My significant other has had her business closed since covid and periodically open. There's a big monthly rent that just burns money and it hasn't been profitable in the several years since being open. I tried to see if maybe she can do something part time online to help pay, but she's resistant to the idea, and won't consider anything. She says I'm selfish even to to just discuss it. Pretty much I'm paying for rent, food, her business rent and almost any other expense with no signs of it stopping. I've told her this, which has added to her anxiety that I feel resentment toward her. I work while she sits and reads the news, goes on Instagram, and for some reason has anxiety/nervousness, etc. I don't feel we have an equitable partnership, I work, but she also wants me to do dishes and clean, which I do half-half with her. However, I feel she doesn't pull her weight financially. Basically I've pay for nearly everything and the pandemic has made it worse. Overall, this has put a strain on my relationship with her. There's other issues we have, but this adds to there being times that I can't stand being with her. If she was willing to at least hear me out and understand stress I go through, I think it would be better. She's in therapy now and we've done therapy together before.
Is she one of those instagram entrepreneur?
no, she has a physical business, but like everything you have to promote self to some degree online.
You could get a PPP loan to support the business
yes, got an SBA loan, but that money dried up already. The PPP only works for net income to determine employees wages (basically cover those wages) and the business has more expenses, so there's no income, and thus don't qualify.
Think long term. You may be supporting more heavily now but in the future she may be supporting you more heavily. This can be something more than just monetary.
yes this is a good point, thank you for pointing it out. It's true and I want to support her. But I'm tired and frankly its ruining my attraction toward her. I'm at that point where I'm helping, but then don't really want to be around her.
How so (the feel me part)? Yeah, she's pressuring about kids because she's in her 30s. And only screwed until 18. But I'm scared to have kids with her.
+1, do not do this
It's not a good look to be judgmental towards people that didn't have the foresight to learn how to be good with computers. The pandemic caught everyone by surprise. I understand how you feel, but you are clearly being a jackass. I suggest you rethink basically your entire attitude.
No, the OP is not jackass. Their intuition is right. They both have to pull the weight in their partnership.
It's existed even before the pandemic and it's not a matter of them getting a job, but open to having a conversation to hear me out - which they won't do. Paying full rent for a business that's completely unused sucks. the rent is the only major expense. We should just let the business go so we can save or consider some kind of plan or at least give ourselves a cutoff date - none of that she's willing to discuss, which is unreasonable. I want a partner that will discuss together concerns we have and work together to resolve them. Yes, I support her and want this to be a success. Prior to the pandemic, helped buy all the materials, secure rent, help do the finances/file business tax returns. But it hasn't made a profit yet. Yes, there's some part time online jobs she has skills to do, but been unwilling. After we discussed, she was willing to at least look at some part time, remote jobs I found for her and consider making a resume.
Couples therapy (can be on zoom). You're not communicating and you need to be on the same page
maybe we should continue again. we did couples therapy some time ago, but the therapist died. we had a big fight a few weeks ago and I unloaded at her my concerns here. how I feel resentful toward her, how she doesn't listen, how when I approach her about the problem she brushes it off or becomes dramatic.
Married?
yes
Then divorce now. Just think about 10 years from now, 100% she won't work and you'll be pulling all weight on you, and when she'll divorce you at some point, but you'll owe her alimony of 30% of your after tax salary for the rest of her life. Just google "spouse maintenance calculator"
Prioritize love above all else. It's harder to be kind than right. You're right that she should be doing this, doing that. But hey, she is probably hardcore beating up herself in the current situation already, and this is all she can take right now. Covid is hard on everyone, maybe give her a little more time to get back up? You're being the best partner she could ever ask for, and I applaud you for doing your best. Maybe think about what your needs are not being met in your situation. Is it your need for equality? Justice? Growth?
I probably would be less concerned if she was opening to listening to me. Like consider an alternative. When I discussed with her about maybe looking for something in the meantime, she'd start crying and feel like I didn't support her dreams. We have a communication problem. I always make her feel good, I support what she's trying to do, take walks together, but I'm not seeing what I love about her anymore. I work like a slave and she does nothing. It's been his way a year, actually more. Even before the pandemic. I think this time is making me realizes what I don't like about my partner.
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I think couples therapy (if you really want to work things out), but it also sounds like you might not want to save this relationship?
Also are you married (or are your finances otherwise legally combined)? It seems like she should at least have an LLC for the business, and if you aren't married, you shouldn't be liable for the business's rent. If it isn't profitable, the business itself should go bankrupt. I guess this isn't directly related to what you asked, but it might be worth examining the legal and financial status of the business itself.
Thanks for the thoughts. We are married, she's a sole proprietor and I help with doing the finances, filing sales tax, etc. Also, for the pandemic, we got a pandemic loan since she was impacted. It's like near profitable, but usually behind. She's picky on clients and turns down business and she's afraid of opening and getting covid until she's vaccinated. She believes it can make good money (it's true, it just hasn't yet) and she gets emotional with the realization of maybe closing it. That's where I suggested getting a part time job, at least a short time, to pay for its expenses. Unfortunately she let job opportunities online go. Overall, it makes me re-think my relationship with her and feels like we're on a different page.