Female manager treats men differently than women
Looking for advice. I have a female manager who in meetings often gets argumentative with me, interrupts, uses my name as punctuation (a habit it find incredibly annoying and demeaning). We’ve addressed this as an issue in and of itself in 1:1s, during which her tone is very different. She has acknowledged that she can come across as impatient and short with people and has said she will work on the delivery of her feedback. Lately I’ve observed that she rarely interacts with male PMs in this way even if we are debating the same point. Today for example were in a heated discussion. A male colleague and I were aligned on our concerns over a feature she is encouraging us to push out. Each time The male colleague spoke she let him finish his thought and even acknowledged that she understood his concerns. Each time I spoke she became exasperated, dismissive and didn’t let me complete a thought. It was obvious to me but I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive. Should I address this with her? Wait and see if it really is a trend? Let it go? So frustrating to have a female boss exhibit more respect for male peers than female. I’m almost sure it’s unintentional but sadly, sometimes women can be each other’s own worst enemies. What to do?
You can mention it to her. But it could create a very unfriendly environment. Ultimately I’d switch teams and right before you leave explain all those issues. She’ll see you have nothing to gain or lose by telling her and will be more willing to believe you
depends on the roots of the psychology here. she’s probably got a sister that similarly threatens her security the way you do. If it’s something that deep rooted it’ll probably never change.
There is certainly some root cause. It may be personal so difficult for you to understand. I would deal with it professionally. Converse over emails which would be evidence and likely she will be more behaved over emails. Don't bring emotions to work, complement her, have conversations with her about things other than work, ask how her family/kids are doing. It helps to build a good relationship.
Lol this is apparently an open issue/ticket now: “pending root cause”. Using software methods on social stuff, just get out of there if you can OP!
Dam dawg, change your name to huge dick now... that was dicky as fuck
🚮🚮🚮🚮
Whats meant by using your name as punctuation?
Probably hard to explain in writing but this is very much a tone thing. Using someone’s first name in conversation depending on tone can be read as either coming across as more genuine or more demeaning. In this case she does it for emphasis like. “No, “SARA” that’s not what needs to be done or “SARA, I’m not sure what you’re confused about.”
That’s incredibly annoying
She has an unconscious bias. If and when I experience that (being a female in the game industry) I call it out. But you have to be data driven. Record your next meeting. Listen to it alone and make sure it is actually happening. Count the interruptions. Then listen to it with her and talk about it. Don't accuse her. State the facts (you interrupted 15 times, other person 6 times or whatever). Ask her what you did differently than your counterpart that warranted the different reaction. Tell her how her very specific and documented actions were perceived by you. And if she persist call her out on it when it actually happens in the meetings A little public shame helps nail it home. Your male counterpart probably wouldn't put up with it. State your worth. "I wasn't finished." "Why are you intrupting me? It is rude." Don't be passive. Say it in front of everyone, she did it in front of everyone. But start with the data driven behind closed door approach first.
Calling it out could further the animosity not lower it. Honestly, report her to Hr just like you would if it was a male manager acting this way. And request a team transfer on the basis of sexism.
HR won't help the individual, they are there to protect the company. I once had a manager that made me physically scared of his actions. He would just lose it and start screaming when I was alone with him.. I actually had the thought of "I think this guy might beat his wife" and "fuck, this guy is between me and the door." I went to HR because my skip suggested I do. HR adviced me not to get in a room alone with my manager. I ended up quiting and my manager got promoted. You either need to figure out how to deal with it yourself or you just need to leave. Whatever you decide, you will have to do it alone.
I actually don't like the things you exhibit behind your words. what do you mean exhibit more respect for male peers than female? So the right thing is to give more respect to females? Women can be each other's own worst enemy hum... because you are a woman, and she is a woman then you women need to stay strong and support each other to screw every male in the team isn't it? Sounds like a stupid feminist who didn't get her ways. I applaud your boss.
What about just the same level of respect?
What about say it as such then? It doesn't feel like she wanted equality there if read between the lines. She emphasize so much on male female stuff. Never once mentioned we should be treated equal or something. Instead she just crys that she is not treated well and women should not treat other women that way blablabla. So it must be fine for a woman to treat a man like shit I assume. It is all In the way she expressed herself
Did you ask privately other people in the meeting if they felt the same thing as you did?
Have you seen how she treats other women? Maybe there's something else with you in particular. Anyways, I'd switch teams.
Are you an ethnic minority? Maybe she's just being racist, and has nothing against women
Or she has a crush on the person and hiding her feelings with words
Switch teams
Hey a sex change seems pretty drastic, don't you think there are some intermediate steps. /s Seems like solid advice tho. If they can prove the different treatment maybe being it to HR? I mean HR is there for the company, so it may not help, but if there's proof then maybe
Why even bother? Don't waste time and energy on something fruitless. What is the realistic % probability of the manager getting 🔥d? Close to 0 no matter how many teams of documentation you have. Switch teams is easier if you like the company. Even better may be to job hop