I feel grateful for all the companies (and SWEs) that rejected me

I had many onesites scheduled 2 months ago. I did 5 and got rejected in all of them. Then several other companies that I passed the phone screen ghosted me and never did onsite. Looking back with all the lay offs going on and the fact I completed my multi-year/multi-team project, got a promotion and great rewards, I feel happy I was forced to stay at msft. So thank you all that made that possible!! … I’m joking, I still feel like shit when I think about it and my self esteem is very low regarding to applying again, so I focused on my job to cope and to prove myself and delivered. But I haven’t practiced again in the last 2 months. I know I’m much better off that many people out there, but I’m focusing on empty half of the glass: at my YOE, people are making double and I got in debt because of medical reasons so I really needed a big raise. Trying to be grateful but I can’t, if I need to be honest. Trying to tell myself that applying after 50LC is not enough nowadays and that I had many learnings and blah blah blah, but until I break the streak it’s hard. Anyways if you’re curious here is my experience for senior jobs: - Google: was told right away that I did well but not good enough. BS, I’m sure I had terrible score, especially in the LC hard. The other 2 I think I did okay and meh. - Faire: was told I didn’t do enough testing. True, I barely finished 2 problems on time and was able to run a couple tests of the 10 unit tests they had provided me. Not sure if my job was to add more test and that was their point or that I should’ve finished sooner and run all tests and even discuss adding more (there was probably some catch hidden in the fact they gave me so many tests). - Gusto: they said I did great but with current market they prioritize candidates that know Ruby. - Uber: they told me I did great on coding and design but the HM had concerns about leadership. It checks out, I was all over the place, I thought they might down-level me but it was a straight rejection. - Disney/Hulu: who knows, got ghosted after the onsite, I can speculate what I did wrong or if they closed the job but who knows. Yoe 9, 240 TC, lvl 64, remote