Story of my life!

Indian guy, grew up - I would say barely made it - in lower middle class family of 4 (parents, elder sister and I), I still remeber living in a chawl 10x10 living room, 8x8 kitchen, with tin roof shed overhead, no toilet in house. Always a makeshift bathroom (did not have 4 walls) using just piece of cloth tied on 2 side, we would take turns to bathe, we would also wash dishes, clothes there, water had to be brought from a shared tap outside out the house. Father worked double shifts, rode bicycle 20 km/day for commute, managed to get loan to buy 1 room and kitchen flat/apartment. seeing all this, while growning up, I always lived under fear of losing whatever my family had. Luckily I was decent at studies. Father used all his saving to put me through engineering with a promise that I make it a success. Failure was not an option. AGAIN lived under fear of not making it a success. Unfortunate thing happened, father lost his job (my elder sister was still unmarried and I was in 3rd year of engineering). Main source of income was gone. Family savings, including retirement saving, were 7Lakh (~10k USD), not to mention, we did not have any kind of insurance. It was a big shock, I still remember my mom, sis, and I crying together out of fear) Family did not give up. Mom was ready to sell her 'mangalsutra'. Father scrambled to find job, whatever he could earn, started from 5K INR a month(<100USD), I started helping, tutored students enrolled in 3-year engineering diploma courses, gave the income earned from it to the family. Worked hard, studied hard, got a job in a good IT company in India, Meanwhile sister got married, dad found a better job 25k INR/month (<400USD). Things looked better. I paid back cost of engineering to my father within the first 2 years of my job. Slogged 60-70 hours/week in the company to get good promotions/bonus etc. It worked. Boss was impressed, sent me to onshore location for 1.5 years. First time sat in a plane, earned enough money to take care of parent's retirement. For the first 23/24 years of my life, whatever I remember, I have always lived under fear. Mainly the fear of not having enough savings to survive. Fear of getting poor grades (because that would have resulted in financial trouble for the family), fear of losing job, fear of financial turmoil such as 2008 recession (that would have also resulted in financial trouble for the family), . I think now that fear of not having sufficient savings has stayed with me, I feel its wired in my brain now. Story continues. When I had enough savings, for the first time in 23/24years, I started to think about myself. I had always given my family's welbing highest priority over my welbeing. But now I wanted to study for myself, for further betterment of family(you see - somehow since I was luckily good at studies, I could offer a helping hand to my family). Fortunately, I had saved enough money to somehow pay for the tution cost of 1 year of relatively cheap US university for MS. That was the most difficult decision of my life i.e. to use all my savings and invest in my education. But then it triggered that fear of failure again! I had to be sucecssful to get a job after MS. Worked my ass off. Got 4.00/4.00 GPA. Got intership, that paid for large chunk of the 2nd year's tuition. when I was 26, I had a fulltime job offer and 9K USD savings. This was the moment when I thought I did justice to my family and myself, that I took care of their retirement/old age and also managed to educate myself. I was looking forward to life. All along this journey, I had started to like my highschool friend (she also had difficult financial background). We had similar struggle story. My family's financial welbeing getting good, but her family's financial welbing was deteriorating due to several reasons. I helped her as much as I could. She helped me as much she could. Our liking for each other turned into us getting married. 4 years into marriage (which was a long distance marriage all along because of type of professions we were in, workplace restrictions and we were focusing on our careers first), when she also had good job, I also had a good job, she sent a divorce notice to me. I was shattered. Hit rock bottom, gosh that feeling! it was terrible. I would not wish it even for my worst enemy. Yes we did have typical husband-wife arguments, sometimes big fights, but this was unexpected. I suggested marriage couselling to both of us. Tried to talk her out of it. but did not work. I always strived for her betterment. She was back of my mind every day of the year. All attempts at living under one roof had failed. (its long strory) During the divorce she claimed some 30k USD of my savings. Did not have even a decent closure. Now, 2 years after divorce, I finally feel better. BUT my fear of failure is not going away. This fear of failure pops its head as fear of losing something valuable one one way or the other. I thought when I had my full time job in US, I had made it in life, but the divorce shook my entire belief system. I am okay now, I am hopeful about future, started working hard again, getting recognized, but I fear that something bad and big might happen again and push me down again. How do I get rid of this fear of failure once and for all. I feel sometimes it restricts me from reaching my full potential. I cant take it anymore if life gives me another blow. Luckily I have few very good friends back in India. They helped me a lot. My family back in India is good. I care for them. I may also get a new job with TC of 300K pretty soon, but now my fear of failure is coming alive again. I am not complaining about the cards I have been dealt with. I was determined all along this journey. But now I am starting to get exhausted, because of constrant struggle I had to go through. Sometimes I feel alone in this journey, wish I had a companion to tough it out with. I have some good friends in US but not close enough to share such details. I am the only engineer and first and the only person in the entire faimily tree to have immigrated outside India. On the brighter side, I have started giving back to this beautiful country called USA. Volunteering/donating my time and money in local community, especially for causes such as STEM education, finacially struggling families etc through NGOs, workplace CSR activities. That gives me the feeling that I am knowingly/unknowingly helping someone who has similar struggle. Anyways, such a long post. It just helps to simply pen down such thoughts!