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This is a rather meandering description of how I'm feeling right now about the topic. Stop reading if you're looking for a cogent argument about getting better pay. I'm in my 30s and I'm the only child to my parents. I have a family of my own here in the US but I really haven't done anything about the fact that my parents are aging. I haven't really set up a caretaker or done anything material. I mean my parents are taken care of financially as needed but I feel guilty all the time. We came up from extreme poverty (wouldn't share this ever with anybody I know) and grew up middle class. By my teenage years we were doing okay by Indian standards. My father did everything he could to take good care of us. Basically, he gave me whatever he could afford with a low/mid tier salary - food, shelter and whatever "luxuries" we could afford. Ex: cheap (Rs 180 or ~$3) BSNL phone connection when I demanded during my rebellious phase LOL. Today, they're proud of my "achievements" of getting a job at a "reputable MNC" (Indian parent's main course LOL). They're still not too old but the idea of them becoming feeble and helpless while I "have a cushy life" binging and Costco shopping here in the US is eating me. I'm so uncomfortable to face this thought that I keep myself busy with work. Every day I just drown myself with work. Most times putting out meaningless CRs until exhaustion. Hint: I have 2000 CRs in Phonetool badge (cheap Amazon internal thing). It all feels so meaningless. I'm confident I'm not alone in feeling this way esp with a ton of Indian engineers here with comparable stories. Blind tax: 440k+ (255k base) L6 SDE. Ratings: TT for two straight years. Gonna be L7 next year or rage quitting.
In the same boat.I feel guilty enjoying anything while in the US. Planning to move back. Researching on whats the best way to transition back.
“Reputable MNC”… scrolled back up to see OP’s company tag and it turns out to be Amazon 🤦♂️ Jokes aside, I feel your pain OP, happens to a lot of Indians. But dint you give this a thought before embarking on the journey to US?
Hence the double quotes I assume.
Not sure many people do! I came here to study. Never thought of moving outside India until I genuinely felt I needed to gain more knowledge in my field during undergrad. Have stayed since and now I have a family who will not take well to moving back i assume. Frankly, neither can I think of moving back and leave here.
Can anyone else take care of them back home? Do they want to move to the US?
I’m in a similar situation. It’s not easy to bring them here. This has been a major emotional element pulling me down every hour of the day. They cant stay for more than 6 months. And traveling huge distances with 2 layovers every year takes a toll on them
@nvidia A bit of yes and no. They feel self sufficient but soon they may not be.
OP, I am in similar boat as yours. My brain is exhausted thinking what I should do. I feel like I want to do more. But them staying in a different country with me being in US, I am bit lost on how to take care of them as they age. Going back to my country is an option but however I feel like I have more opportunities in US than my country. Looking for insights from others here.
Depending on whether it is physically demanding on your parents to sit on a 22h flight or not (and other constraints), having them visit for close to half a year could be an option. Showing your parents around and introducing them to new experiences feels priceless. Plus, they always end up helping us out more by making all the delicious home cooked meals we so dearly miss. Feels hard to justify this when we’ll probably save more by just moving to India. But it is a great way for them to experience the life they played an important role in helping us get to
How do you feel about having them here 6 months every years on a b1 visa? (If you are a citizen, how about moving them permanently here?)
Would've loved to but they can't be uprooted for half of their remaining lives.
You can’t have both, sometimes we’ve to take tough decisions for the ones we love!
Wth
Reported the comment
I’ve seen many get their parents here for 6months every year. I started doing the same and they’re liking it. Health insurance is a problem though.
Why is that a problem? Can’t you buy a good visitors insurance ?
Visitors insurance is crap. It only covers accidents. If parents fall sick or if they have existing conditions insurance options are very expensive and extremely limited. INF is the one I’ve taken this time. Still trying to figure out better options.
Why don’t you move back ?
This is bad advice. Do not sacrifice your life for your parents. Visit them, have them visit you, make sure they are taken care of. But your parents worked hard to see you successfully settled. Don’t undo their hard work out of misplaced guilt, OP
Why do you think moving back is a "sacrifice" ?