I'm just going through a really rough week emotionally and struggling with feelings that I'm just a cog in the wheel, that I don't matter and whatever I do or don't do isn't going to impact anyone, or anything and there's no point in any of my efforts towards anything. I know I should be grateful for this but I guess it's just completely shaken up the motivation I was standing on. Until the age of 35, I was working pretty hard. Got my PhD, postdoc, and upped my salary from 150k to 450k in 4 years my grinding it out in the valley including a startup exit. I adopted a dog and a cat who were in hospice, and also had a pretty good life. I didn't save much cash but I was happy to be able to single handedly take my standard of living from zero to a fancy condo in SF at the time and live a meaningful life, also got involved in the arts scene. At that time I got offered a family gift of 1M. I realized my parents are very high NW and no matter how much I earn it'll never come to what I already have. I started questioning my career choices and lost motivation grinding on my then Google job. Quit and joined a research lab, and invested the cash. I met my husband at the time (we were just dating). Things went alright. After he proposed 2 years later, he disclosed that he makes seven figures and has a phenomenal NW (1/6 of my parents but self made). I obviously didn't want to marry a rich guy and didn't know he was rich. I wanted to be with someone I could grow with, where we could grow wealth together and buy all our firsts together. But obviously I didn't want to break up with him and stuck it out because other things were fine. It's been a year. I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I'm a decent professional - I lead ML development at a drug discovery startup, was at a research lab before this, was at G for few years. But no matter what I make, it's only a drop in the pot. The satisfaction of funding my lifestyle, affording things through my hard work is just not there. My husband pretty much told me in the initial months (he regrets it now) that whatever my choices are were possible because of rich parents and that he and his friends are all self made. I've never felt worse in my life. No matter what I do, I'm not able to be well accomplished in our friends circle. To add it all, we invested half of my parents gift along with some of his money towards a 4.5M home, that I could never afford. I feel no matter what I achieve it'll never matter. I'm grieving the loss of the feeling of independence. I'm having a crisis. Part of me wishes things were normal (like 6 years prior). I know I should be happy and I'm going to get a ton of "be grateful" replies but guys, I need help. #mentalhealth
i want to have this kind of problems in my life
Well, yes, be grateful. You have what everybody dreams of. Your understanding of people’s worth is wired to money only, which is degrading. Invest in relationship, in people, you know. You only think about yourself. But there are tones of ways to improve other people’s life without throwing money on them.
Would you think I need to stop focusing on career? I've coupled career and money very closely and it's hard to decouple that. How do I do that? I don't have problems with the people in my life. I'm struggling with my career purpose because I spend a lot of my life working towards that and I enjoy it and the basic motivation (money) is taken away.
Yes, I would suggest you to think about what you can do for the people in your community, for your husband and family to make their life easier and happier. Work is just work, there is no meaning there, you are just a resource to earn money for stakeholders. The day they stop needing your service they throw you away. But relationships are going to stay there.
This is what those in the industry refer to as a first world problem
Troll
Listen you are just a cog, but so is your husband, so were your parents, and so are most everyone out there and that’s ok. In every measurable sense you are a success. So what if you aren’t “self made”, you still had to put in the work to get where you are. Your path might have been made easier because of your parents wealth but your husband’s path was also made easier being born with legs. You are more than adequate.
Thank you. That helped.
Yeesh, get a freaking hobby. You feel like a faildaughter because literally everything you described here that constitutes your self-perception is something evil and degrading to your soul (tech career, being rich.) You received a million bucks from your parents and decided the best thing to do with it was to buy a very expensive house? No wonder you feel hollow. Go find something real to do and invest your energy and money into.
Who said I didn't have hobbies? I mentioned I'm feeling a little low esp because my life partner has made comments in the past that I had a free ride and am not self made, etc etc. I'm struggling with feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy and purpose. I paid toward the house to pay my 50 percent share. We are only married for less than a year and I didn't want to come across as a "gold digger" by living in a place that's clearly above my pay grade.
Get fucking therapy or coaching. Blind is the worst fucking place in the world to spill your beans and look for support.
You have a great qualifications, wonderful work experience, and financial independence. You still sound unhappy. Mentor underprivileged kids. You will understand the true meaning of happiness see them grow and become successful. Sharing from own experience, not rich though.
Well that's a solid suggestion to have impact in an area I've a lot to offer in.
Can’t relate, sorry OP. You say you enjoy your career, so hopefully that should be enough? You got to where you are on your own, just because your parents paid the tuition fees it doesn’t mean you are not self made. There are so many people who have rich parents but don’t achieve anything themselves. Also, you don’t need to constantly compete with everyone around you.
That helps. There's more to being self made than growing up in third world country and traveling on foot. I should tell people to shut up when they say that. Thank you.
Get a therapist. I’m sorry you feel that way.