How Much is Too Much?
Married mom of 3 young kids in grade school. Tech product strategy role with an emphasis in assessing customer adoption. I’m a highly competitive person. I’ve excelled in my career. I strive to be ever-present for my family and to do right by them. I was raised in the 80s in America with a stay at home Mom and a nice neighborhood. I was totally privileged. I strive every day to recreate that picture for my kids. It’s f%@!ing exhausting. I’m on my 13th (!!!) manager at a growth stage company. Every 6-8 mos I have this type of change. As a person who has literal stake in this company (pre-IPO) and has a lot of experience to provide, I can make do with these situations, but at the same time, I am now retrying to grapple with the personal mental and physical toll these cycles have on me. It’s like starting a brand new job every time. This company is a comical carousel of starry-eyed leadership. I have somewhat of a unique role which requires re-proving my value and role and skills each time. It also requires me proposing a scope of work with a new team - which results in new schedules and new things to juggle on top of being the primary parent and dealing with all the afterschool, dinner, house, homework, laundry, groceries, reading, bathing details, let alone a schedule that leaves room for enjoying life and the small moments. I am realizing that I don’t even have a semblance of limitations for myself anymore. I am just a product of American definitions of mother always being asked to do more more more, on top of tech career person with the same demands - always with grace and a smile on my face. I’m reaching out for sanity here - HOW do you make a call when work is too much demand on you if you can always see yourself getting through the problem? What are your standards? I know this is not healthy for me. I need a concrete line to lean on though. Can we keep it positive here please? Many thanks in advance for your thoughtful responses. #workerstandards #burnout #mentalhealth
If I were in your shoes, where I have a new manager every 6 months and feels like a new job, I'd look for an actual new job elsewhere. I view pre-IPO compensations as carrots on a stick with a low probability of hitting the jackpot. I'd rather get a set amount of compensation, either all cash or cash + RSUs. Another reason to leave is you've been there two long. 13 managers at 6-8 months means at least 6.5 years. Don't stay at a job for more than 2-3 years. Stay long enough to deliver for the first year, learn a new company culture, then start coasting and interviewing. Loyalty to employers never pays off.Enjoy your life and your family.
I appreciate all these points and understand this is a generally good practice. It’s with adding that I intimately know the rhythm of business and general decision-making lines at this company since I’ve been here so long. They also loaded em with equity. I am fully remote and really value that. I am also in the Research/ Strategy/Design org that isn’t always well positioned in every company but for now it’s in a decent spot. This a key things that keep me here. But maybe it’s better elsewhere?? It always seems like a toss of the dice to be able to determine these things via an interview.
Let me ask you this, when you joined, how long did you think you'd wait until the equity became cash? Did it happen? And how long are you willing to keep waiting? Is it worth it? I'd cut my losses and move on. But that's just me.
Proving yourself to a newcomer is much harder for a woman than a man. I can imagine how interrupting this has been for you. You should acknowledge the probability of burned down. Take some time off if needed. Or just have a plan B for exit. That may give you a piece of mind.
Girl all I can say is that it’s helpful to see my life reflected back at me. Makes me feel less alone.
Are you thinking about taking some time to focus on motherhood?
Thank you for saying this. I actually cried a little when I read this. I guess this is what is plaguing me. I’m really driven by time with my young family at the moment and it doesn’t ever seem like the possible primary focus in this day and age.
Start with tldr probably for such long posts. No relation of how you grew up etc with what u r asking... anyways... with new and growth companies like DOcean, you will get bounced around. Jump to a different company of you want stability. Electrical , manufacturing etc may better suit you
Being a dedicated mom and a driven tech professional is made hard by our society and the system. Feel free to DM if you’d like to chat more. Something that has helped me is to hire a cleaner, get grocery delivered instead of going to the store, etc. anything one can outsource makes a difference.
Start coasting, mother