How do I make it in this industry and life with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Im getting absolutely fucked in my career because of my learning disabilities. In college, I was able to put in more hours than everyone else and get decent results, but where I now work, no one has FAS or any other learning disabilities (thats why they're here) and still puts in more hours, which is completely unfair because now I have no way to even the playing field. I cant quit this job bc then there just won't be anything special abt me. Ill just be a 5'1" chinese dude with fetal alcohol syndrome. Seriously, every new grad on my team understands the system to a tee, and so do I, but since I have very bad memory and slow brain function, I can't make these correlations between different components of the system and find the root source of bugs/prod-issues, etc. I work 10-13 hrs a day and am still the least productive new grad on the team. I feel like I do not have the mental bandwidth to do everything because I am severely limited by my poor memory. I have to constantly reference files and stack overflow for the same commands and have terrible brain fog all the time. I feel like I'm on the verge of being fired even though I work 10+ hours a day. WTF DO I DO
I'd remove your height from the post. It might be too easy to identify you.
Start drinking it will cancel out your Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Or, talk to therapist.
Are you at Citadel now? If so I wouldn't say you are getting fucked in your career. 90% of software engineers never see more than 250k a year in their career. Seems like you are doing ok. There's always someone smarter than you, no use focusing on that.
I have horrible memory too. Eventually you gain wisdom and experience. Then ChatGPT replaces your need to remember details.
Bro you’re killing it, you got into Citadel with an obstacle that none of your coworkers have. Impostor syndrome is real, specially as a new grad, carry on, trust yourself and keep working hard, you’ve already shown you’re smarter and more dedicated than most people, you’ll eventually find your footing, and if you don’t, join a slower paced company.
Is there a way you can increase your "cache size"? Put the work in to build yourself a professional Notion or similar note taking system. Make it really easy to find all the commands you need. Ask for a reimbursement to get a separate monitor - attach it into your setup and just always have your personal notes available there It's tough and I'm not claiming that this is "fair" - just the way life is. But you're an engineer, use your incredible talents to make life a bit easier for yourself!
Find a different strength other than debugging that makes value for citadel
This. You have some weaknesses perhaps, but you are aware of them. Everyone has weaknesses and most people don't realize their own. You aren't in competition with the other people, look around the edges, I guarantee a lot of those people moving quickly are leaving things undone, or taking a short term approach. Think long term and focus on the kind of work people are systematically avoiding. Become an expert at the one system everyone else avoids, etc.
Quit or wait for them to fire you and stop attaching your value to your company.
The company you work for may have programs to support people with learning disabilities, and again *may* be supportive if you talk to your manager/HR. Or they might be assholes. Are there any other supportive services outside the company that are available / within your reach? For example, depending on where you are there may be a state or regional organization like this one: https://fasdsocalnetwork.org/job-training-employment/ That's a tough road and tech is a tough industry for anyone with an intellectual or learning disability. But determination and perseverance will continue to make a huge difference in your life. I wish you the best of luck, homie.
Realize that most people (teachers, firefighters) still think you’re a Chinese dude. Realize the people who think you’re special will still think you’re special