      BIO
      An anonymous bio is an oxymoron.
      grumpy1more
      If they record audio, yes. Video is less a problem.
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      Wait so it’s illegal to record audio but not video?
      Feb 28, 2018
    • Adobe / Other
      grumpy1

      Adobe Other

      BIO
      An anonymous bio is an oxymoron.
      grumpy1more
      Correct. California law is retarded, but you can be imprisoned for not knowing any of the 10s of thousands of nuances. Circular saw blades are a felony (shuriken laws: flat multipointed disc of metal that can be thrown). Baseball bats: felony. Hunting whales from a moving car = felony. But setting off a nuclear device inside city limits is a misdemeanor (seriously). Taping video is fine (unless it’s invasion of privacy, like upskirting or in a locker room), while audio is a crime. Stealing bikes or breaking into cars is equivalent to shoplifting a candy bar. And violent criminals are released early thanks to prop 57. Welcome to the land of stupid.
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Undisclosed 1username
      That would make me grumpy too :(
      Mar 1, 2018
  • Facebook SmellyCatt
    Maybe they’re avoiding you ;)
    Feb 28, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng ⬛️DownVest
    What she is saying makes total sense. But personal risk of being abused by #metoo is too high. Thank you Sheryl.
    Feb 28, 2018 0
  • New VHgg42
    95% men are harmless. It's not hard to figure out who are the 5% you should be extra careful around.

    But then women are in my attracted to those 5%
    Feb 28, 2018 5
    • Undisclosed / Eng iSk!ttles
      Uh, no. Don't go spreading the bullshit rhetoric "oh women only want the BAD guys" just bc you can't get with any ladies.

      Women want fair pay and trustworthy people in their lives, it's not too much to ask
      Feb 28, 2018
    • New VHgg42
      I will once you accept that women are not innocent damsels constantly under attack by men.

      All this metoo nonsense just proves the ridiculous sense of entitlement that women have these days. Lazy bums just looking to exploit men to make for their lack of talent and basic intelligence
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Eng iSk!ttles
      You're putting words in my mouth that i never said.

      Notice i said trustworthy PEOPLE not trustworthy men. Anyone can be an asshole regardless of their gender.
      Mar 2, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Eng wfoz52
      I don't think a lot of guys actually notice what's going on most of times. And because they didn't harass anyone and hadn't notice anyone harassing, they just dismiss the whole thing as a theory.
      Mar 2, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Eng wfoz52
      Also, DEF NOT interested in the bad boy type, I run away at the slightest hint of the guy not having a good heart.
      Mar 2, 2018
  • Google YTBs33
    Come on OP, this is just a lame excuse you use to distract yourself from the real problem: having zero women skills. If women actually wanted to talk to you, it wouldn’t even be something you’d have to think about. Be cool, be respectful, that’s all you have to do.
    Feb 28, 2018 7
    • Google YTBs33
      Pssh do you realize how much you sound like a little bitch? If you can’t handle talking to women becuz you fear retribution, then you have no game. Period.
      Mar 9, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Other Senulba
      Last time I cared about your stupid “game” was like 20 years ago. Right now I care about my wife and kids. And sounding like a little bitch also stopped being an insult decades ago.
      Mar 10, 2018
    • Google YTBs33
      I get it, you’re an impotent fat fuck who is just done with trying to get along with any woman other than the one he procreated with. What an inspiration.
      Mar 13, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Other Senulba
      Or maybe I am that rare person who actually found happiness in life and realizes how precious and fragile it is?
      Mar 14, 2018
    • Google YTBs33
      Since when is the ability to reasonable charming and sociable mutually exclusive to being settled down? Bro you sound ridiculous. And this is coming from someone who has a wife and kids.
      Mar 15, 2018
  • Undisclosed UVhY01
    @ybBb61 I was new to a team and was trying to have conversation with female coworker in a senior role who's desk was next to mine in an open office environment. I realized she had gone to the same grad school as my sister. When I asked her which year she was there to see if we knew people in common, she interpreted that as an attempt on my part to guess her age! She had gone and complained to my manager and I eventually had to switch teams to avoid her getting ANY sort of wrong impression. So ya.. I agree with this thought process.
    Mar 9, 2018 2
    • Undisclosed stealthdb
      Yeah, these days even if your intentions are right, you cannot say the following to a female colleague if you are male:
      1. You are working log hours, take it easy, go home (this apparently means, you are asking the female worker to go home and do domestic work there!)
      2. You need to have work life balance (again apparently you are asking her to take care of home )
      3. Do you have kids (you are understood as asking her to focus on family)
      4. And many more..

      But these are always told to males by both male and female colleagues alike..

      Seriously ppl like Sheryl sandberg have shamelessly created unnecessary problems to further their own agenda and careers..

      People who believe they are solving feminist problem should take examples from someone like Malala yousifzai who are solving real problems..

      People like Sheryl sandberg are creating imaginary problems
      Mar 9, 2018
    • Google YTBs33
      @uvh that clearly isn’t the whole story.
      Mar 9, 2018
  • Netflix ybBb61
    It’s pretty easy to not sexually harass people. If you’re worried about it maybe you’re already doing it. Not that hard to not be a sexual predator imo. If you have any doubt you are one, you probably are one and it’s not enough to just avoid you. You need to be terminated.
    Mar 5, 2018 3
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      I think he’s more worried about being falsely accuse
      Mar 5, 2018
    • Netflix ybBb61
      False accusations are a very small proportion of all incidents. He is more likely to be a sexual harasser than be falsely accused. Only a guilty mind thinks this way. If you have nothing to hide or worry about and your actions are completely professional you have nothing to worry about but you clearly do so that says more about you.
      Mar 5, 2018
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      I don’t know why you’re attacking me or judging me. All I did was explain the rationale being displayed. I can also see the rationale for keeping everything in public meetings rather than private meetings so that there is nothing to hide. Everyone has their own ways, not going to judge them for it
      Mar 5, 2018
  • Undisclosed stealthdb
    I don’t understand why people like Sheryl Sandberg are considered feminists.. they are purely selfish, self serving elitists..
    Feb 28, 2018 0
  • LUXLOCK / Product
    TqO45s4

    LUXLOCK Product

    BIO
    Thankful everyday I am in tech and grew up without it.
    TqO45s4more
    Avoidence is not the solution. When in doubt, think of your grandmother. Manners, respect, laugh, enjoy the interaction. If you wouldn't say it in front of your grandmother.. its a good baseline that it shouldnt be said outloud to men or women. 2 cents
    Mar 1, 2018 4
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      I think people who avoid women are doing it because they’re afraid that women will lie? Not sure
      Mar 1, 2018
    • LUXLOCK / Product
      TqO45s4

      LUXLOCK Product

      BIO
      Thankful everyday I am in tech and grew up without it.
      TqO45s4more
      I don't know any women like that. No opinion other than be a good person and you should prevail.
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Facebook SmellyCatt
      I don’t know any either. But I guess they exist? Better safe than sorry? No clue.
      Mar 1, 2018
    • Undisclosed / Other closegrok
      0.01% of people are crazy idiots willing to leverage and abuse anything at their disposal in pursuit of their crazy ideas. If this psycho happens to be your female coworker inspired by #metoo movement, then it probably won’t matter if I talk to her like I would to my grandma. Why take chances? Better safe than sorry.
      Mar 2, 2018
  • SAP Sbcuy08
    Valid concern.
    Feb 28, 2018 0
  • New mhBi81
    How would you mentor a woman if you can't even be in a room alone with her without risking being called predatory?
    I'm a woman and I've felt this isolation myself. I had to have very open discussions with the people that I was working with to assure them that I know things sometimes can get awkward and that I won't take things in a wrong or "litigious" way. How much men can trust that type of conversation is up to them, though, but this culture has led to a depressing chilling effect in work camaraderie. Not to mention if you add other dimensions of discrimination to the mix.

    I think this explains it pretty well: https://www.sortalexout.com/writing/even-if-metoo

    It's time to heal the relations between the sexes, not pile on.
    Oct 27, 2018 0
  • Undisclosed blindman
    Let’s all the men be isolated and live in one region while the women live in the other. Men work for men, women work for women. This is how the world is turning to - isolation of the sexes. We can procreate by artificial means, casual sex through toys.
    Mar 16, 2018 0
  • Flagged by the community.

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