I was always worried and anxious. It had its positives. My worry would push me to work hard. I graduated summa cum laude from one the best schools in my country. Then I was admitted to a dream PhD program at a top US university. Graduated 2.5 years ago. Worked as a senior ML research engineer in a startup. That's where my anxiety driven workaholism finally caught up with me. After close to 15 years of focused high intensity work I was burned out mentally and physically (started having hormonal issues, hypertension, etc). I resigned last spring because I couldn't take it anymore. Took me 6 months of vacation (intertwined with medical therapy) to start to feel normal. I wanted to work again. Started applying to jobs in October and got a reality check. So far I went through the loops with 10 companies. 4 FAANG-level companies cancelled interviews due to hiring freezes/layoffs. 3 rejected (I thought I did well in 2 of those, but alas). Still waiting on responses from 3 after onsites. I'm beyond worried again. My usual habits push me to hustle a lot regardless of anything. But the job market is really bad, feels like I hit the ceiling. Trying to figure out a way of how not to fall into a downward spiral again. A lot of what ifs come to my mind. I understand consciously, that times are bad, a lot of things are out of my control, I just need to be patient, take one day at a time and continue grinding. But my subconscious hasn't yet accepted the reality, feels like my expectations/dreams are broken and I'm in one of the stages of grief. I have a green card, a working spouse making a good TC and decent amount of savings. I shouldn't be that worried. But I am for my career. I understand, that it's a marathon, not a sprint, but I cannot explain it to my lizard brain... The sooner I'm in acceptance, the better for my well-being... Any tips on how to mature and move past all of these worries?
Listen to some talks by Michael Singer
meditation and journaling
Watch Limitless Chris Hemsworth. You’re maybe just being a …..
Realize that there are things that you can never change and you must be okay with that
Get attached to the process, not the result.
I highly recommend the book Rewire Your Anxious Brain. Best book I have found in the subject. Concise, easy read, full of invaluable advice and information.
I think my older sisters have the same issue and it comes down to being driven to achieve the highest ranking role at a prestigious place. Whether they can admit this to themselves or not, they are completely wrapped up in their ego. You need to look for a role with less intensity and less prestige so you can learn how to enjoy the work again without the headaches of these "top tech companies". Then you can start to appreciate things about yourself that aren't wrapped up in your work. "I am good at my job, but I am MORE than my job" should be your new mantra.
You just get less anxious about things when you get older. You start to recognize patterns and scary stuff isn’t as unfamiliar. It helps.
In my experience what I believe is that - 90% of overthinking comes from worrying about the "right" or "wrong" decisions. What helped me tremendously was getting out of that binary way of thinking. There are no "right" or "wrong" decisions, there are just decisions that you will adapt and make the best of.. Might seem silly at first, but it's really helped me get rid of worrying all the time. my confidence has also seriously improved, because it's forced me to just be confident that I'm going to figure it out. You're obviously not stupid, you're interviewing at a level that many common folk would never even get their application read. So just chill, get rid of binary thinking, do a meditation, eat your veggies, and be nice to people... You'll get to where you want to be :)
This here is great advice OP. I am someone who wants to make only right decisions 100% of the time and it's not realistic, it is too much pressure to put on yourself. I was discussing an important choice with a peer and they said "If you can't decide, pick one and MAKE it the right choice." I think about that often, most choices can be adapted or fine tuned or even reversed. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
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