Hey Guys, I will come straight to the point. We are an Indian family, moved to the states around 4 years back, with 2 kids - 3yr old daughter and 9 yr old son. It was mostly good experience related to education, sports before covid, and my son use to work on his district-issued Chromebook and play with his new friends, cycling, soccer kept him occupied. In the meantime we leased a new apartment and now he doesn't have any friend anymore and covid came :-(. On the studies front due to extremely slow performance, I got him a new MacBook and thought it will be good for him in the longer term and will increase his performance. Now since Jan'21, I did observe the following changes in him: He don't want to go out to buy anything, like Walmart, costco, jcpenney, macy's are all waste of time according to him. He wants to eat unhealthy food most of the time, had this been home made pizza, sugar drinks, ice creams, all high calorie items . He is not playing much with the kids of his age and mostly want to play with younger kids. I caught him several times playing games in Zoom class and it has affected his grades a lot, for which he gets irritated a lot. Today was kinda extreme, he out his bike down and while playing with kids, seems like he told that he is going to nearby walmart as he got some money to buy some toys. We were not aware of this and he rode his bike in full traffic (in roadside grass it seems) and while coming back he was lost so he landed somewhere near to our home with 2 toys with him. I wasn't sure where hs is he as it started getting late in the evening so I went down and asked the kids and they said that went to Walmart to buy toys, at first I thought how's that possible Walmart is like 3 miles form my place and how will he ride in between the cars but looks like he did and coming back got lost. Some of the guys saw him and asked him for my number so that they can call me but he didn't give it as he was scared that I will yell at him, fortunately he shared our address and one person came in our apartment and told us about him so I went there immediately and picked him up. After I picked him up , I asked what happened he said someone gave him the toys in the street, I told your friends to me already about it and how did you manage to go to Walmart and how did you get the cash to buy toys (~30$), he finally opened up and said that he took the money from his piggybank and went to Walmart without telling us. I have never taught him to steal in his own house and also I gave him almost all kind of sporting goods & toys too wherever it's financially viable and of course by respecting his choice. I am not sure where we are wrong and what we should do to raise him in a better way, as that's affecting the younger one too :-( & I am not sure if I should see a psychiatrist and if he is suffering from some sort of puberty or depression :-(. We keep the home environment quite open and have all our meals together and take stroll on the weekends like trail / beach etc. Appreciate if you can share your experiences and what you have done in similar kind of situation. no parents are there for us so we are not sure either whom to ask :-(. Any parenting book, blog link, consulting we would definitely be interested to opt for improvement for our kids. tc: 130k, yoe: 15 #parenting #raisingkids #lifeadvice #relationships
Find the problem- you are not spending quality time with your kid. You are not binding with him, hence he is finding ways to keep himself occupied. Your kid needs you as a person whom he can talk to knowing he will not be yelled and shamed. Fix the cliche parenting and try to be someone he can rely on. There is no blog written for you, you write your own blog ..
Yep that’s mostly my mistake, I am just too much into trading since last 2 months that I believe is the main reason
Don’t apologize … be kind to yourself.. as a parent .. we have to unlearn how we were brought up and learn how to parent differently.. times have changed and needs and wants too have changed ..
Sorry to hear, OP. Suggest you post this under the 'Working Parents' Topic as well, if you haven't yet. Also maybe consult a family physician, it could well be that these are just symptoms of your son stepping into adolescence.
Thanks Buddy, I am also thinking out the same
Red flag - your kid needed help when lost but was scared to call you. U need to fix this relationship.
Yeah I am digging more to check why it’s like that, i will also work on myself if it’s has to be me
Covid is making almost all kids to be self centric. It is not singulated event. This is what I followed and so far successful. I played with my daughter even on video games that she was into. That way I was able to discuss how addictive it is by showing me as example. I told her I skipped meetings and my manager unhappy etc., (though I had to exaggerate a bit). But it actually helped. She started advising me to reduce screen time. We moved slowly to chess/other games to keep us engaged. Big issue with most of Indian parents is this. We don’t know what our kids want to be. We think we are giving freedom but actually spoiling. Sorry to compare but it is true that white parents teaches kids on how to behave outside which Indians don’t. They tolerate kids and they expect society to do the same. Many of my friends simply say ‘oh he took more sugar so hyper’ when their kids literally abuse other kids. They don’t even want to tell them right/wrong. Just know it is your duty to tell what is wrong/right. It doesn’t need to be yelling. It is conversation. Have more and more conversation time. Involve him in cooking food. Chat with him telling ‘oops that’s too much cheese! While cooking’ . They will learn. Last but not least it is ok to be strict sometimes. But swing mood sooner and show them your love to him.
Thanks that’s indeed helpful 😊
Don't worry, teenagers his age are doing much worse things. I would love my teenager to be this cute.
😍
I am not a parent, just a guy in mid 20s. It becomes difficult for a child to adjust as and when you move locations. For me, after my parents had moved countries, I lost all of my friends and it was really difficult to build friends in the new place (since everyone had their own friend groups). I ended up being lonely during my school days and that affected my confidence a lot all through out my teens and few years after . As a child moves into puberty, you also want to be careful in your communication style and be open to listening to them and give them space so that they are comfortable sharing matters with you. Lastly, kids look upto their parents a lot, so you also want to put in effort towards being one of their role models in life. Eating healthy, working out, making good friends outside, maintaining solid excellent relationship with your spouse and family counts.
def agree w other commenters on earning his trust so he isn’t afraid of punishment, but can accept it and take responsibility for himself. will also say that as long as he’s not hurting other people on purpose or endangering himself, there’s hope for change!!
Tech Industry
6h
286
Would you go through long interview process again?
India
Yesterday
1057
Why Worshipping Lord Ram Important in Hinduism?
World Conflicts
Yesterday
799
Blind is an antisemitic cesspool
World Conflicts
Yesterday
509
Israel prevents Palestinians from gathering rainwater? Seems wrong on so many levels to me
Tech Industry
Yesterday
869
Programmers are the smartest people in the world
Some bullet points, but of course Blind post won't be enough. - until age of 14 you can teach your kid, after that you're more of an advisor/friend and do not expect them to become more dependant on you with years. - your spouse and you are your kids' main example. Even if it doesn't seem so at times. If he likes junk food or games - he got access to those somehow. If he doesn't like sports, how much of those do you do? And if often, is there a reason you do not involve your kid? Make your kid is busy with activities, so that he doesn't have time for other stuff. - he's still young enough to be friends with kids you bring into his circle. You literally have control over who his friends are, so use that while it lasts. You really don't have much time left, parenting starts since day one, not when they leave elementary school.
Thank you Buddy, appreciate your kind words, I am talking more with him and understanding his point of view, here is the toy he wanted to buy but didn’t tell us 😊