3 months to become more productive and motivated, but risk of losing golden job opportunity?
Questions at the bottom. Thanking you in advance for reading this. I used to be very hardworking, high achieving, resilient, positive. However, now looking back, things already started to fall apart 1-2 years ago: - sleeping at 3am & getting <=6 hours of sleep while having to cram - switching major last year of college and had to cram to finish to get $$ - due to a negative person in my life saying things that made me seem worthless to mutual friends; I get more anxious thinking I need to prove these people that i'm not useless - feel pressure to get at least get 6 figure salary, but this is always conflicted with what people say to have "balance in life". - grew up having to support low-income family; my family background/culture reinforces that I need to sacrifice for my younger siblings and family. Although after I got into a good college, my mother always says it's ok if I don't make 6 figures, I grew up feeling the necessity of having more money - etc. Issue snowballed. Now: - study through 30-minute video, but nothing is retained in my brain - always having a mind fog' - fall asleep ever so often while working/studying during the day - my first job out of college pays above average but way less than my tech peers. it's not hard and I dont dislike it, but I still don't have the motivation to do anything at work. Also, i feel like this job is not respected by my peers - i made a lot of wrong decisions in college, so now i'm super afraid of decision making. this made me also form a habit of being anxious and indecisive - heard my team is trash so now im more afraid of not getting return offer I got into a good MS program & got a good internship that might lead to a return offer worth 6 figures but my fear of failure gets even worse. I originally wanted to prep well before internship so I can more likely get a return offer. However, my current state prevents me from learning. With my internship coming up soon, I'm sure I can't even finish 1/5 of the tasks during the internship (interviewing and actually doing the job are quite different. I lack the actual hands on project skills). The likelihood that I might not get a return offer is making me more anxious and unable to make any decision. A. If I don't go now, I don't think I will ever be able to go again. "Golden opportunity" means I got really lucky during the interview. B. If I go and end up performing poorly (which 90% I will), I might not be trusted to ever get hired at the same company again. I could ask to push internship to fall (around 3 months later) but my current offer wouldn’t be guaranteed anymore. They will only let me know if there are openings available later. *********** So now questions: 1) Any mental exercise and productivity tricks to become productive and increase learning ability in 1 month? 2) Will 3 extra months be enough to increase my productivity for it to be worth the risk of losing this golden opportunity? Thank you so much [asking here for friend for anonymity & I'm also going through bad times so would appreciate to see some advice]
Well you seem to anxiety overload and fear of failure. This is not uncommon, in fact, lots of great people like the Walmart CEO have said that their fear of failure makes work harder and be more successful. Believe it or not, the internship will actually be easier than the interview. In an interview if you get the question wrong, you are out. It will never be that way over a 3-month internship. Of course, if you continuously screw up over a one month period then it end negatively. Do not push the internship out. If you can get into a good school, you cannot be "bad". At least a good 30-40% of the students are in the same place you are and you don't know it. All work environments give you an opportunity to learn. Even Google's principal engineers with 20+ years experience will have to learn something. Your manager will typically give you a few tasks and will almost always nominate someone to be your mentor who will tell how to check in code, where to get documentation, what to do when you are stuck, etc. In an internship, you will not be reinventing Google... Instead it could be implementing a simple REST API modelled after another API, so you can copy paste lots of stuff. Net net you will have the help and a support system that will help you succeed. As for making bad decisions in MS... I am assuming you analyzed and figured out why you made those decisions. Keep a spreadsheet of the reasons why they are bad and what led you to make them. Refer back to them often to make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes. A manager or director usually gets upset by engineers making the same mistake over and over again. By forgoing your internship, you will be repeating a bad decision. My advise is that you go ahead and join the company. PM me if you have any specific situations.
Thank you! Pmed more specifics
Also regarding mentorship, I was adviced to stay away from the team i would be on since the teammates are not helpful on new hires; not sure how accurate this info is but that scared me more
Also get at least 8 hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation robs you of any mental power you need to work through tasks. When I am well rested i can get a lot done. When tired it's hard to get motivation to do much of anything. Lots of people get impostor syndrome and like you do. Dont compare yourself to other people. Also if you have friends that are not supportive and comments design to make feel worthless dump them.
If your in mind fog take a break, take a walk., nap, relax do somthing you enjoy
Thank you! Im taking melatonin to try to fall asleep earlier but i still end up only feeling sleepy around 2-3am. And then in the morning i have to wake up before 9:30am. So then? I end up having to drink coffee the next day. And now if i dont drink coffee, i get headaches (orobabaly addicted...) Back in college i felt 6 hours of sleep was enough but i guess im finally feeling the cumulative mental damage now. What can i do to remedy that damange + fix sleeping schedule? 2nd thing is: I feel like most high achieving people in tech only care about self promotion. How can i also be high achieving but meet genuine friends?
Lots of points I want to cover but here are a few. Your interviewing for an internship so no one is going to expect you to know everything at this stage. Your recruiter most likely sent you prep material I would stick to that. Also here on blind if you have specific questions you can always ask, lots of people willing to help. If you have contacts that are working in the industry reach out to them. I have interviewed and mentored few interns and what I looked for are do they have a basic level of coding, are they willing to learn and have an open mind, and can I work with them.
Thanks you so much!!! Is core data structure basic level of coding? (Or is this too basic)
Really depends on where your interviewing. Remenber that tech interviewing is imperfect process and that the things your asked in the interview don't 100% correlate to the skills you need to do the job as other posters have detailed above.
Please realize too that lot of people posting on blind are focused on money because it's hard talking about it in the open with colleagues at work. Some are too focused on the money part. At least for right now the industry is booming, so even if your not in top tier companies making 300 to 500k tc, you still going to make pretty good living regardless. But after a certain point money can't make you happy. After your basic needs are met if you just focus on money and getting more you never be satisfied. You will always want more. I got into computers because I liked it. Didn't think about the money part later and now I am greatful to have the job that I have and that I can care for my family.
We work to live not live to work. Every job has honor in it, the fact that your able to use your skills to provide for your self and your family are what you should focus on. Not the fact of what your "friends" might think or if your making 6 figures.
Lots of good general info already listed here but here’s something I do to pull myself out of funks like that. It’s all about time management. If you don’t set specific schedules you’ll end up just being lazy and not get as much done as you have the potential to do. So what I like to do is plan my daily schedule out precisely. Write down my entire schedule for the day in 5 minute increments. This includes things like going to the store, cleaning up the kitchen, cooking breakfast, studying X, studying Y, watch tv, etc. don’t try to give yourself extra time, just enough time to finish doing that activity. Doing it in 5 minute increments, if you think cleaning the kitchen will take 7 minutes, give yourself 5 so that you hustle. Getting yourself on a strict schedule like that will force yourself to do all of those activities, make you feel like you accomplished a shitload that day and train your brain to always do something productive.
@QdOM20 good idea, thank you. What will help with decision making and making calculated risk?
Failure.
Blah blah, cry more. Your mistaken in thinking of Amazon as golden opportunity
Take a week’s vacation. Don’t do any work or anything work-related. Let your brain and body rest. Afterwards make your health more of a priority.
@qYr9ir thank you. Choosing health and resting means no learning. I'm afraid of this tradeoff. How rest and then increase productivity?
If you don’t rest your body then your brain won’t work optimally and you won’t learn effectively. You have to find an optimal balance of work and rest. Look up “overtraining” on YouTube in the context of weight lifting (stay with me here). There’s a good video by Alan Thrall where he explains it with colored water being poured into a funnel. Learning is similar IME.
Rule 1 Stand up straight with your shoulders back Rule 2 Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping Rule 3 Make friends with people who want the best for you Rule 4 Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today Rule 5 Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them Rule 6 Set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world Rule 7 Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient) Rule 8 Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie Rule 9 Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t Rule 10 Be precise in your speech Rule 11 Do not bother children when they are skate-boarding Rule 12 Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street Recommended reading 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. :-)
Thanks! These are very touching. But sounds like they take years of practice
Start small, friend; read the book. Reading that book helped me understand and articulate a lot of problem that I encountered. Now, I'm working on solving them; one day at a time.