How to overcome my Shyness
I am very shy person. I can't talk to strangers specially girls. This has made me miserable. Some relationship I had were because they were already my friend. I am single for 3 years now. I find girls attractive on coffee shops stations etc but have no courage to go and talk to them. I read few books on how to overcome shyness and social anxiety. Collected some courage went ant talked to few girls, fumbled and they said they "had" boyfriend. I am more miserable now. Now I hate those books and podcasts. I think it is fine for a girl to be shy as boys will approach her. For a man to be shy is end of the world in dating. I feel pathetic. I don't know how to overcome it. I know I am not alone, there are many people like me. If you have been there and know how to overcome it please reply. I am specially worried about not finding a new girlfriend because of my Shyness. Its been long being single I want to move on in my life and my this character is holding me back like hell.
Feel ya brother
To overcome shyness, start talking to strangers (not just opposite sex) on general topics, build confidence in social interactions, get to the point where social interaction with a stranger is not awkward. Anyone would be âbusyâ if they donât see value in interaction.
I don't identify as a shy person but even I won't have the courage to approach a girl in a coffee shop irrespective of how many books I read or podcasts I listened. And I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would say they aren't shy and won't have the courage to approach girls in a social setting. If you were able to do so after reading a book then hats off to you. That's what these dating apps are for. See if you get a match. If there is a match you can chat so there is that initial connection.
Thankyou. A lot of Asians and South Asians genuinely see Ted Mosby and Barney as their idols.
Hey 125464, I would have told you a lot about pickup and made you go down a convoluted path but all I would ask you to give this book a chance which will instill within you the notion of how to break from your shackles. âThe Charismatic Lover by Adam Tasteâ Otherwise some authentic people to look up to are Steve Jabba. I donât remember others. And you could always watch some Sidemen and Wild n Out for fun. Cheers.
Maybe dating apps like Bumble where girl has to take the initiative. Most people are not serious on dating apps is my experience. Suddenly there will be a batch of chat requests. These are serial daters. They leave as quickly as they come. Then long wait for quality ones. You got to try different approaches. Like maybe meetup.com as well. Good luck.
Try a Toastmasters group: https://www.toastmasters.org/. It is a supportive place to practice speaking skills with local chapters all over the world.
Go for arranged marriage.
Controversial advise but super effective, trust me: strip clubs. Perfect place when you have money but lack social skills. Go alone and be prepared to spend a hundred or three. Youâll have girls come to you and talk to you about your life. Youâre not going to see them again, so you canât say anything âwrongâ. Conversation doesnât have to be âsexy talkâ. Just talk about whatever. Theyâll find you interesting and captivating (as long as you keep âbuying them drinksâ). Itâll build your confidence in talking to the opposite sex. Helps in more natural settings - seeing a woman in close proximity will not spook you out. This is just to overcome your shyness. Not suggesting strip clubs as a substitute for dating or real relationships. 1000x more effective than dropping same $$s on therapy or lessons. Try it before you beat it. Youâre welcome.
He's out of line but he's not wrong.
this might just be me but talking to strippers were way more awkward than talking to any random girl because you can tell they're faking their enthusiasm/friendliness and the lingering thought of the conversation being transactional also make it unnatural and uncomfortable might be different for those who can't talk to girls normally though
To get over your shyness, start talking to people in general, not just girls. âHow to win friends and influence peopleâ is a great book on some general points to keep in mind while talking to people. This should help in getting rid of your shyness to some extent. To talk to girls, have some confidence about yourself and get over the fear of rejection. Know that if you get rejected by a girl in a coffee shop or any general setting after a small interaction, understand that this is not an indication of your self-worth and not everyone is supposed to like everyone. It doesnt imply that you are not good enough. Read âModelsâ by Mark Manson on how to build inner confidence. Most importantly, talking to girls/people works like muscle building. Do it more and more and eventually, you will find it easier.
First, stop posting these stories under tech category. Secondly, try virtual methods to reach out to girls. Its the easiest way for introvert/shy people. Third, shyness is a personality trait. There is nothing wrong about it. Don't feel negative about it.
Its fine. OP is asking in the community they belong.
Fourth, always mention TC.