Been married almost 6 years now and have issues with balancing my wife's wishes vs my mother's. I cannot keep both of them happy and can't see any of them unhappy. Really don't know what to do. On top of that wife is pregnant now and I am making extra efforts to keep her happy and not fight but she always find something to fight about every alternative week and ots taking a toll on my mental health. Now sure how long I can survive like this. Any tips would be appreciated. #mentalhealth #depression
Can you divorce your mom? If not, divorce your wife. Never get another
Alternatively, your mother cannot divorce you, but your wife can. Parents learning to let their children breathe is a lifelong journey.
Your responsibility is to your wife. Good parents will accept that. If they can't, set ground rules with them and stick to it. You're an adult, don't let your parents treat you like you're still a child.
Are they living together? If yes, first things first, separate them and make each of them happy in their new personal domain.
No we live in different countries.
How do they fight then
Watch Sarabhai vs Sarabhai Season 1 Episode 1
Lol I wish life was as simple as that
Be atleast three episodes ahead of what the women in the family are watching ... you know to get a head start lol
You live in a different country from your mom. What are your mom’s wishes you need to fulfill? Your wife is pregnant with your child. Have patience, it’s also hard for her
In general calling her every week, picking her calls whenever she wants to talk, etc. Nothing big. That's what makes me sad when I can't do these things for her because my wife doesn't like it.
Put your foot down dude. Set the limits and ask for them to be respected. Set expectations around how much time you need to spend with your mom and get your wife to commit.
This is too abstract, but generally give your wife the priority. For her, you are the family and if she’s not able to trust you, it will hurt your relationship. Your parents are much more mature, understanding and forgiving, and usually both parents are there for each other. Happu wife, happy life.
Haha, not so simple. Indian women are expert at manipulation, it’s life time of drama after marriage.
I am Indian and been through that phase. With that mentality you will not be able to solve the problem.
You can not balance it. Just avoid giving any response to your wife or mother that heat up the argument. Try to engage your self in something that makes you happy like any hobby or socialize with other people regularly. Find your own happy moments without your wife and mother to compensate what you are giving up in your efforts to make both of them happy.
Thats helpful. Thanks
Just to augment that. If either of them say anything bad about the other don't forward that information and stand up for the person who isn't present on both sides.
At some point you have to grow up and stop being mommas little boy. Stop involving your mom in your personal business. Stop complaining about your wife to her. Don’t talk about marital issues with your mom. You must do this and stand up for yourself otherwise you will be seen as needing guidance by your mom and weak to your wife.
I agree but that's totally not what is happening. I don't complain to them about each other. My wife has an idea of how my relationship with my family should be and if I even digress a bit, she gets really upset. I do ask my mom to adjust and understand my wife's point of view but never talk bad about my wife to my mom.
I had similar problems early in our marriage. For a long time my wife and I would argue when I brought up my mom etc. Basically you can’t change either one of them, and it’s a tough situation. Have you tried counselling?
Your wife comes first.
You can’t make everyone happy all the time. Wife and Mother never gets along, it is universal truth and if anyone is contradicting this fact with their experience, in all likelihood his mom and wife are just faking it for the sake of everyone 🙂 Not sure what is making both upset but you might have to give benefit of doubt to a pregnant wife for harmonal drift. Sometimes let go attitude helps to go through this. Instead of what makes people happy, figure out your happiness within yourself.
True, I realise that. I know she is going through hormonal changes and I try not to fight with her and just apologise to passify her but still doesn't work a lot. I feel like I have lost my soul and am living live a zombie.
In a big picture I know few Indian friends and how much their parents interfere in their trivial day to day life. That is huge problem with Indian parents mentality. Overall there is always a tussle to prove they have control over their kid and not the wife. Sometimes account this factor while submitting to such wrong pressure tactics.