Like many bay area couples we are software professionals and make decent money say close to 500k family income. Since i make 75% of our family income, all my income goes in to a joint account and every expense is paid from there but my spouse does not contribute much from his/her salary. Am i crazy to think that we both should have a separate bank account to hold each persons salary and contribute to our joint account to share the family expenses and keep the rest to ourselves to invest on other personal goals, pay debt and not answerable to each other for every single personal expense? Curious to know how some of you operate? Edit:removed the word Equally from my post since that pollutes this discussion
This isn’t a financial question but a relationship one. Figure out why you feel like there should be a difference between your money and your spouses and go from there.
Very well said.
If you divorce, your wife would get half of the fortune no matter who earned it or which account it’s in. So it doesn’t give you anything. If you are going to a restaurant and it’s more than she can afford, are you going to eat alone?
It is not about paying for each other, it is about financial independence since you work hard to make more shouldnt i have the right to spend on items which i want without any questions
if she somehow gets a lot of money, do you agree that she should buy a 5m house but doesn’t allow you live in it? I mean, it’s OK to have separate accounts. But it’s weird that you have another joint account and contribute equally. You are not building a family, you are building a startup. You and your wife become co-founders.
OP, it seems you don't see each other as a unit. Your spouse complains about your expenses and in return, you think "but that's MY money". You should have a conversation about your needs as individuals and your goals as a couple. If your spouse believes you are spending too much money on "silly" things (let's say, games and beer), maybe they have expectations about something else (like travel or a new car). You need to align your views about the money, and maybe define a budget for each of those.
Understand, thats how we have been doing it, but thought wouldnt it be much easier to operate individually to know where the money is being spent
I think that having separate accounts is not an issue. If you earn 75% of the income, you contribute 75% of the bills, doesn't matter where the money is. The problem is when you say "keep the rest to ourselves to invest in other personal goals". It sounds like if your spouse wants something they don't have money for, but you do, you won't pay for it. Or if you do, it will be a loan. It looks like you will make a secret of how much do you have in your account. It comes off it's not their money too. Which is weird when we think about marriage. And yes, I believe you inherit your partner's debts when you marry. That's the difference between marriage and "living with your girlfriend/boyfriend". You commit to sharing everything, good or bad.
Op, you need therapy. My money, her money- what kind of relationship is this?
I never understood why some married couples don’t have combined income. Why marry if there’s no trust? I’m not married yet me and my partner are serious enough to combine our incomes.
Are you also planning on combining debts?
We have joint and separate accounts, with no real rules over them. Bills need to get paid, family money is family money at the end of the day.
We have separate accounts and I joint bank account for household stuff. We contribute to the joint account everymonth
Too complicated. Make it simple. You pay rent, I pay day care.
We use 2 accounts (mainly for fault tolerance) but there’s no separation as such. There are no rules between us. We pay from whichever account. It’s “our” money which we have earned together. Why the need for any separation! It really doesn’t matter who earns more. I see it as combined money that can be used for whatever we want - travel, expenses, investment, etc. There are no questions or approvals. If both of you think of it as family money you’ll automatically act in the best interest. For big expenses we pick each other’s brains before making the decision. It’s really simple. Don’t make it any more complicated.
Have you ever felt you lost your financial independence though your family runs primarily on your income but constantly being questioned for your expenses?
Never. We are both free to pursue our interests. She likes sports and gets a lot of sportive equipment. I like movies so have a lot of subscriptions 😀. All good.