Long rant alert ⚠️ Not long after I joined Google last year, my immediate families (including my mother) fell critically ill, and eventually died in extremely traumatic ways (cancer). At the time when this series of events happened, I was a new grad Noogler, and had not been able to build up my credibilities before being forcibly distracted from work. I don't regret putting aside work, and made my family my first priority by doing extensive research on their illness, handling logistics while in a different country, dealing with sophisticated quarantine protocols for travel, checking-in frequently with my other families, running between wards and ICUs, getting opinions from different doctors. But man, I wish I had communicated better with my team. The worst thing that happened to me was seeing my close families dying, and thinking that my first perf, and subsequently my career (you might laugh at my ability to pull anxiety out of thin air), was struggling too. In the end, my families died, and I took a very short bereavement leave given how behind I felt at work, and I feel it's all my fault. Like it's my fault that I couldn't "balance" seeing the death of my family one after one, and excelling at work. I'm grateful for my manager though. I was panicking that I'd get an NI, but I was reassured that a CME would be underway. I realise how uncomfortable we are about loss, to the extent that even avoid acknowledging them. When I look at the Emails in my inbox every day, it's all kudos, launch celebrations, etc. When I talk to people, they talk about "impact", "promo", etc. Sometimes that made me mad, and I felt like the loneliest man alive. I guess the feelings intensified because perf is coming. I find it unfair that while under the same expectation, I have to deal with tremendous grief and trauma everyday. When I closed my eyes, their struggles and our memories intertwined in front of my eyes, and I know that we will never cross path in this life again. I've been receiving counselling, and I'm figuring out my way to escape from this mental mess. Please don't try to figure out my identity, this is meant to be anonymous. I love you all. TC: 194k
Good luck. That’s rough but i’m sure you’ll come out on top
I was in a very similar spot few years ago. It was an intense struggle along with guilt of not being fully there for family. I survived it but it changed me as a person for the better. Time is a healer. If you can, avoid indulging with the thoughts and just be aware when not working.
Trust me you are at a company that values employees. It’s a long path to mental recovery, struggles are what makes one stronger.
There is nothing more important then taking care of parents in their old age and giving them comfort in their golden years. God bless you and you will shine in future don't worry about current perf, be grateful that god given chance to you to be with family when they needed you most. All the best... I am going through something similar and debating between career and family. God is great and will definitely do best.
this is why op is complaining. You're telling him to shut up and be thankful that they did the right thing and you're not acknowledging the negative.
Communicate with your manager: and depending on their reaction you will know if they are someone you want to work for long term. Communicate communicate communicate. They can’t read your mind, just be short, concise, and very professional when you relay.
Sorry to hear about the loss buddy, but the reality of life is much bigger than career anxiety, promos, performance discussions. This was tough time for you and may be still going on in term of memories. Give time to heal yourself as you are much more important than your career aspect. The fate can't be changed, the loss is irreplaceable. Jobs career are imp but being there for your family is far way bigger than current job. This too shall pass and you will come out stronger. Entire life is there to build career, one or two years here or there doesn't matter much in span of 60 years life.
I understand a lot of what you’re feeling, because my mom died tragically a few years ago. I was with her every day in the ICU for 8 weeks. After she died, it took a very long time for me to even start to recover from the trauma of watching her suffer and standing by so helplessly. When I returned to work, everything seemed so surreal — everyone acting like trivial things mattered. It was like an alien world after being immersed in the ICU experience. I’ll share one comforting thing that another family member told me in the ICU: some day someone else will be grieving, and you will understand how they feel. That’s important.
OP you’re a champion for seeing this through and I guarantee that you will come out of this stronger and wiser. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Take all the time and help you need. I pray things get better for you.
That’s tough man! I would suggest to just give time to yourself for healing. No loss is bigger than the losing your family. You are capable and will bounce back. But currently, accept the situation and get all kind of help that you can including communicating with your manager. Take it slowly. I wish you good health and happiness.
Take care of yourself. Fact that you are in google means a ton of companies out there would be willing to hire you. If you can, recommend you getting out of google or the team at least and put these things behind you.