I will keep it short. I miss my parents terribly all the time. Both my spouse's and my own parents they both spend 6 months each here , which is fair on paper, but my parents are much older than my spouse's and I feel so terrible about not being with them in their old age. They are also getting too old to travel. I am planning to apply for their GCs as soon as they are eligible, but my spouse is already letting me know they can't stay here while her parents are here. I am quite happy for all sets of parents to be here at the same time as each time my parents leave I break down and can't function as I miss them so much. Everyone actually gets along well and there isn't any animosity or such that requires keeping them apart. Am I wrong for wanting them here more than 6 months of the year even if there is an overlap? I would extend the same courtesy to my spouse's parents should it be required. My spouse thinks I am way too emotional instead of logical and that 6 months is a good time to stay apart and I shouldn't break down every time they leave. I just miss them so much :( My therapist has been unable to help me, and my spouse and kid are supportive and loving but it's not helping. I can't bear the thought of potentially losing them one day when I am not around and I would blame myself to death for it.
Divorce your spouse
Of course. Classic internet advice.
Can't you move back and live nearby or together?
Get your parents here and have them live in a separate house closely by. You can always spend more more time with them that way while making sure your wife doesn’t feel anything has been taken away from her independent household. Keeps both sides happy
I would love to do this soon as their GC gets processed. I appreciate the feedback. I am not sure my spouse will agree, as they think the problem is with me, and I need to stop missing them so much :(
Don’t let your spouse dictate your relationship with your parents… similarly don’t let your parents interfere in your household with your wife. Peace needs a respectful separation
Move to India and work there for few years
This is not an option as spouse and kid do not want to move at this point :(
Spouse and kid can stay here, only you move to India. You can return to US later, but parents will only age more
✂️ 🪢 They are old. Everyone dies. They lived their life, it’s time for you to live yours. Taking care of 2 sets of parents will be too much for your wife (assuming you’ll only provide the cash for their necessities). On top of that you have a kid. I take care of my mother. Sometimes is worse than taking care of a kid, and I am childless! Imagine taking care of a stubborn toddler that is legally allowed to do whatever they want and feel they know everything and I have to “obey” whatever they say since I’m their child. I’m spending my next bonus in a 1 bed apartment for her a few miles from me. I’ll visit during the weekend.
At least ur lucky your parents come here every 6 months . My parents haven’t come here only once in 12+ yrs here due to health issues.. As your kids get older your life priorities change and connection with parents drops off.
I am so sorry to hear that. I genuinely am very thankful for their 6-monthly visits at least. However that is not going to last much longer. They are nearly 80
Time to act like a grown up.
Help me do that. How? I also feel ashamed sometimes that I am so soft as an adult when most people find these things so easy
I'm sure your parents appreciate your love and care for the. But has it occurred to you that your emotional dependence might be adding pressure to them? It seems likely that they want the comfort of familiar people and places sometimes, too. I don't really know, but maybe something for you to consider?
Your spouse needs to be better than that. She's heartless.
How old are the parents? Any health issues?
Nearing 80. the usual (heart medication, diabetes) but nothing too crazy at the moment. However at that age things happen fast. In the last 3 years I saw 5+ relatives pass away so fast, couple in covid and some of other causes.
That’s old….. Might as well visit more often etc, living with them would be better
Do you have any siblings that can help?
I have a sibling in the US who can host them for a few months, but they are much less willing to do this. They are not as attached to my parents and only have them over at their convenience which really bugs me.
And let me guess your parents like your sibling more.