Dealing with Indian parents
This post is targeted towards Indians. Tldr. My parents were in a good position and they gave me a comfortable living when I was growing up. They neither gave me a lavish life nor a stingy one.But throughout my life, my parents emphasized the importance of education and did their best in that area. And just like they expected, I excelled in studies throughout my school, undergrad and grad school. My undergrad tuition was 90% covered and my grad school was 100% covered through scholarships because I had good grades everywhere. While I was growing up and even now, a lot of my friends and coworkers tell me their parents supported them in getting a house, paid off for their expensive college education. My parents never had to shell out anything significant for these things. I am getting a feeling I grew up as a nice kid as I didn't burden them with any of these expenses. Now, my parents have retired and have a considerable amount of savings (like $120k). I also have a stable job and I am not dependent on them anymore. So, my thought is that both of us can manage our expenses without relying on each other. However, my parents don't think so and now want me to support them financially every month. I have a feeling that my parents didn't do me anything out of ordinary while growing up. But they did a good job in fulfilling all the duties that any normal parent of a kid in my school/college would do. However, I did a better job than most of the kids in my school/college. Am I being entitled here or my parents are being entitled here? How do I deal with this situation? It sucks to think this way but I also want to know how other Indians are dealing with their parents.
My SOs parents are milking him. And it’s unbearable to the point I’m considering leaving him. He thinks it’s part of “taking care” of parents. But I’m of the opinion taking care comes into picture when they can’t take care of themselves. Interested to know any solutions
who is supporting your parents? Do they have their own source of income or nothing?
My parents have pension . Live a very modest life. Take the tickets themselves to visit me. Never asked me for anything. Even going out for eating or gifts , all a big no no. They don’t demand anything I get them whatever I feel they need when I can. His parents demand business class tickets to USA. Want to eat out every single day. Expect to be taken for vacation in India , USA and abroad. That’s why I said milking him and hence the frustration.
Are you an American Indian or Indian based in India ? Cultural values and expectations are very different based on where you or parents are living currently.
Indian. Not Indian American..
Do they get any pension or social security benefits? I am sure they can manage it for now but what would you do when they run out of money? Let them become homeless?
They don't have pension. But interest rates in India are pretty high. I feel they can get an equivalent pension amount through interests. But they are not being transparent to me.
It’s totally up to you. Every family is different; every person is different. If you don’t feel any responsibilities/obligations towards them, then you don’t need to do anything for them. I personally would help my parents in anyway they ask.
From what it seems your parents have never been demanding or expecting anything from you. Not sure why they would ask anything from you know. There is a difference between expectation and demand. Either way if I was in your position, this is just me and every person is different. I would give monthly expense of x$ to my parents every month. Start small, maybe 500$/ month. This not only give them financial support but the pleasure my parents would get that this is there sons / daughters money would be priceless. You are not entitled to anything and it will not make you a bad kid if you don't fulfill there request. I am sure they will make do. You will have your own family down the line who would expect the same from you. Also try and keep yourself in there shoes. In the next couple of years u will be at there side what would you expect of your child, simply do that. There is no right or wrong answer here do what u can.
They would have made a lot of sacrifices for you. Wait until you become a parent.
Ok chill out
My in-laws are so well off but still so greedy and always asking us for money. They dont realize that we are working our asses off, do all the household chores ourselves , have mortgages, kids’ expenses. They just don’t care.
Ohh really. Your parents may not be dependent on you. In case they were, wouldn’t you give them ?? What’s wrong in your husband supporting his parents. Grow up and don’t act silly in front of your kids!! They are learning from you! You have no business in stopping your husband from supporting his parents. The same arguement applies to him as well !!
This is the problem with Indian wives ( not all though). They will go to any level to support own parents but have issues if husband does same.
Haha .. grow up dude.. u just don't realize how much your parents would have sacrificed for you .. it's not just about money.. you will learn when you become a parent ..
If it helps, my friend's parents did the same thing and he went through the same struggles only to realize that they saved every penny he gave them after they passed away.
I'll not be surprised if my parents do this too. But they don't have to. Why should they do this?
They're probably only thinking it from a perspective of forced savings for you. 🤷♂️ Maybe tell them that you trying to save for a down payment or something?
WTH with all the ellipses