Took a look at my friends Hinge and there’s a lot of guys with great or decent profiles. I was going through her likes with her and tbh I feel like it’s really hard to know who is a good fit (thinking for myself hypothetically - I’m in a relationship). Like if the guy is decent looking and prompts aren’t red flags and he doesn’t sound like the antithesis of what I’m looking for (eg if I’m a monogamous woman wanting a family and they’re poly and child free OR if I’m low key and introverted and they’re into parties / seeing and being seen / and like material things) I feel like I’d end up with a lot of conversations and dates and from experience given how little information there is on a dating profile and how much better signal you get in person… it feels like you have to start being picky about who you match with because of how much time dating takes and if you want to have a life outside of just dating … you can’t match everyone that seems ok but I feel like that’s how you get super picky Like suddenly I almost need to have height requirements and need to decide to only go for guys that look a certain way because that’s the only consistent metrics I get from the apps. Or deciding to only match with guys with certain jobs or education etc. Like I just feel like I have no idea how I’d end up with the right person because these things don’t matter that much but it’s all I get to go off of basically and cuts need to be made. I’m not saying it’s a justification for anything by the way. I actually feel like this made me more convinced that dating apps just suck for women looking for a relationship since looks are not #1 for us Tc 300k
You never know. If your gut feeling says go for it, then go for it.
I feel like I’d go for it with so many people and then get burnt out before I even made it to the first date because it’s hard to keep up convos
Yeah, OD apps have inadvertently made dating a bit exhausting for sure.
The truth is that you'd be perfectly happy and content with a large number of those guys. There is no soul mate. Only good partners. It sounds like you're suffering like a gambler. These guys might be 97% great, but you keep feeling FOMO and the desire to reroll in case you can get a 98-99%. It'll drive you insane if you don't commit. I wonder if dating apps are why it seems there are so many people with commitment issues these days...
Yeah I mean I totally agree actually - it’s a long post but it’s buried in there but I’m not actually single just finally took a look at the sheer volume of people in NYC and therefore how many likes that flood in every day and it’s really hard to figure out who to even go on a date with if you don’t want to make your free time all about dating. If you’re trying to pick “the best” profiles there has to be some sort of logic you apply but I wager that it’s less effective than just trying to meet people IRL
I’m not single but I was. You really just have to go on dates and learn what you don’t like. Random filters might help but there’s the term “dating with intention”. Dating isn’t about amassing large amounts of likes (ie collecting matches like Pokémon) but cutting out. In a way, you should look at dating like applying for a job. Every round candidates will be filtered out until you’re left with the best candidate for the job.
I just struggle to think about what filters to apply - I feel like I’d end up with many false positives and also am likely to filter out perfectly good matches based on some metric that if I had met them in person I wouldn’t have considered as important in my attraction to them
Best filter is the bio. As for struggle. The struggle is real. Sometimes what I say I want and what actually gets me butterflies doesn’t line up and making compromises. I think the biggest thing is when I said “who do I want to build a life with” that certain factors became less important. Biggest alignment is values. I also didn’t find anyone on the apps worth dating. My current bf is someone I knew in college and I met ally boyfriends organically. Dating apps were 90% bad first dates.
Almost all guys who have great career, personalities, etc dont use apps at all. They find their partners via outside activities or volunteering or group gathering
That might be true I honestly don’t know. I mean I know my partners friends met via apps and I would consider them all really successful guys in their late 30s/early 40s
Just sharing some perspectives. Theres no answer to dating which is why we have thousands of dating apps
So for me (male), I think having a 5-10 min call after a few messages is the best way to weed out people
That’s a good idea. Are most people open to that?
That is relative, if I exchange a few messages with a woman usually she’s willing to do a call. It usually doesn’t get to that point though. If a woman is not interested in me enough for a call then I move on. If she doesn’t agree to an in person date after the call then I move on. Life’s too short to waste my time on a woman who is not interested in me
Identify the top 5-10 behaviors that you DO NOT like in a guy Identify the top 5-10 behaviors / hobbies you DO like Then map questions onto those behaviors Sort your questions by priority Ask questions in descending order of importance to efficiently filter a dude
Will this help looking at a hinge profile though? I feel like your hit rate will be pretty low in terms of accuracy
You can't date all of the guys you match with The in-app text conversations you have will naturally self-select some guys to the top of your priority queue Dont think about it too much You'll know the right one when you see / talk to him
Also, why are you looking at dating apps so much if you are in a relationship
Well it was actually my first time looking at hinge since I had one years ago and my first time looking at NYC hinge which is a bit different from where I was before But mainly because I just find relationships, how they form, and how technology influences relationships really interesting 🤷🏻♀️ idk why but I do
You are Asian ?
Every time i heard about dating apps and matches i would become mentally weak and disappointment and frustration. Would you swipe right on someone who is of height 5’7’’?? Bcoz i am a guy and dont get any matches whatsoever. Doesnt matter how good i keep my pictures in the profile. No match, never been on a single date.. I wish i were a girl or a man with 6ft height.. I know i sound like a cry baby..
This is sort of what I’m saying. Dating apps give us access to way too many people. So users need to filter. But then things we can filter on and make absolute requirement so we have less profiles to sort through actually don’t matter for a relationship for the most part - maybe religion is one I could see making sense. So you manually filter on things that don’t matter. Then who you’re left with you still have to filter… and with the little info that’s in a dating profile you’re gonna mostly filter on looks and maybe their job.
You need to go out and approach women irl. Try to aim for minimum 50 women a weekend across nightclubs, bars, parks. As a man that also does not have a great online profile, this is the only way
Real guys approach people irl and don’t resort to using these apps
I’d like to think so!
Agreed, my friend Kevin vanished the moment he downloaded Hinge